Does anyone else have a very anxious toddler under 2

[Mousieme]

Hi just wondering if anyone else has a cautious/anxious toddler. DS is 20 months is very cautious. Some of the things he does make me wonder if this is normal behaviour? Three other DD's...one was anxious but not like this. Some of the things he does

Won't go to anyone else but me, DH and siblings...will reluctantly go to carer's at daycare....except sometimes he will let someone pick him up briefly if they are visiting at home. Does well in shops but if someone gets too close he will frown, look away, sometimes growl. He does seem to flit from one toy to another mostly needs occupying has a hard job playing by himself.

Tonight got home from work and he was hysterical. DH had put on a shrek dvd next thing DS is screaming. Settled in about half an hour but he kept looking around the room and wanted bed. Didn't want the TV on again..cant say I'm suprised. He doesnt do well in new places just waves bye bye and gets upset. He does settle eventually.He has the same reaction to pretty much anything new. Clothes, shoes sometimes toys. Took 10 weeks to be able to do a weekly half hour swimming lesson without getting distressed. Anyone else have DC that was or is similar?

DD is 13 months now and a very cautious baby. Whenever we go anywhere I have to hold her in my arms for a long long time before I can even think about putting her on the floor to play with other babies, even babies she knows well and have known from birth.

She doesn't mind new things or places, in fact enjoys as long as she's close to mummy or daddy.

I needed a nanny for 1 day a week to look after her so that I could attend physio. It took 4 nannies before I found 1 I could leave her with. Despite all these ladies being well qualified and well thought of and clearly good with babies. She just wanted mummy and would howl and howl and not stop until I was back and holding her.

She will not let strangers hold her or pick her up but if I'm holding her or she's in the stroller she doesn't mind at all and is all smiles for them.

I think she's just a gentle little sensitive soul who's a bit shy.

I do my best to socialise her with other babies and kids but without scaring her or aking her uncomfortable in social situations.

Perhaps your DS is also just shy?

As for the flitting between toys, DD only does that when she's teething and its making her uncomfortable.

As for the Shrek dvd, perhaps your DS found it really scary? Big green monster thing?

Mousieme, my DS, now 2.9, has always been like this. Very anxious about loud noises, new situations, doesn't like change, cries when left at nursery even after 18 months there but is quite happy during day, at the moment is crying even when left with my parents who see him all the time and have done since he was a baby. You might find either of these books interesting - Raising your spirited child (if he also has quite a strong personality) or The Highly Sensitive Child, both of which deal with these kinds of issues. I have found that the most random things upset my DS, but unexpected noises and situations are the worst. I know he is young but you could start preparing him as early as you can for what you are going to do that day to help him know what is coming up. My DS always checks first thing to see what we are doing today, and if anything deviates it tends to upset him. Sometimes sensitive children find transitions from one situation to another difficult, so even if he can't speak much to communicate this to you, you might be able to help by telling him what is going to happen to prepare him as much as you can as he will understand more than he can say. I hope this helps!

Hi thankyou both very much for your input. Yes skandi DS is very shy doesn't like much eye contact makes him uncomfortable. Your little one sounds like an absoulte gem. Bongirl thankyou yes it helps! Will see if they sell the book here, I'm not in the UK. Definately relate to the nursery crying DS still does after a year as well. I've just spent the last hour trying to get him into the bedroom, he can see the tv and its turned off. He's signing to me that he wants to go to bed so its obviously stuck in his mind..did you find this also that if your DS does get a scare that it can take awhile to get over it? DS is also the same with new places and people mostly waves bye bye as soon as we get there LOL.

This is just like my DD!
I have just bought the book 'Highly Sensitive Child', as mentioned above, and am impressed with it so far (about half way through now!).

She really stands out from the other kiddies her age, as they all run off to play at all the groups, and my DD is happier to stand next to me the whole time!

I was 'shy' as a child - I was labelled 'shy' anyway - which led me to be able to 'get away' with being 'shy'. I didn't have to join in if I didn't want to, as everyone knew me as 'shy' - but I did really want to join in - but didn't know how too after being labelled as 'shy' for so long!

I won't be saying that my DD is 'shy', but that she'll join in when she's ready. Hopefully this will work out better for her.

All the best with yours.

Thanks Tw1nkle! Bit hard to know what is normal without comparisons. DD's were definately very different than ds, although DS two was very anxious but not quite to this degree.