ds has started hitting and kicking me.

[booyhoo]

he does it when i put him on the naughty step or impose a punishment.

he tells me he is going to do it and then he does it. i have removed tv and computer priviledges, playtime, days out that we have had planned have been cancelled but he is not getting the message.

just now he asked to have a yoghurt after throwing an uneaten one in the bin. i said he couldn't as he clearly wasn't hungry and had wasted a perfectly good one. he slapped my arm so i told him if he did it again he would go to the naughty step. he did it again and i got up to take him to naughty step and he said "well, I'll kick you and there is nothing you can do." and he proceeded to kick me the whole way to the stairs. he is currently on the step shouting "go away stinkybum" and "I'll hit you again" I will tell him when he gets off that he has lost his tv priviledge for today.

what am i doing wrong and how the hell do i fix it?

smack his bottom!

sing i don't smack and i don't want to reinforce the idea that smacking is how you deal with behaviour you dislike. he dislikes my behaviour of putting him on the naughty step, this would be justification in his mind for smacking me if i taught him that i could smack him for unacceptable behaviour.

How old is he? If he below school age, taking away tv, computer etc. might be too far removed from the 'crime' IYSWIM. So these might not be effective punishments.

I can't tell you how to stop it - I am sure others will have some really good suggestions, but I think you need to find away to immediately withdraw all attention from him the moment he hits or kicks you. Perhaps simply say "you hurt me" and take him to the safest area of your house where you can leave him, shut the door and walk away for a moment.

I have only ever had to smack DS1 (who is nearly 5) once when his brother was born as his behaviour was becoming awful and physically aggressive. It gave him the shock of his life, and he has never behaved like that again.

he is 5.

he shouted at me from teh naughty step, "when can i get off here?" i told him when 5 minutes is up. he replied, "no i want off it now or I'll hit you in the face"

if i ignore the hitting will it be like letting him away with it?

his dad moved out 3 weeks ago so i am assuming this is a result of that. it's the only explanation i can think of.

The disruption of his dad going is very likely to have made him unsure of where the boundaries are. So he is going to test them. Not easy on you. He is possibly concerned that you will also leave him so is testing to see if you will stay even when he is naughty.

I don't think ignoring the hitting is the same as letting him get away with it, provided that he loses all your attention. At the moment he may feel that any attention from you is good. Of course there needs to be lots of praise and attention when he behaves the way you would like him to.

ok, I'll try withdrawing attention. i guess that would have the biggest effect if he is doing it for attention. we have a reward chart for good behaviour and we are very good at putting the smiley faces on when he is behaving well. it is just that when he does something naughty and is punished he starts this threatening and hitting.