I know this has been done before but 21 mo DS2 becoming very aggressive - how to handle it??

[Ceebee74]

DS2 has started hitting when he is frustrated or angry, such as when we say 'no' to something.

He will hit any of us and fortunately DS1 doesn't retaliate (yet!).

I am holding his arm and firmly telling him 'no we don't hit' which kind of works at the time but this morning, I did that and then he started deliberately stamping on my foot which took me a bit by surprise.

How do I make sure it is just a phase? (Don't remember DS1 going through this!)

Anyone?

My son is similar at 25 months and there was a thread about it not long ago - we found that saying no completely didn't work and still doesn't, he just laughs. This has caused a few problems. We try to redirect, look on it as a social skills deficit and tell him an alternative. Also to praise madly any time he doesn't do it!

wanted to reply!

this happpened in our house and still does i'm afraid with ds2 who is now 3.5

i can't really remember how it started but his anger and frustration has always been directed at his older brother (we have a dd who is 1.5)

i keep a close eye on all of them is i don't tolerate unkindness or teasing in anyway and i still don't know what the triggers are, although i suspect that its hunger/tiredness mostly.

ds1 is a very mild tempered child and has only just after nearly two years of this behaviour started hitting back....which makes things complicated but at times seems justifiable.

i'm always consistent but he hasn't got over this as yet, he isn't like this with other children/at preschool and he seems to just really resent his big brother which is such a shame as there are times when they do get on really well.

he does have understanding that its wrong if i explain why we don't hit but he is a very passionate child with a quick temper.

good luck! keep an even temper, don't scream and react quickly when it happens

We've been going through this with DS for the last couple of months (he's 22 months now).

Isolating him when he does it seems to work - moving him to another part of the room and not letting him engage until he says sorry (we started by saying sorry and holding his hand to stroke people - now he either strokes their arm, says sorry or does both), but this strategy can be hit or miss.

Something that has really worked in the last week or so (think he must have just worked out what empathy is), is looking really sad when he does it and saying 'That's sore, you've hurt Mummy/Daddy'. He looks quite sad and comes over and hugs/says sorry of his own accord. Since doing this, he seems to be hitting out much less.

We've been encouraging him to cuddle us a lot and praising him a lot when he does - he has recently started to initiate cuddles.

Of course, when he is angry or feels 'wronged' he is still hitting out occasionally, but it is getting better.

DS (just 2) is a bit like this, he also likes to push other children. The telling him no route wasn't working for us, so instead I've been trying to teach him about having "kind hands". I draw smiley faces on his hands, and we talk about the things that kinds hands will do - e.g. he will tell me "kind hands are gentle", or "kind hands share". If he gets pushy or starts hitting I ask where his kind hands are and tell him that mummy likes it when boys have kind hands, and if needs be draw the smiley faces on. Seems to be working, so far!

thanks for the responses.

Love the idea of 'kind hands'

Tbh, he is a very caring child and will cry whenever he sees DS1 is crying and go and cuddle him, always giving hugs to other children (nursery have told us that he is one of the most caring children they have) which is why his behaviour is so

Will try the suggestions on here

This happened with DS at the same age and the trigger was playdates at our house ie other kids playing with his toys + not having 100% of my attention.
Saying 'no hitting' and redirection did not work very well - but this did:

1. Time Out: you are staying in this room for one minute because you hit XXX. We do not hit.
2. Had to repeat this later. This time 2 minutes with the same explanation.
3. Talked about it with him that evening: hitting, kicking, pushing is not a nice thing to do. We do not do this. Got him to repeat it back: no hitting etc.
4. Reminded him before a playdate: no hitting, no pushing. Got him to repeat it back.
5. Extravgant praise for playing nicely and sharing during the playdate.
6. Extravagant praise that evening, tell daddy about it. Praise the following morning too if it was particularly nice behaviour. Also being specific: that was really good when you shared your fire engine with XXX, that was a really nice thing to do. Letting him talk about how well he'd done and be pleased with himself. Cuddles.

There was an immediate, fairly dramatic improvement and after about 3 weeks or so I didn't have to remind him how to behave before a playdate. He is 2.4 now and we've had no

I think the key things were: a clear rule, a clear sanction and LOTS of praise and attention for doing well.

Shoofly thanks for your advice - seems really well planned and obviously successful

I did have a little chuckle at points 3 and 4 bearing in mind DS2's vocab is very limited and we can't even get him to repeat his own name, let alone phrases such as 'no hitting' Although DS1 did ask him this morning to say 'dog' to which DS2 replied 'woof'