would you say something?

[weegiemum]

I'm not especially close to my youngest brother, but see him several times a year at family events/occasional meet ups with his family. I have 3 dcs aged 6, 8, 10, he has a son aged 16 months.

My dh is a GP and he has a special interest in paediatrics, with a lot of extra training etc. he is convinced that my brother's ds is on the autistic spectrum. He avoids eye contact, never points, never smiles, never laughs, only very rarely cries (physical injury is the only situation in which we have ever seen him cry).

My brother and his wife have decided not to give the MMR as they are concerned about autism (we have another brother with AS).

If you were in our position with an untested but pretty professional view, would you say? My brother is very very protective of his ds, as is his wife. They have never let anyone babysit overnight, or in fact for more than a couple of hours through the day (never at bedtime).

I really don't want to sound like I am criticising them, but you really can't say anything about their ds to them without it precipitating a major family crisis.

Would you just keep schtum, and let them find out on their own if there is a problem?

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I wouldn't say anything. Sounds like they are protective of only DS and could easily cause family rift.

Id keep quiet too.

I suspect they already have their own concerns.

Just be there and offer a professional shoulder if they need it (in addition to the sisterly shoulder )

I once made the mistake of suggesting to my dad that my half brother (now aged 10, then aged 7) is on the autistic spectrum. Both my dad and I are teachers, he with a specialism in behavioural difficulties for over thirty years. He knows he is on the spectrum but was really angry about me raising it. I was pretty taken aback by his reaction, but he has since explained that they are getting support from the appropriate agencies. dad wants me to see him as my brother, not as someone with a syndrome to apply my professional experience to.
It may be that your brother feels the same (in addition to the fact that 16 months is too early to be definitive). Your DH is his uncle, not his doctor.