Started school and is now kicking and hitting

[west3]

DS started school recently and has already kicked someone and yesterday hit a little girl with a stick. Have spoken to him at length and he knows any hitting, kicking and pushing is wrong but I can't think where he has picked this behaviour up from. TV is heavily vetted at home and up until recently he has been a very quiet and passive little boy. Now whilst not condoning what he has done, I am aware that he is being singled out in the playground and "picked on" by a number of older boys. He is visually impaired and very light sensitive so has to wear a hat to protect his eyes when outside. These boys are pushing him and taking his hat which is making him upset and angry. My thoughts are that he his getting angry and upset and is taking it out on others. Please help with any advice you may have I am wanting to sort this out before it goes any further. I suppose I am also wondering where my lovely little boy has gone and who replaced him with the one that came home from school yesterday afternoon.

You need to talk with his teacher. Be honest and tell them why you think he is behaving in this way. Tell them about the older boys and ask them to monitor him at playtime. They may think you are being a 'precious' mummy, but you need to nip it in the bud. Let them know how upset you are by his unfamiliar behaviour. Also, when they first start school, it can be a bit scary and they may use any method as a kind of defense. My ds1 used to bite which was awful. Sadly, anyone who is slightly different, ie wearing glasses etc is an easy target for little 'would be' bullies, so it's best to get it sorted before is escalates. Good luck

Some behaviour like this can be normal when they start school. As they are very tired, and frustrated at being good all day.

However it seems your son is getting extra stress from being bullied. You have to get the school to take this seriously, and for adults to be watching to make sure he is safe in the playground.

Well, despite all the talking last night he has been naughty again today. At lunchtime he pushed another child, this was reported by the playground supervisor to the class teacher at the end of lunchtime. He was also a bit possessive with toys/equipment in the classroom and had to be talked to about sharing. I am aware he can be reluctant to share because at home when he is engrossed in doing something he likes to get on with it and not be interrupted, he likes to work things out for himself and complete a task as best he can. This can lead to him getting frustrated and angry if not left alone. The teacher said that she doesn't have time to deal with the pushing, hitting or kicking fully in the class as she has 15 other children to look after and has asked if we can shed any light on why he is behaving the way he is. My problem is that it is so out of character that I have no idea what is going on. I can only assume he is seeing play fighting and rough and tumble in the playground and is copying or thinking the behaviour is acceptable. They are talking about sharing and being kind in general as part of starting school.
I have taken away his tv access and time in the playroom but not sure what else to try or do next. HELP!!!!!!

What a shame it sounds like he is having a really hard time, the teacher is having a laugh, what kind of teacher can't help him to overcome his fears. You need to go in and tell them to get someone to watch him in the playground, something is obviously upsetting him and its up to them to find out what. Also if he has been punished at school I don't think yu should punish him at home too. Maybe you could invite someone home for tea so that he has a friend, Sharing is really tough when they are little and worse if you don't know the other kids very well.
I hope you can get some help for him before he starts hating school.
Also I can't imagine how scary that playground must be for him with all those kids dashing around, bumping into him and stealing his hat, when he can't see them very well. he must be terrified.
Please, please don't be cross with him.

What you and school should both be doing is rewarding him for good behaviour. So when he does share, praise him; when he doesn't lash out praise him etc.

Is your son on the special needs register? Did you talk to the school SENCo as part of your induction to school?

We have started a "traffic light" chart at home to encourage him to behave. If he manages to share well and not push, hit or kick he will stick his name on the green light and as a reward will get extra one on one time with me or his dad before bed doing what he wants to do. If he does one naughty thing ie pushes, kicks etc or doesn't share then he will be on the amber light and as a consequence loses some of his computer/tv time. If the behaviour continues or he does something else he will go to red and he loses all his tv/computer time.

He is a very bright little boy and although outwardly confident is a bit of a thinker and would rather assess the situation and then act than jump in feet first. This is why the behaviour is so confusing.
Regarding his visual impairment. He can see most if not everything but his eyes tire extremely easily or he has to strain them to maintain focus. He is visited weekly by the Visual Impairment Teacher to monitor how he is doing and to give him some one to one time. He is basically a normal child that can interact as you would expect he just sometimes needs a little consideration when it comes to reading or writing tasks to ensure the print is both easy to read and of good contrast.

I think school are being somewhat less than sympathetic to your son's needs and if his teacher can't manage 15 children adequately then frankly she's doing something wrong.

There are things that they can be doing to help. If he's struggling at breaktimes and being bullied then maybe the school can buddy him up with an older child who can keep an eye on him.

My son has ADHD - recently diagnosed at 6 - and because of the early trauma he suffered whilst with birth family - he has really struggled in school. But there are lots of things schools can do to help - if they want to.

First they really have to deal with the bullying - that must be so upsetting for your son. No wonder he's stressed out - he's probably wondering what's coming next.

Not wanting to share isn't unusual - my son has been put into a small group and has received help from the LA's Behaviour Support team to teach him how to share and how to relate to other children.

If you haven't already then ask for a meeting with the teacher and the SENCo - it's not good enough for the teacher to simply say she doesn't have enough time. She has to make time.

My son spent most of his early years in the same class as a girl with a girl with a visual impairment. She had a TA with her, and had various other adaptations (a writing slope for instance).

Your son really needs to be on the special needs register and to be given the best help possible. There is no point in assuming that he can cope okay, because if you make a fuss there maybe extra support (but it won't happen unless you do make a fuss). Just having a TA in the class gave the girl an advocate who pointed out to a new teacher that she couldn't read the Red on the white board.

He may only need some consideration but even that is not always forthcoming.

"she has 15 other children to look after" Jeeze! she should consider herself very lucky. My son's class has 32 kids in it ... I'd like to see her try and deal with that. Is it a private school out of interest ? She is completely wrong with her approach. You need to go back and ask her what SHE is going to do about it in the classroom, as you are unable to be there. Sounds like she's copping out to me. Remind her this problem is occurring in school, not in the home.