What other 'comfort' can I give my baby other than boob!

[rosie1733]

I have a 14 week yr old little boy who I am currently breastfeeding. I seem to have got myself into a 'bitty' situation where I'm breastfeeding him to sleep. Its fine at first - I feed him, he falls asleep and I put him in his cot. He then usually rouses again around 10 mins later crying. The only way I seem to be able to get him off to sleep again is to pop my breast back in his mouth. He'll suck (not feed) for a bit and fall back to sleep. He'll awake, and this normally has to be repeated 3 or 4 times before he falls asleep and stays down for the night. As a method, this works to get him to sleep (eventually), however there are the obvious drawbacks which has led me to seek advice on stopping him 'sucking to sleep':

1. My husband cant settle him: Today I popped out after initially putting him to sleep, I came home 15 mins later to find our baby paraletically crying for boob, and his Dad desperately trying to placate him by stroking his head. This left Dad feeling rather dejected that he couldnt do more to settle him himself.
2. Im anticipating that this behaviour will stop once I wean him off breastfeeding, but is this guaranteed? Im concerned that he'll still be asking for bitty when hes a toddler with teeth!
3. Its also rather difficult (not to mention undignifying and sore!), craning over the cot with my breast hanging out letting baby suck, 4 to 5 times an evening before he falls asleep.
4. Im going to need to resume some sort of freedom in the evenings which I currently cant have as me (and my breast) need to be on hand.

5. Should he be waking continually like this? My friends babies all seem to fall asleep and then stay down?

I have tried to soothe him, stroke his head, give him dummies, and even quit cold turkey with letting him suck, but in all cases, he got into a really terrible state which I couldnt handle, particularly as hes still quite young. I have tried about 6 different dummies, different shapes and sizes, and he has rejected them all! Im not too upset about the dummy rejection as I dont really want to wean him off 'comfort feeding' only for him to then get hooked on a dummy. Im not good at tough love and would feel heart-broken letting him cry himself to sleep. An idea i've had is to make the last feed of the evening a bottle, but what do i then do when he rouses again wanting some comfort??? What else can I offer him except me?? HELP!!

Its early days and virtually every breastfed baby wants the boobe all the time. Who can blame them.

As far as comforting a baby, what about a bouncy chair, baby swing, a cuddle, being sung to, back rub.

"The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantsey has plenty of suggestions on how to teach a baby to settle themselves.

He's only 14 weeks old - it's very early days yet, so do whatever it takes.

You might like to think about how you phrase your posts in future, as your 'bitty' references are quite offensive to a lot of people.
Feeding a toddler with teeth is not such a bad thing either. In fact since the WHO recommend breastfeeding for a minimum of 2 years, it's something that should be the norm.

I'm still breastfeeding my (16 month) toddler. Teeth no issue as they evolve their own feeding techniques as their little mouths develop.

As 14 weeks, I was pretty much feeding round the clock and some of that was for comfort I'm sure. I was the sole settler, still am really If I'm at home. I work away one night a week and DH has managed just fine with a bottle of EBM and some patience.

Pattern of continual feeding changed as DD became more mobile and certainly more aware.

It won't always be as it is now but I loved it at the time.

Has taken me over a year to get back to a running hobby I had. All worth it IMO though

Why on earth should being an enthusiastic bfeeder at 14 weeks have any relevance at all to how he will be at 14 months? He's a baby - he's only 14 weeks old. Let him get on with it.

I remember ds doing this. Obv.its very hard to keep bf every single time he stirs-first off I would make sure he's definately not feeding and is just sucking for comfort. Sometimes when ds had a growth spurt, he would feed for 10mins then fall asleep, then wake up 10mins later as he actually was still hungry! It would usually settle down after a couple of days.

If this def. isnt the case, can you try going into him, patting him and saying shh shh, this worked well with ds to calm him down, I'd then leave the room and go back if he started crying again. Other than this we used to give him a used muslin as a snuggly, it smelled milky, and of me so helped settle him. He still has it as a comforter now!

Tbh, I think his behaviour is quite normal. At 14 weeks he just want to be with you all the time and bf is his comfort.

I know it can be really trying sometimes, but if you possibly can I would try to go with it. He's still really tiny and it will change as he gets older.

agree with everyone else, he is tiny, this is normal

And FWIW I'm feeding 2 children, both have teeth & one can ride a trike :o

I personally would try my upturned little finger if he won't take a dummy and introduce a bottle ( expressing if necessary) and encourage dh to try settling him so baby gets used tomore than just you incase you aren't able to be there from time to time and you're boobs aren't available!

I know she won't be to everyone's taste but I found the baby whisperer really helpful with this point. Now, at night I feed to sleepbutduring day I don't and baby doesn't get confused.

Ps cantsleepwontsleep was that comment really necessary? The op has asked for some advice nicely. Seriously if you were offended tell her but don't hide under the umbrella of other mnetters.....

The first 3 months they do feed constantly. You could try a dummy now and then though if you feel like he's sucking but not really feeding. Good luck.

I agree this is normal behaviour for 14 week old. I wouldn't worry that it will be like this forever, things do change as they grow.
I have become a lot more relaxed about the issue of feeding to sleep over the years. I stressed about it a lot with my first (I probably could have written your post with my first) and used to try and try to get him to self settle. I think I felt like this because of all the pressure in the advice books etc that tell you to get them to self settle from an early age.

With dc2 & 3 I have just gone with the flow and fed them to sleep. TBH I've found it a lot less stressful this way than trying to follow what the books I read were telling me to do. My dc2 self weaned from the breast at around 12 months. He learnt to self settle of his own accord earlier than that. I am still feeding 8month old dd to sleep but recently she has started to fall to sleep on her own on several occasions and so i am not concerned that this will last forever.

Can I ask why you are craning over the cot to feed though? This sounds really uncomfortable and I don't blame you for not wanting to keep doing that - sounds like you'll give yourself a bad back! At night time feeds I lie on the bed with dd lying next to me, I find this very comfortable and I have a little doze myself when feeding.

Hi Cupofcoffee - Reason I crane over the cot is so i can let him suckle back to sleep without having to move/disturb him. I know it probably sounds crazy but it makes settling him that little bit easier...for him anyway!

I agree with Raejj - my upturned little finger works a treat to get DS off to sleep

Pick him up and take him into bed with you. You can feed lying down and you both get more rest. Don't do the craning over a cot thing - it'ss hurt your back, and you'll end up feeing cross and in pain and resentful

We struggled to combine breastfeeding/use dummies/get DH involved in feeding with our second child. As and when you decide your ready introduce combined bottle/breast feeding we found 'breastflow' bottles amazing, he took to them instantly....after refusing all bottles and dummies. They simulate breastfeeding with a double teat that 'lets down' milk as a breast does. Having the bigger feed and patting his back as we did it meant he slept longer and was used to DH in no time. He now goes to bed full and awake....but settles in minutes....and we can occasionaly get a babysitter!

I also fed him laying on my bed. Great for bonding. All the advice about comforters, your scent and a patting/shhhh ing routine all also worked for me....but it all takes time. Good luck!

My Mum commented when I was going through this period..'Just look how far hes come in a month!' It can be difficult to see progress when its slow....a feeding sleeping diary helps too.