So sad and upset today. Why is my gorgeous boy such a thug?

[ZombiePlanB]

He repeatedly hits other children, and his friends at the park if he doesn't get his own way. Or a toy he wants. He lashes out. Or if an unwary smaller child hits him. It's so depressing. He is 3 and just has a new baby brother.

It's so bad that other children flinch when he comes near them.

Where did I go wrong? I have tried and tried.

I'm worried about pre-school. He's a july baby and deals with things by hitting. He hits me when he's asked not to do things.

Just so sad that mine is the violent child.

You are going to have to be firm with him.

Every time he displays that behaviour take him straight out of the situation, saying "you do not hit anyone". Keep doing it until he gets the message that hitting people= no toys, play,etc.

Fistly dont despair, he is only 3 and it doesnt mean he is a thug or you doing something wrong. Alot of 3 year old go through similar things, ds1 went through a biting stage. Its quie possible the new baby brother is a fator, so it probably worth giving him some special time when baby asleep to reassure him. How is his communication, often children can slash out when they cant communicate why they upset or what they want.
But like scurryfunge said you have to be firm, perhaps time out or no toys. With ds1 putting his favourite bob the builder toy on top of the cupboard every time he bite made him stop within two weeks. No matter why he doing it being firm and consistent and letting him no it is no way acceptable to hit will work

Has he been to preschool/similar yet? You may find that they are able to improve this sort of thing - you will have to be honest at the outset, advise them of the problems and they will have seen it many times before and hopefully know how to help him.

It's coz he has a new baby brother. Don't worry too much, it'll just be a phase. My child was the "violent child" and I worried so much about it. Apart from anything else it's really embarrassing. He's 4.4 and still prone to strops but rarely hits

Yep, i'm often pulled to one side at pre school to be told mine's been hitting or stroppig or both.

It does make you feel awful. :( You do feel like you're being judged though by other parents don't you. You just want to scream at them, THIS ISN'T MY FAULT!!!but that probably wouldn't help the situation.

I do everything I can to stop it and i'm very firm. You just have to keep your chin up and be consistent.:)

thank you for all the replies. I got a decent night's sleep and suddenly it doesn't seem so bad. After chatting to dh we realised that ds1 was very tired and hadn't hd much mummy one on one time recently. So we need to remedy that. That seems to help the behaviour.

He is going to pre-school in Sept. My quandary is do I mention that the hitting is a big issue? I want to warn them but don't want them to think ds1 is a problem child before they have even interacted with him, IFSWIM.

I do need to be firm, but leaving after one infraction is a nightmare, coz of packing up ds2. And he does it when I am feeding, probably on purpose to get some attention.

Will work on it. Thank you for the suggestions and reassurance.

I would leave it and see how he goes at preschool rather than mention it right off.
They will be used to all kinds of behaviour. It may be he settles there OK. If not, and they mention it you could say it has been happening at home and maybe agree joint strategies eg sticker at school ...
many preschool children save their tantrums for home!