Sending children to bed early...

[grumblegrumble]

or to their room.

My DCs are 3 and 5 and after really bad behaviour on a day out - constant low level stuff and immune to distraction, provision of toys, food, use of naughty step/time out, appeals to their better nature etc - I sent them to their rooms when we got home (at 4) and there they stayed for the rest of the day (allowed down to eat).

I mentioned this to my mum and she seemed to think I was a bit harsh. But they had their toys in their rooms, they were playing with them, and I didn't shout/smack/lock them in. I just thought it was a good way of marking really unacceptable behaviour, especially as all the stuff I'd tried while we were out had failed.

Is that a really old-fashioned punishment these days?

I can't see the point in doing this to be honest, it's not a punishment as thy have just moved to another room to play. I also don't agree with sending children to bed early as a punishment, they will just mess about upstairs as they won't be tired and will probably end up having sleep issues. A punishment needs to be at the time of the mischief, not hours later because they won't remember.
If you want some peace from them for 20 minutes then I'd send them to their room.

I have used short-term banishing to rooms for a few mins of peace when they are squabbling. But they ruined the day out and I'd tried to punish them while we were out, to no effect.

So I thought sending them to their rooms when we got home - threatened while we we out - might just be a 'marker' of especially bad behaviour. Despite my mum's reservations, I do recall getting a similar punishment when I was a child.

They were pretty subdued about it and did understand why they were being punished at home for things they'd done earlier.

The sending to bed would only work, I think, if it is close to bedtime.

I think its ok.
You are putting distance between yourself and them. Not sure i would send them for any more than about 20mins or so...just enough time to calm myslef down and think of a plan of action....and have a cuppa in peace.

No huge crime tho.

I do feel your annoyance. A 3 year old really isn't going to remember what they have done though so a punishment needs to be right away.
I have brought a poorly behaved ds home early from a day out as a punishment.

Belle, that's my usual tactic, but we had to be where we were, so the going home early wasn't an option. I think they sensed my weakness... .

My 3 year old understood though - she argued and attempted to negotiate all the way home about why she shouldn't have to go to her room....!

Sneeky children!

I am very mean, I'd make them do some cleaning when they got home (supervised and age appropriate of course)

Have a glass of wine

Not really sure whether it is 'right' or 'wrong' but am amazed that your DC stayed in their rooms

I know my DS1 (who is 4), if he was in that mischievous mood with continuous low-level naughtiness etc, would absolutely not stay in his room as he would see constantly coming out as another way to annoy me misbehave!!

I've always tried to not use ds's bedroom as punishment, it is hard though when you just want them out of your sight for a bit!

It is an over the top punishment regarding their age. The 3 yr old won't really understand why he/she has been banished, if they are being naughty their behaviour has to be dealt with on the spot or the "cause and effect" will be completely lost.

The 5 yr old should have been sent to his room for no more than 10 minutes.

Actually, I will stick my neck out here and say it was borderline cruel.

Headfairy, I'd always taken that view too, that their rooms were for them to relax and play. But now they are older, time out/naughty step doesn't do the trick and sending them upstairs 'until they can play nicely/behave' seems to work, but usually takes less than 5 mins (they are too nosey...).

And I don't hold to prolonged punishment, either, I usually prefer to tell off, and then move on. I suppose that's the more modern approach?

I was just at the end of my tether, and other than really lose my temper and yell, I'd run out of ways to get through to them. And once I'd threatened it, I had to do it, although it did make me feel calmer. Just a bit like I had actually turned in to my mother....

Crackfox, I don't think it was cruel. They were content in their rooms but understood they were being punished. I think cruelty exists in lots of forms, but I wouldn't use that term about a loving, responsible parent trying to teach/chastise their child.

Maybe what I did wasn't ideal. I'm interested in what people do now, to punish really bad behaviour that, if unaddressed, will impact on our day to day lives - in this instance, being really wild and rude while we were at a day out that we had to stay at?

And it was out of character, too, so it's not like I've let them run wild then suddenly cracked down. I couldn't actually believe my eyes/ears at the things they were doing.

We have always been able to take them anywhere, decent restaurants, weddings, without a problem. But on this occasion, they were bad.