18 mo with a suicide wish

[Daddyjammy]

Our very active and entertaining 18mo son seems to have a suicide wish or at least a desire for us to be investigated by Social Services! He has a fantastic sense of humour and inspires our 3 1/2 yo daughter to run away with him - disappearing miles down the beach, for example, or running off into the distance round the supermarket. He inspired her recently to climb over rocks which ended up with her falling and a 3-hour trip to A&E.

In the last two weeks he's had two reasonably serious falls, tonght slipping in the bath and splitting his forehead on the tap. Fortunately no major damage has been done yet but I'm at my wits' end trying to keep a check on him as he climbs, runs and bangs into everything.

Any ideas out there on how to control him without dampening his great enthusiasm for life?

My DS (2) is like this, he learnt to climb up the sofa and bookshelves before he learnt to walk, I swear he is the reason I have gone very grey haired this year. We have had 3 trips I think it is now to A&E. I don't know the answer to controlling it so i'm watching with interest!

why don't you keep a better watch over him? unless you were joking when you say he runs miles away on teh beach and running off round the supermarket.

Your 18 month old can control your 3.5 yr old better than you can?

I have heard of laid back parenting but this is ridiculous.

I tend to be over protective and realise that many people are more relaxed than me, but you are putting your children at risk.

Try reins for when you are out and about - this www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/0988249.htm#tabrev one]] has a back pack attached.

Really don't like the name of this thread. :(

Most children go through a 'running away' and doing dangerous things phase.
The trick is to deal with it properly and not let him get away in the first place.
\no way could an 18 month old 'inspire' a 3.5 year old to do things she shouldn't be doiung unless she hasn;t been told to do them.

my dd's have the same age gap, dd2 is a runner, se goes on reins or is not out of my sight. dd1 knows not to copy her if I say it is dangerous.

i know banana. it totally insensitive. i assume it is an attempt at humour. FAIL.

My DD1 was like this. Her first birthday was spent in A&E; by the age of two she had stacked up big toys to climb into the airing cupboard and thence to the very back of the top shelf where I can't even see, and also bitten into a stereo cable (copying the dumb cat)and flinging herself onto the floor with the shock. Her forehead was always bruised from running into things and she was well known in my extended family for "going everywhere and doing everything at a 45 degree angle" as my grandpa said. She's pretty much still the same at nearly nine I'm afraid, but when they're small you just need eyes up your arse. Be vigilant!

Reins are a good idea. My DS hated them first time but now wears them happily. Also let him run free in a safer environment - we are at soft play every weekend letting my DS throw himself around where there is padding -then you may find it easier to keep him more tightly controlled in more risky environments. Time in the park is also good as big parks usually have enough open space that a small child can run for a bit without being near anything dangerous or out of your sight.

Perhaps MNHQ could edit the thread title to avoid causing upset?

Hey guys, really apologise if the title of this thread has caused any offence and would be quite happy if it could be changed .

Seems a right mix of replies so far with both sympathy and some fairly unhelpful criticisms.

Fyi, our 3 1/2 yo daughter was quiet and reserved until 3 months ago when DS started running, hence my "inspired" comment. Yes, we do keep an eye on them, the beach and supermarket issues are basically turn your back for a few seconds and you see the pair of them making a run for it. The issue is more how to get a moment's rest from constantly chasing after them and hauling them back. Reins when out in the street sounds like it may be a good idea.

At home, however, my fear is the same as nannynobnobs - he seems to have little concept of danger and we have to physically stop him (under severe protest) from climbing on the table at meal times, jumping off the sofa and standing in the bath.

He has three older siblings and none of them are setting this example.

how does turning your back for a minute result in your children being miles away on a beach? it seems like you are making light of this but in all seriousness you sound far too lax. if they run in the supermarket put them in a trolley, it is really that simple.

most 18 month old babies have little concept of danger, it is up to you as his parent to forsee the danger and prevent him from coming to harm. bumps and knocks are normal but climbing on the table at dinner and jumping off the sofa are disciplene issues. my ds1 is 5 and has never jumped off our sofa or climbed on the dining room table because he knows it is unacceptable behaviour and there would be consequences for him if he did. 18 months is old enough for a time out and definitey old enough to understand the word 'no'.

I have always disciplined DD1 for such things- jumping on the furniture, running wildly through the house, skidding up and down the bath, standing on the very edges of her mid-sleeper wooden bed, and other delights- she still does. She doesn't respond to discipline, and never has. Withdrawal of treats? She either couldn't care less or will do what she wants anyway then scream blue murder till she's ill when the punishment goes ahead. At almost nine she still can't grasp this obvious balance of actions and consequences yet she is supposedly NT. I'm just saying, it's not all lack of discipline or lax parenting. Sorry for jumping in with my two pennorth there :)

I sympathise with you and think some of the comments on here are a little harsh. I assume you dont literally mean miles away on the beach...just a figure of speach! I know what you mean about one child inspiring another...my ds is very good at coming back when I call him, staying where I can see him etc. but if he is with a friend (who on her own is also very good) they will happily run off together and not even hesitate for a backward glance!!

I would second suggestion of reins when you are out-if he doesnt like reins (my ds doesnt) you can get a rucksack with one rein that attaches to the back...doesnt feel like they are wearing them, but still restricts how far away from you they can go. I also try to involve ds in what we are doing at the shops, asking him to help push the trolley so he holds on to that, or sending him to pick up bread (obv. I'm only a few feet away), or biscuits etc.

Goodluck, sounds like you have a lovely, high spirited child and I'm sure he will grow out of it soon enough

some of the comments on here are silly

of course sometimes a child can run off, you chase them. then the older one decides to run off too, as it is such a good game. So you end up chasing two of them, sometimes in different directions.

It happened to me the other day when I bent down to pick up the reins that had got tangled in my bag.

Honestly, those who are commenting that the OP is lax need to sit down and think about their supposedly perfect parenting.

My ds was like this - always wanting to run off, but he never did because I always had him either in a buggy/on reins/in a trolley/holding his hand.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't do that if you have an active child - it's quite simple.

I always let him have his "freedom" at home, in the garden or in a wide open space like a big park.

He will grow out of this though - ds is much better now at 2.1.

Also, at home I would stick him in his cot or playpen, or as a last resort, strap him into his buggy if I needed to get something done.

It is hard but won't last long.

humphrey i never proclaimed to be a perfect parent.

OP came here making a joke about about trips to A&E and serious falls with their 18 month old baby. i am guessing this child has been mobile for around 6 months. what he describes seems quite alot to have happened in that space of time. maybe OP needs to look at the way they are or aren't parenting to try and find out why this is happening. in the meantime keeping a better eye on their children would be a good suggestion. if that is perfect parenting then so be it. better that than having a far more serious accident. it makes sense.

What booyhoo said.

I am very sure that despite the lighthearted tone of the OP and the somewhat unfortunate thread title, the Opening poster did not find the trips to A&E an amusing interlude

I also didn't argue with the advice, but rather the sanctimonious tone by some posters.