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Insisting on being "first" and tantrums - how would you handle this?

3 replies

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 28/08/2010 22:58

I think DS is generally pretty well behaved for his age (32 months), but he does have his moments, especially when he's tired. But at the minute we have one particular issue which keeps coming up.

Especially when he's tired or otherwise grumpy, he will suddenly insist he has to go "first" - e.g. has to go down the stairs before me, has to be first to go to the toilet if one of his friends has just decided they need it, etc etc. To make it worse he doesn't do it all the time, and doesn't give any warning when he does - so sometimes we all just go downstairs in whatever order, but then next time I might go down ahead of him again and suddenly he is having a huge crying fit because he wanted to go first.

Once he has got started, there is no way to get him out of it except (sometimes) if you can un-do whatever it was, for example if you go all the way back upstairs and then let him go first then he will usually calm down. But I can't/won't do that every time (I try not to at all as I think it encourages him, though DH sometimes gives in), especially when I have the baby to deal with too and am often rushing down for the phone/door or something else important! Also he sometimes does it over things which you can't just "undo", like if someone has already gone to the loo ahead of him then there is no way to get him to snap out of the crying.

I try to ignore the tantrums once they start but they still tend to go on for ages. And as this is one of the few things that he does strop about, I would love to have some way to respond to the actual "going first" issue to be able to prevent the crying happening in the first place. So just hoping someone might have ideas for us? Thank you!

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moaningminniewhingesagain · 28/08/2010 23:05

DD (3.5) does this a lot. Especially with the stairs - she has to go up them first/down them first but spends so long faffing about that she misses her chance and chucks a massive strop.

Sometimes I wait and let her go first. Sometimes she is taking forever and I go without her - if its coming down the stairs I just tell her to come when she is ready and ignore. I usually have DS with me so I have to shut the stairgates which pisses her off!

I wish I could decide whether to go with the pick your battles approach - or the zero tolerance. It depends on her overall attitude/behaviour and how tired I am TBH.

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 01/09/2010 20:21

That's just the thing isn't it minnie! Sometimes I think, oh it really isn't important - but then if I need to get somewhere in a hurry and he kicks off, or especially when he does it in those situations where you can't just "undo" whatever it was and he just keeps wailing on for hours whatever you do, I think maybe I should be going more for the zero tolerance option and trying to get him to drop the habit!

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Latootle · 19/09/2010 18:33

yes zero tolerance when needs be.

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