tantrums at 15 weeks ...?

[tomate]

hello ... my lovely ds has suffered from reflux since he was a week old and spent the next 6 weeks screaming non-stop, as loud as poss, until he was diagnosed and given medicine. Now he seems to have learned to be cross. He screams and screams to the point where my ears hurt when overtired (daytime naps are the worst - 6 hours of yelling one pm last week!) and when we put him somewhere he doesn't want to be, eg arches his back so we can't put him in his car seat or when he's got bored ... it takes a walk in the buggy to calm him and even that doesn't last, but once calm he's lovely and smiley so I really don't think it's reflux pain since that made him utterly inconsolable, and you can distract him if only briefly now. I'm not really sure how to get him to calm down. None of the other mums I've met seem to have this problem, they're all a bit shocked when he kicks off! He never sleeps through and won't nap in the day ... sorry to waffle but I'm shattered! Has anyone else had this? Any ideas on tackling it? (crying out is no go - he's capable of lasting for days ...)

Can you try cranial osteopathy? Works wonders on lots of babies. There are people on here who have done this with their babies and had great effects.

i have and it did seem to help once (other times not much change) but not for v long - next day back to square one. does it take a lot of sessions usually?

I think it can have a cumulative effect - can be pricey though, can't it? I have no experience of it though - but I've seen posts from people who have tried it to great effect.

will try anything - he's gorgeous but so angry!

I would recommend it too, although not sure in your case whether the problem with your ds is that he is in pain from something or, as you suggest, a behavioural thing
normally with cranial osteopathy you would have perhaps 2-3 treatments minimum to see a good effect.

do you think he could be getting overtired if he won't nap in the day?
have you tried putting him down to sleep before he kicks off? even if that means cuddling and rocking him to sleep?

we have one of the swings, we thought he was colicky before we found out about the reflux. he was ok in it when tiny but hates it now! i have tried putting him down before it gets hectic - some days it's great and he sleeps, but only one day in four or so - most of the time it makes him mad! He finds it really hard to let go - when he does you can hear it, he lets out a big sigh. It's not like he's like this all the time or anything, most of the time he's fantastic, but at least once a day we get a big full on tantrum. I think it is being overtired more than anything else but I'm not really sure how to tackle the problem.

tomate - please stop describing him as angry and of having tantrums - he is neither of these.

He is however likely to be in pain, so see the doctor for a level of crying which is excessive.

If you think about it - he is older and so able to be distracted from pain - so gaps are normal.

Read the Fussy Baby by Dr Sears, and you will feel much better. Have you tried slings - even if you have it may be worth trying again now he is older. I used a sling from 4 months with my ds.

Oh and I just remembered - using the sling when calm should lead to more calmness throughout the day. Using it when already crying (and not at other times) is less effective.

Bobbybob - I have seen so many GPs, health visitors, paediatricians re the reflux and since then they just say he's sensitive, it's his personality etc. I used a sling until recently but he's a bit heavy for me now

Hi Tomate, have you tried swaddling? Our ds found it very difficult to settle on his own, and could scream for britain, but we found that swaddling him quite tightly made a huge difference. He also liked to be danced quite vigourously to loud music (had to have a good beat). Dd on the other hand had to be walked for hours and would scream when put down, which was exhausting (in the end we found that about an hours of dh's jiggly leg and SimCity was the only thing that would get her to sleep)

oh dear, feels like I've tried everything - he won't sleep unless swaddled, but on bad days he carries on thrashing about

Mmm - I saw a baby whisperer with a similar issue - they got a weird tilted mattress.

It's not his personality - well at least it doesn't have to be forever - that's why I don't like the terms angry, cross and tantrum for such a little baby - they simply haven't got the brain development to be any of these things.

Ds screamed and grizzled for his first 6 months of life (and beyond, but first 6 months were worst), I was as thin as a rake from all the walking around and lack of sleep and getting to eat a full meal.

Reading the Fussy baby helped me, because although I didn't find out any magic secrets I at least felt less alone from reading the case studies, and I didn't resent Bob as much because I realised he was only trying to communicate.

Bob is now 2.5, sleeps 12 hours a night (nothing during the day though!) and is talkative, sweet and friendly. He has never thrown a tantrum and has an amazing pain threshold. I really believe that keeping him close when he was little has helped us in the long run.

I still think that "sensitive" is what Drs say when something is wrong, but they just can't find out what.

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I can second the recommendation for the fussy baby book. I have taken so much comfort from it with my 10 month old ds. I describe him as "high maintenance"! Even now I have to be so alert for his tiredness cues and clock watch like mad for his daytime sleeps. For example I've found that he needs to have a sleep 2 hours and 15 minutes after waking in the morning. 2 hours 30 is too long and it can take him forever to go off but if I catch him on time he'll go off ok and have a restful sleep. At 15 weeks I would have had him back down for a sleep about an hour after waking. Even if he didn't look tired he'd go off successfully. I dislike the Gina Ford approach intensely but I do find it's useful for timing of morning naps - I just check what she says about naps and ignore the rest!

He doesn't sleep through the night and I've just accepted that this is the case. I did try letting him cry on a couple of occasions but he didn't stop and made himself ill and clung to me for the whole of the next day. I also felt unbearably guilty and felt like I had "bad mother" stamped on my forehead. I think some babies can settle themselves and some can't. We used a dummy for a while which worked until a month ago when ds decided he didn't want it anymore.

I would also suggest you have a look at the Baby Whisperer - she has very useful categories of baby types and explains her methods in relation to each of them. TBH, I think that understanding what makes your baby tick is 75% of the answer.

Good luck!

i agree, it really sounds like hes OVER tired

Just wanted to echo what Lynny said. Thankfully my DS is on the whole quite easily pleased but if he does decide to let rip it sounds like you've done something terrible to him. Even HV said she'd never heard a cry like it! Also there was never any build up when he was little: either happy and gurgling or ripping your heart out!

No advice other than that already mentioned but wanted to lend an ear!

i would second the cranial osteopathy. if you are anywhere near devon or willing to travel i can recommend someone who perfoms near miracles. he has people from abroad visting with their babies.

If it's any help at all, my dd was a very unsettled, crying baby who did the hours and hours of yelling you mention. In hindsight, I can see that she gradually grew out of it and, by the time she was one, she was lovely (if I say so myself ). For her, once she could communicate a tiny bit, she became so much calmer! I never did work out why she was like that (ds wasn't, or at least, any times we had like that were easier as I could see them as a phase rather than forever).

Just to let you know, you're not the only one.

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sure lynny70

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Hi Lynny70 - think I've changed the preferences thing of the cat