Angry, sometimes violent bed wetting step son aged 7

[emskilou]

Hi I am not sure where to start this......

I have 2 children DS aged 4 and DD aged 5, my partner has a DS soon to be 7 . My partners DS is an only child, he has full custody so we all live together. The issue is my DSS is at times extremely angry, often violent, and wets the bed quite frequently. An example of when he is angry is if I or my partner ask him to go clean his teeth or get his pjs on he will get very very angry, storm out, slam doors and shout. This also happens if my DS wants to play with him or happens to follow him into a room (my DS thinks my DSS is amazing and gets very upset when he doesnt want to be his friend). My DSS has on occasion hurt both my DS and DD, he once bounced my DS' head off a door frame for 'wanting to play with jenga with him' and wrapped a dog lead around my DDs neck because she wouldnt do as he told her to do. He also regularly wets the bed, comes into our bedroom tells us he has wet the bed then takes himself into the lounge to sleep.

I know it has to be hard for DSS now having to share his life with me DD and DS and my partner and I have tried to make it as easy as possible for him. I just dont know what to do now and I feel very sad for all the children.

ps I havent been on here for around 3 years but it feels quite re-assuring to be back.

It all sounds like a cry for help or attention, or both. Just a thought but have you tried getting him to try and draw or role play how he is feeling about things? Sometimes kids can show you how they feel much better than verbalising it. And how about a chart for staying dry. Does he have some Dad-only time, and does he see his Mum regularly? All of that I would imagine is essential.
I also wonder if there is there a child psychologist you could talk to, via your GP. It may be that someone neutral could help him find his way through all that anger. Might take some pressure off you too. Poor little lad, and poor you; though you sound as though you are being v patient with it all. Hope it sorts itself out; I'm sure it will, though it may take a while.

Thanks for your reply :) whenever we try to get him to let us know how he feels be that through talking, play or drawing he gets very very angry with us and lashes out.

We have got him a chart for staying dry but he doesnt seem to care, we have also started to get him to drink more during the daytime and I have banned all fizzy drinks (my ds and dd have never had them so it isnt too much change)

His mum lives 6 hours away but they do see each other regularly and he does get dad only time as much as it upsets my dd and ds to not be involved.

I will talk to my OH about speaking to the GP for some help ideas so we can help him, I am sure he doesnt want to be this angry and upset bless him.

Thank you again :)

I agree with tweedledum another thing you could look at especially if he has inexplicable tiredness is wheat and or dairy intolerance;the latter is often cited in bedwetting.

sounds like he is a very unhappy boy and you need some help to work through it. I would ask for help with the gp or through school.

In the meantime I would try and talk to him calmly when he isn't angry. Talk about how much you love him, and how you know sometimes he feels very angry. Tell him everyone feels angry sometimes, but he seems more angry than most people. Talk to him about why you need to control yourself when you are angry - explain what is would be like if everyone lashed out when they are angry and what a scary place it would be. Then talk about ways of coping with anger, and trying to work out what is making you angry and how to stop it.

And when he is angry - give him a few minutes on his own, and then try to talk to him calmly. Ask him what made him feel so angry, and try and think of ways round the problem.

I have a 7 year old by who also gets very angry sometimes and I think it scares him - just talking to him and giving him a hug soon after it happens helps. I think showing you care about how he feels at the time helps.

by the way - I would ignore the wetting for now - that can be sorted later - may resolve itself if he feels happier. My ds is 7.5 and has only really become dry at night in the last 6 months (with occasional accidents).

Thank you for your replies, they certainly have helped a great deal, they all go back to school next week and I am going to go in and speak to his teachers and possibly go and speak to his GP too. Thank you all again, Em :)

the wetting, will sort itself when he is more sorted. deffo ignore that for the time being. my dd still wets at night 5 times out of 7, and she is 8. my friend's son still does and he is 11. Both kids have lost a parent.

Poor little boy, he must feel so sad without his mum.

I really do feel for him but also for my dd and ds, they have never been hurt, shouted out or scared before we all lived together and being younger they look up to DSS so I feel very very torn. It's kind of getting to me a bit really.