problems with granny

[fattybum]

just returned from another disasterous day out with my mum. I have two boys, who are 4 and 2. 4 year old always been a handful, and seems to get worse when granny is around. She seems to think I am too strict and need to just ignore a lot more. Because of this, I can never be completely comfortable around her because i feel judged. Just take today as an example. We went out for lunch in a cafe, which was fine. Both boys behaved well. Went to the park after, which started ok, but then for some reason ds1 started getting grumpy. He does this strange grunting thing at people when in this mood, mostly with us. I usually tell him not to do it because it's rude. After him making this noise at granny about 3 times, I got down to his level and told him to stop because it is rude. This is the kind of thing that my mum thinks I should just ignore. Am I being too strict? I don't want him to go around thinking this is acceptable behaviour!

She should respect your rules, there is no right or wrong here, just opinion. They are your children so its your rules!

Thanks! It's hard though, because there are so many things like this with her and I find it hard to deal with. She doesn't try to encourage please and thank-yous or asking for things before taking them. I have mentioned this, but it doesn't change anything. Am I expecting to much of her or should she be trying to be consistent with what I do?

if they are well behaved all the rest of the time then "granny rules" on little things won't harm them :-) even though it must be extremely frustrating!

Understand how you feel as my mum undermines me with my ds...if he is having a tantrum I will walk out the room and ignore him but she will insist on keep peeping in and smiling at him, or trying to reason with him! She never keeps to his bedtime routine and thinks I am much to strict at bedtime...she says we never had a routine and all slept through brilliantly from 6 weeks, and never regressed.

I think part of this is down to her forgetting what me and my sisters were like, and the other part being down to the fact she's not with ds all day every day like I am so can get away with being 'softer' on him. Most of the time though, I just let her get on with it...its a grandparents perogative to spoil their grandchildren, and I'm just glad she loves ds, and spends so much time with us

Nothing to do with granny-coping strategies but I am so glad to hear that somebody else's 4 yr old does that grunting thing when he is tired! My son drives me to distraction with it. So I don't blame you for mentioning it.

Just thought I'd share your pain with that particular delightful behaviour :)

Your mum sounds great, lucky you to have her support and days out together. Ask your Health Visitor what she/he thinks about the grunting.

My Mum looks after DD 2 days a week and to some extent during that time its her rules, but I do expect her to respect my parenting choices when I'm about.
Maybe you should take your Mums advice and when she tells you things you don't want to hear - just ignore them