Toilet training wrecking DS's sleep, what can I do?

[MyNameIsInigoMontoya]

Firstly I know this might seem like it should go in either the potty training or sleep topics; but as it is about both, and as I'm hoping for advice from people who have already dealt with these issues and hopefully got over them, I thought this might be the best place to put it!

DS is nearly 33 months and has recently been going through daytime toilet training (not potty - he just wants to go on the "big boy toilet" and preferably do "standing-up wees", he's an independent soul!). He is now mostly dry during the day, though poos are still not cracked yet, and he still has a nappy at night.

However now that he can take himself to the toilet, he WILL NOT wee in a nappy any more if he is awake. I know this is obviously good in the long term! But every evening he now wanders out to the bathroom 2 or 3 times after bedtime for a wee, meaning he gets to sleep quite a lot later than he would have before. And then in the morning, he has been getting up much much earlier too - where he would often have slept in till about 8am, it's now usually 7 or even 6.30 when he comes wandering out saying "need a wee" - usually into our bedroom where he tries to persuade us to go with him - and then won't go back to bed. (I think before the toilet training, he must have just weed in his nappy and then rolled over and gone back to sleep).

Then last night, he woke us at 1am crying his eyes out in bed saying "need a wee" - we tried to get him to just go to the bathroom and then go back to bed, but he was half hysterical/half asleep and couldn't manage on his own, but hated us trying to help him too.

To make things worse all this is happening just as he's outgrowing his afternoon nap - we have already been wrestling with that as either he won't sleep and just bangs about and then is really tired, or if he does fall asleep he is very hard to wake and will usually sleep at least 2 hours, but then will not be able to sleep all evening and ends up more tired as he has lost more evening sleep than he gained from the nap!

So between the lack of naps and his day now being up to 2 hours longer than before due to all the wees, we have a really tired little boy who is having crying fits all the time and just generally very hard work and not his usual happy self...

We are planning to get him a day/night clock to see if that will help with getting him to go back to bed after weeing; but would love any other thoughts or suggestions you have on how to get him sleeping better again, whether it's to do with the toilet issues or what to do about his naps. Thank you!

I have had similar issues. I would suggest reducing fluid intake near bedtime if possible, also take DS to toilet (asleep) when you go to bed, put him on the toilet and tell him to have a wee. My DS and DD did so while half asleep and then slept through. Also, are you sure he doesn't have a urine infection? May be worth a trip to docs to rule anything out.

Thank you! I am pretty sure he doesn't have an infection as he doesn't really need to go that often, except after bedtime when it is probably partly messing about and partly that he does like to drink loads of milk after his afternoon rest and at teatime. Might be worth thinking how to reduce that a bit.

We might try taking to the toilet as well, I suppose that should help with the mornings and/or middle of the night...

My dd started getting up very early when she was potty trained as well...she didn't have a nappy at night so would get up for a wee about 5 or 5.30am. I got a sleep training clock straight away and told her she could get up for a wee but had to go back to bed afterwards until the clock changed at 7. And she did. She never got up in the middle of the night for a wee but I guess the clock thing would hopefully also work with this. You have to be consistent though and strong about it.

Regarding the daytime nap, my dd still happily has one at the age of 4 and still goes to bed at 7 but I believe this is quite unusual and I guess if he's not going off to sleep, he's not tired enough (unfortunately for you!).

At bedtime I would reduce or cut out completely the milk - I stopped my dd's bedtime milk when I potty trained as it's unrealistic to expect them to drink a cup of milk and not need the toilet in the night. Then make sure he has a 'last wee' right before bed and be firm about him staying in bed. Maybe he's just trying to play you because he knows if he says he needs a wee he's allowed to get up??? But only you can judge that. My dd tried it on a few times in the early stages.

Good luck.

Oh and also meant to say, if he's not weeing in the nappies at night, I wouldn't put them on him (unless he needs them to poo in??) as he may start weeing in them just because he's got them on and then you'll need to night train him again.

Thanks. I don't think we can drop the nappies yet though as I think he does still sometimes wee in them in his sleep - some mornings they are dry but other times quite wet! We haven't really tried night training yet as I read they are mostly not really ready until at least 3... though if he does start having consistently dry nappies we'll give it a go!

We are off on holiday very soon too and will all be in a room together (us, him and the baby!) so I am not sure how much sleep we will manage there!

Oh I just remembered another thing I was wondering about too - what do you do about wees late at night when it's dark? He can't reach the bathroom light switch yet... think we may have to get some sort of battery nightlight or something for the bathroom so he can see what he's doing without having to wake us first?

Maybe get a nightlight for middle of night although my dd has never got up in the night for a wee so not sure...although there seems to be enough light in our bathroom to see without putting the light on.

Just to add, I'd cut out juice or water rather than milk. Milk doesnt go through them like other drinks-its more like a solid, and you dont want him waking because he's thirsty. We give ds a last drink of juice with dinner at 5.30pm, then he just has milk before bedtime, and usually sleeps 11hrs before getting up and having a wee first thing.

He has a potty in his room but only uses it first thing, but I'm guessing this wouldnt work for your ds. We also have a gro clock which has really helped when we had sleep issues recently.

I have a DS who is dry wee wees in the daytime bt not poos. He is waking in night, still in a nappy, not keen on having it on. I let him g to sleep wiht no nappy on, then stick one on him whilst he asleep!! Then get it off as soon as he wakes up. My little one prefers a potty tbh right by his bed. He does still wee in it in the night, but has lots of milk at bedtime. Perhaps think of a weetabix as supper if you need to fill up your DS but reduce fluid?

Ive been told to get some of those pampers things to slot under the sheet so you just take that off & the sheet if they wet the bed in the night - tbh mine is still in a nappy as i dont want disturbed sleep yet!

Good luck you are braver than me at the moment!!

Mm that's interesting Roo. At the moment he only has water at lunchtime, and then only because we insist, he would rather have milk. The rest of the time he just has milk, except for an occasional drink of juice in the morning if we are at a toddler group or something. He has lots of milk after his afternoon nap or rest (if he has one) though, and with his tea.

You're right I don't think he would agree to use a potty! Ours have hardly been used since he started using the big toilet... he just likes doing everything as "grown up" as possible and is now teaching himself to pee standing up! Plus his bedroom has carpet, so I would rather he goes to the bathroom if there is likely to be mess, as the floor there is rather easier to wipe...

We have ordered a gro clock, should get it tomorrow so that might help with the mornings. I hope so, poor boy is getting soooo tired and we are all suffering as a result! Might have to bring back his naps or something until he starts sleeping longer at night again.

This might sound ridiculous, but what about a bucket? My DD was the same, refused to use a pot. Ever. But really needed to pee at night. She couldn't reach the light switch and would roam into our room. In the end, out of sheer desperation I asked her what she would consider if she didn't want a potty and couldn't manage the light. Her answer was a bucket. Bucket put in place and with the help of a night light that she already had, she was content.

Well I popped out last night and have bought a little battery-operated light which we are planning to put in the bathroom so he can switch it on if he needs to. Also the gro clock should arrive very soon so he will know when he needs to go back to bed after the wees, hopefully.... think we will have to try those 2 things and see if they help, if not we will try some of the other options! I am also trying to be quite "firm but boring" when he does get up, so he hopefully won't start doing it just for fun.

Thanks to everyone for your tips and advice!

To be honest it sounds like he is doing great.

I would really try not to miss this "window of opportunity" with him waking to do a wee.

Both my DS did this (dry at night at 26mths) and we just accepted that we had to get up with them because when they are half-awake, it's a lot to ask for them to get to the toilet, get the seat up, pjs down etc.

Our eldest DS (6) is sometimes scared to go to the toilet on his own in the night, so we have put a small lamp with a low light in it in the bathroom, and leave it on all night.

IMO you just have to go with this for a couple of months and once he's confident going, you can lie in bed and when he says "I need a wee", you shout back "well go for one then" and roll over back to sleep.

Good luck.

BTW I would ditch the nappy at night now too, get all the night disturbances over and done with at once.

Haha got visions of doing the "shouting back" thing in the middle of the night!

You might well have a point, not going to ditch the night nappies QUITE yet though as we are off on hol very soon so can't handle him wetting someone else's beds & when we've got no washing machine/spare sheets. But maybe we should keep track a bit of how wet his nappies are in the morning while we are away, and try taking them off soon after we get back if all goes well! You're right it would be nice to get it all over in one hit.

Hope it goes well and have a nice holiday.