Advice needed before I tear my hair out 17 month tearaway

[TearingMyHairOut]

Hi,
Mys ds2 is currently 17 months and has turned into a tiny tearaway. He goes to bed without fuss every night at 6.30pm but still wakes 2 or 3 times a night and will not go back to sleep unless I feed him. Sometimes he's drinking so much milk in the night that he wakes up soaking having leaked completely out of his nappy.

During the day he's like a fireball. He has started hitting, biting, slapping, hair-pulling and so on. He does all these things to ds1 who is four years old. He does all these things to me and my dh. If we take him out (to a soft play area at our leisure centre, he will pick fights with kids up to the age of about 8, grabbing them by the shirt, slamming his body onto them if they lie on the floor. I don't know where he has got this behaviour from and how to stop it.

I have tried the infamous 'bite him back', and I bit him hard enough to hurt, he cried, and then looked at me as if to say 'right, you're not getting away with that' and came back for a full on fight! I have tried consistently holding tightly onto his arms and saying no very clearly and he laughs and keeps on trying. I'm not a soft parent and feel mad because I hate this behaviour and can't seem to do anything. I'm worried he'll hust a child at nursery or something.

So two issues - the sleep and the aggression and help with either would be appreciated!

I would stop giving him milk in the night. You'll have some horrible nights but he doesn't need it and it's probably affecting his eating during the day.

Also, I wouldn't bite him. Without knowing your whole situation I can't really offer advice but it's really not on to bite a child.

I have only done it once as lots have people have said it would stop him dead in his tracks and he wouldn't do it again. I certainly don't go around biting children for a past time!

bump

Just keep saying to him 'no we do not bite'
remove him from the situation
by biting him you told him it was ok to bite because that's what adults do

My 22 mo DD was waking 2 or 3 times a night and I was giving her a bottle to "settle her". Looking back, she was onto a good thing! Once i decided it had to stop, I told her once or twice in the late afternoon, early evening "if you wake up during the night, Mummy is not going to give you milk, you will have to just go back to sleep". I have no idea if she realy understood or not, but that night I gritted my teeth and ignored 20 minutes of crying (on and off, gradually quietening) then we both had a good night's sleep. Lots of praise in the morning for sleeping like a big girl and going back to sleep.

As for the biting, wish I could help -mine is currently scratching/ grabbing other children's faces, most often in a playground situation, with children she doesn't know. I think it's when she's feeling overwhelmed and wants to assert herself. But i really do sympathise, I find it very upsetting when she does this (and find while most parents are kind and supportive, others are quite scary and make me feel really crap)..

I really don't think at this age they know exactly what they're doing, and it's an impulse which results in lots of attention, albeit negative.

And the thing that helps most, I menat to say, is other parents saying they'd been through it too, it's a phase and just keep being firm.