Anger management for an 8yr old - HELP

[Clicker997]

Hi, Anyone out there that can help? I have an 8 year old son who has had behavioural problems for a while, having outbursts at school and after school club mainly. I have seen a number of "professionals" but am at my wits end because no-one can seem to help give me strategies and help with getting to the bottom of it and as he's getting older, the outbursts are becoming more aggressive. It is affecting my health and the family dynamics. I am a single parent and unfortunately get no support from my ex (although my mum is great). Has anyone had similar challenges? I don't know where to turn next......

Sounds similar to DS-6yo. We are trying fish oils and treating the angry outbursts as a reaction to anxieties (so tackle the anxiety and maybe he won't get so angry). Not very successful, I admit. It's a pain, sympathies!

Have you tried changing his diet? When he returns to school ask to see his teacher and say you'd like him referred to Behaviour Services as you're finding it hard to cope and need practical help.

Obvious solutions : is he worried/upset about something? Have you spoken to your GP? Does he do lots of physical activities to get rid of all that energy? Books to help him talk about his anger and why he feels so cross? (One is There's a Volcano in My Tummy from Amazon), Self help tips - get him to count to ten and practise breathing exercises (smell the rose, blow out the candle - breathe in deeply through your nose, blow out through the mouth as if blowing out a candle).

Hope this helps a bit. Hang in there and keep talking to him.

I would slowly go through Maslow's needs and see what you can do. My 8 year old is more aggressive than the others and I think aggression comes from being confused or not getting enough attention. My DH and I argue a lot and he speaks to me badly, and I him, and think this is directly responsible for my dss anger....that said it seems to be pretty common at this age.

Mowgli mentioned diet and IMO wheat is responsible for anger outbursts also inexplicable tiredness you could try giving him whole rice & ryvita, etc.

I was advised on another website that it takes 2 months of eliminating a food before you can be sure of whether it affects behaviour or not, btw.

And then you have to introduce the food just once and wait at least a week before you can be sure whether it made a difference or not.

I don't home-ed so that was completely impractical, but the long lead-in is something to keep in mind if you're going to play with his diet. Gluten and Salicyclates are other popular alleged culprit foods.

another thumbs up for 'Volcano in my tummy'' excellent workbook.
Teach your son how to breathe (as mowgli suggested).
can he tell you when he becoming angry? Talk about how he feels in his head and in his body when he is angry (talk when he is calm) and see if you can intervene. He will need your help, it isn't easily or quickly fixed, but I promise, it can be fixed.
my little spitfire can now walk away from situations which used to make him explode with agression (usually unfairness was the trigger)
Finding the triggers is really useful.(tired? Hungry? Injustice? Frustration? All these are common triggers for many children.

Clicker, I've done a lot of work with my son on anger management, can offer you some visual tools if you think they might help. He's now 11 and managing very well, though he was a nightmare at 8 which was around the time we started using things like 5-point scales etc.

Do you have CAT? If not email me karen dot thirlaway at blueyonder dot co dot uk.

the other thing is, if it is happening at school, talk to the school constantly about what might trigger outbursts, how they deal with it and keep a united front.
My came up with his own solution of a colour card system as I had told him to seek help from an adult if he felt angry, rather than hitting someone, but when he did ask for help from a lunchtime supervisor, she wasn't aware of the issue and so sent him packing. Five minutes later, he lost it, big time....
By talking to the school, everyone was singing from same hymn sheet. So afterwards, When he showed a red card to an adult it meant ''I am losing control, please help'' and all adults were aware of this.

it worked wonders! with lots of similar techniques, he now has better control and awareness over his strong, danger emotions than many adults.

clicker ... start with his diet. Eliminate preservatives and anything artificial. It sounds tricky, but it's really very easy. You must become an expert at looking at the back of packets ... the crap they put into our food is seriously affecting our kids behaviour. Try it for a month and see the difference. Also, another post mentioned fish oil supplements - I couldn't agree more, they have done wonders for both my sons. EyeQ are a good product as they include Omega 3,6, & 9. Good luck

Thanks everyone. Have now investigated fish oils and also got really good advice on the 5 point scale. Feeling much better about things I can do to improve things..... I know you can't wave a magic wand but just knowing other people have been through similar things is a comfort and realising I'm not a bad parent!