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Is this typical behaviour for a 2 year old?

20 replies

Gangle · 01/09/2010 21:55

DS1 is a lovely lovely boy, gorgeous and bright, and very verbal but certain aspects of his behaviour are very challenging at the moment. I have so far just thought that this is typical behaviour of a child his age but my MIL is staying and seems to think he is a bit out of control and that I need to take action to address various things. My own mum has made the same comment. First of all, he is not good at settling at night or for his day time naps. I have to sit with him and hold his hand until he falls asleep otherwise all hells breaks loose - last night it took over an hour and I had over things to do (DS2 to look after) and so DS1 was up until gone 10 and only went to sleep when I did (in our bed). He has a fixed bed, bath and story routine which used to work well but now it's increasingly hard to get him to stay in his bed and I am growing tired of having to sit next to him whilst he falls asleep - he is nearly 2 1/2 and should be able to fall asleep by himself. He also have tantrums fairly regularly, i.e. every other day, usually when we take something away from him or when he is overtired. I have usually dealt with these by ignoring him or distracting him but MIL thinks I need to be firmer and offer incentives for good behaviour, e.g. if you do x then you can have an ice-cream. He also has issues with concentration - tried to take him to a story time and our local library this am and he refused to sit for more than 30 seconds. Have tried before and same thing. Not a big deal but, as my MIL pointed out, all the other 2 year olds were happy to sit and listen. Not DS! As far as I'm concerned, this is all fairly normal for a child his age and he will grow out of it. I have so far taken a fairly relaxed attitude and am only strict on the important stuff, e.g anything dangerous, pushing or taking toys from other children etc, but MIL thinks I should be stopping him do other thing. e.g, he loves to play with the hoover, I don't mind but she thinks he shouldn't; he doesn't want to eat his yoghurt; I try to get him to but if he doesn't want to then I leave it and don't offer anything else. Do I need to be doing more in terms of discipline? On the plus side, he loves stories and will sit endlessly if you read to him, likes drawing, loves music and singing and any kind of physical play. He is also learning to play well with other children, is happy to share etc and is fantastic with his baby brother. So, do I need to adapt my parenting style or do anything else to address these issues? MIL thinks he rules the roost at the moment and that we're going to have trouble on our hands if we don't address it.

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colditz · 01/09/2010 21:57

he sounds normal to me,.

washngo · 01/09/2010 22:03

I think it sounds like you are doing brilliantly already. My ds is just 2 and has tantrums far more often than every other day! As for story time, it probably depends on his mood that day, some days he'd listen, others he'd rather be playing. Really don't worry, all sounds like perfectly normal toddler behaviour.

DuchessOfAvon · 01/09/2010 22:04

Your post seems to be more about your MIL than your son. He sounds like a normal two year old - and to manage that you have to chose your battles, stay consistent in whatever you have decided on as being your non-negotiables and then you distract about the rest.

But your MIL has really got under your skin, hasn't she? I think you need to point out to her that she's done her mothering, this is your son. Spend less time with her!

biglips · 01/09/2010 22:05

yep def sounds normal...youre doing just great.

silver28 · 01/09/2010 22:08

Well he sounds exactly like my ds (aged 2.5) in every respect. I think it's all perfectly normal. I'm sure dome other 2 year olds can behave better but others are worse. I don't take ds to library to story time any more as it was too much like hard work. Yes you see other 2 year olds at such groups who can sit and listen but there are many more that don't go in the girstvplace because they won't sit still for mire than 30 seconds.

Personally I love having an energetic and fun loving little boy. I do sometimes worry that my parents think I'm too soft on him, but then I think it's not really any of their business, he's happy and developing well and I'm not nearly as soft as some people.

Re the falling asleep thing, I sat with ds every night until 4 weeks ago and it often took an hour or more. Then I left him to it one night and sat in the landing. He bawled for a while and then fell asleep. Next night, and every night since, he was happy to be left and fell asleep on his own. I was amazed ( and thrilled!). Think we were lucky tho, sure it doesn't go as well for everyone. His sleeping also improved a lot but has regressed on the last week.

Anyway, sounds like you're doing a great job. Much respect to you for doing what you do while looking after a baby too!

HumphreyCobbler · 01/09/2010 22:08

He is normal, your MIL has just forgotten what it is like or had a more placid child to deal with.

WhatSheSaid · 01/09/2010 22:12

behaviour all normal for two yr old.

if he is not settling for sleeps (day and night) he may be growing out of daytime sleep? you may want to reduce it or even get rid of it, he may go sleep easier at night. just an idea - he may not be ready to drop it yet - my dd1 stopped sleeping in day aged about 2.5.

excuse typing, wriggly 7 wk old dd2 in arms

Gangle · 01/09/2010 22:14

Thanks all, feel very relieved that you think it's normal. I think MIL (and my own mum!) were just harsher and put up with less. Like if you didn't go to bed then you got a smack! And good point Silver28 - there must be lots of other mums who don't go because their DCs won't sit! Think I will give it a miss for a while as it's too much to handle with him and DS2 who usually starts screeching at the same time and I have to haul them both out!

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WannaBeMeAgain · 02/09/2010 18:48

I am in this topic looking to see if there is any advice for my 2.5yr dd, and you have written my thread for me Grin

Wholelottalove · 02/09/2010 21:49

Sounds similar to DD, 2.4 and I never thought of her as particularly difficult or tantrumy. The falling asleep thing is a bit annoying, but DD also does this - well she faffs and gets in and out of bed saying she needs a wee for a good half an hour most nights. I probably wouldn't take her to library as couldn't gaurantee she would sit still either.

I agree with others above, your MIL needs to wind her neck back in a bit!

DomesticGoddessInTraining · 03/09/2010 12:42

Sounds really similar to my 2 year old DS too. Especially the settling to sleep issues.

I think you'd be doing the right thing to stop taking him to the story time for now - if he's full of energy and fidgety he'd probably be better off running around the park or something. You can always read stories with him at home at a better time.

Giving him bribes incentives as your MIL suggests could lead to more problems in the longer term.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 03/09/2010 12:53

Mine's younger (22 months) but a lot of my friends have 2-3 year olds, and that sounds utterly, utterly normal. In fact, several of them have boys who sound harder than yours - constant tantrums, physical aggression, etc. And certainly, when I take mine to toddler storytime, there are always loads of 2.5s who have meltdowns, have to be taken out, refuse to stay and career around the book aisles, etc.

Ignore your MIL. Did she tell you to feed him more/less/leave him to cry as a newborn? I think it's generational. Your son sounds delightful, if slightly high maintenance right now because of his age. SHe's just forgotten.

Bribing a 2 year old with ice cream to behave sounds like a horrible idea, incidentally.

Orissiah · 06/09/2010 15:57

Sounds pretty normal to me :-)

But you could, if you want to, take a harder line over the sleep issue - ignore his bedtime shenanigans, leave him to settle alone either by controlled crying / gradual withdrawal or simply ignoring him until he gets the message. He needs his sleep and you need your evening back.

Rockbird · 06/09/2010 15:58

Completely normal. One of us has to go to bed with DD (co-sleeps) as she sleeps with her hand on your arm/back/tit whatever. So we take it in turns to go to bed at about 9pm!

Tinkerisdead · 06/09/2010 16:04

Oh I could have written your post, Im currently staying with my mum and my DD is nearly 22 months. She has learned to climb out of the cot (cant do big bed yet as all in one room til we find a new house). I have to keep sitting with her or worse she ends up in our bed. The second she leaps out of cot she runs around the room and landing shouting.

When I get downstairs my mum is rolling her eyes etc at my "pandering" but im trying to make it less disruptive for all involved. DD also has a meltdown over everything, all meals "i no like it" arghhh, tooth brushing, hysterics, bath time beserk. The only thing working for my "spirited" child is stickers. She seems to want to do key things for a sticker, i dont dish them out all day as they lost their impact so I chose key things, eating enough dinner, brushing teeth and staying in bed! Its working mostly. I took her to storytime and all the kids sat there whilst mine yelled "yeahhh maisy book!"

But i would def say your toddler is completely normal. i have got friends who's child sits demurely on the potty, or reading in the corner whilst mine tear arses around like a whirlwind. Makes me feel a bit inadequate to be fair. Ignore all comments, it is hard but sounds like your doing a great job.

OatcakeCravings · 07/09/2010 12:18

I also have a two year old DS (2.3 actually) and yours sounds a lot lot easier than mine - tantrums every two days would be absolutely fantastic my has about 5 tantrums a day and is quite aggressive!

You sound like you are doing a great job and you have a very normal 2 year old - enjoy him!

tostaky · 08/09/2010 14:31

totally normal behaviour imo... DS1 is the same albeit with more frequent tantrums....

my parents are horrified about how bedtimes work though my mum confessed i wasnt in bed before 10pm when i was 2....

my mil is... well it's my mil, i don't listen to her!!

Gangle · 13/09/2010 04:32

thanks all, very reassuring. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with bedtimes? He is now refusing to stay in bed.

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youknowmeasharimo · 13/09/2010 06:02

Gangle... Another vote here for 'Normal'! Grin

I love the: The other 2YOs sit happily and listen... Yes, that's the other 2YO who happen to enjoy the library! My 2YO is far more likely to be found running around the woods as fast as his little legs will carry him, probably with a stick in both hands Grin

Bedtime for us is very strict... Dinner, bath, bottle, teeth brushed, story, bed... BUT... for DS (2.3Y)... I don't turn his light out... His room is safety proofed and there is a stair gate on the door... so he can get out of bed, choose a book or a toy and play with it. He goes into bed at 7:30 but probably doesn't go to sleep until nearer 8:30 (I turn his light off at 8:45 and if he's not asleep he might cry for a minute but generally he's asleep)

This works for us....

Firstimemum24 · 23/01/2025 16:07

Gangle · 13/09/2010 04:32

thanks all, very reassuring. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with bedtimes? He is now refusing to stay in bed.

Hi how’s your son now ?

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