Please tell me how to talk to my 4 year old

[leplan]

DS1 seems to be having major testosterone surges at the moment. Very stroppy, teenager like behaviour, lots of aggression, not fair, not doing anything etc.

This sounds ridiculous but I have no idea how to talk to him. I try not to shout at him (although not always successful) as I know this makes his behaviour, in turn, worse.

I try to talk to him firmly but I have a feeling (which DH has also commented on) that I have just become a hectoring nag.

When I try to talk to him softly and calmly I just feel that he's walking all over me and I'm some kind of powerless pushover (that kind of, please stop kicking me darling)

Oh I sound ridiculous but I am so sick of being spoken to the way he does.

Help

oh yes sparky i know if i start the day off badly then the rest of it will be downhill.

sometimes i get to the point where i need to say "stop!we are starting today again." sometimes it works (when my brain and body are both willing) and sometimes it just halts proceedings. i am quite a literal person so I find actually starting again (dcs going back to bed for a few minutes and me going in to 'get them up' or when ds2 is napping, i ask ds to have some playtime in teh playroom while i have a cuppa.) that way i get 5 minutes peace (halleluja) and start again when i go up to get them.

I couldn't get on with httskwl either. Bit too touchy felt for me. But I'm sure he's right.

I heard the divas and dictators on the radio last week and he sounded very good. Saying the same thing but maybe in a bit more of a 'british' way.

It's SO reassuring to read this thread, as ds1 (4:5) is displaying loads of these behaviours too... fattybum - he started sometimes copying everything I say a couple of weeks ago and it's totally infuriating! I've explained why I don't like it and now have zero tolerance on this one- just remove myself from the room as soon as he starts doing it..!

I'm certainly not managing to stay calm at all times, but I totally agree with sleeping that an injection of humous can help a lot. Sometimes if we've reached deadlock about getting dressed/ brushing teeth/ eating slowly at mealtimes or any of the thousand other things that seem to crop up on a daily basis, the situation is defused by me or dh saying "Well whatever you do, don't smile./ I only want to see a furious, grumpy face/ Well please don't go and brush your teeth, i might fall over with surprise" (followed by falling over theatrically if he actually does what he's asked) Sounds daft and gets wearing when you have to do it zillions of times a day (internally screaming "can you not just do what you're asked??!") but at least it usually results in giggling and often cooperation.

Ds is suddenly also incapable of entertaining himslef for 5 minutes, which is making the long summer holiday drag. In his defence, I have to keep reminding myself that he's coping with a new baby brother, a house move and with leaving preschool, which he loved. On top of the 4-yr-old testosterone surge..?

It is bloody hard work at this age. Will follow this thread with interest to pick up more tips!

Injection of humour not hummus!!

Do you have an iPhone? There is an app on their called smacktalk which is a hamster/puppy/kitten that repeats everything you say but in a squeaky voice.

Ds thinks it's the most hilarious thing he's ever seen.

L

'there' even

Ds2 has decided to get up at 6am on a Saturday.

Urgghhhhhh

i feel your pain leplan.

yesterday i was awake from 4.45 and could not get back to sleep no matter how i tried. and i couldn't even blame the dcs as they stayed sleeping til 8!!

Not had a bad morning, but been stuck in the house. I was just about to serve lunch, so asked ds1 to help tidy up his toys. Starts well but as soon as I leave him to it, having done half of it with him, he starts just throwing the toys into the toy box. I just stayed quiet, trying not to overreact even though I know that he needed to be more careful. Feel terrible cos in the end I just exploded, shouting at him and ds2 about how they don't deserve toys if they're not gonna look after them, and even threw a few cars in the bin!

fatty my rule is that if he throws something it gets confiscated and is earnt back by good behaviour.

if tehy can't look after it, they don't deserve it. i used to throw them in the bin when he threw them but it meant i was actually throwing out some pretty expensive stuff.

Boo, I introduced this rule but DS just started throwing DS2's toys instead.

I have to admire his thinking on occasion

he's way ahead of you!!

oh dear, i don't know what you can do then. maybe for each of ds2's tpys that he throws you give ds2 one of his? no, i know that's not the way to sibling harmony but it's all my head is coming up with right now

Tried that iPhone app leplan- ds thought it was hilarious! Turned the tables on him anyway... We've actually had a good day today, as we have lots of extended family visiting, so he's not been deprived of attention all day long. I've never threatened toys in bin for throwing - might give that a go next time.