2.11 year old won't change clothes

[AuntieBulgaria]

DD spent about 4 days and 3 nights in a nylon fairy outfit last week. This week, she has been wearing the same dress for about 5 days and 4 nights.

She will take the outfit off for bathime and will choose clean pants every day but then puts her dress back on. If we try to get her to put pjs on for bed, she refuses and eventually has a melt down.

The other night I said she could keep the dress on but needed to change the t shirt under it and that she couldn't have a bedtime story unless she cooperated. After about 15 minutes wailing she eventually agreed but then woke me up at about 5am, in tears and demanding the original t shirt back on - and at that time in the morning I'm afraid I gave in.

The fairy outfit had started to get dirty and scruffy and I managed to persuade her out of it by discussing wth her a list of reasons for keeping it on Vs taking it off.

Do I
a) focus on getting her to cooperate either by a reward (star chart) or punishment (e.g. time out type) system.

or
b) pick my battles and as long as she's not flithy or smelly let her control this one aspect of her life?

I naturally gravitate towards b) but then have fits of worrying that I should be the one in charge.

I'd go for B

You are doing bloody well in my opinion if you are getting her bathed and her knickers changed every day, while she is in this phase! She's clean, her undies are clean, and kids this young don't get stinky in that scenario. Leave well alone imo. This is one of the little things and not worth fighting.

And I don't think it's important enough for you to need to push the 'in charge' thing....and of course it's a phase and won't last. Why fight your way through it when she's clean and healthy, and you will get to the end of this phase whether you fight or not?!

I don't pick my battles very carefully. I caused great deal of upset to DS1 by hiding his fave shorts and banning them for short while.

Have to say, he forgot about it for a few days and after explaining they needed a rest and a wash he calmed down a lot. He's 4.

Think I need to let him decide for rest of holidays and be nicer.

How about buying her a new fairy outfit so she can alternate between two? Now, that would be a good bribe/treat for her!

I agree with SLEEPNG, but I would still put PJs out every night [maybe buy some new ones and let her choose them?]

I would also insist outfits are washed if they are too dirty. Maybe let her wash them in the sink, she might enjoy doing that.

Thanks sleepingsowell - it feels like very hard going at the moment, so it's very nice to hear someone saying we are doing well!

She's changed childminder in the last week, having been with th e previous one for two years. So I am even more inclined to cut her some slack but I suppose my adult brain just can't understand why she wants to keep the same dress on at night.

I say, 'why not take it off at bedtime as you will be asleep, then I can wash it and you can have it fresh and clean in the morning'. But she just says 'I want to wear it all day and all night mama, it's my favourite dress. I won't get it dirty, I promise.'

I did manage to persuade her to take this week's dress off on saturday as she'd got quite a lot of jam on it. I washed it on our super quick 15 min cycle but she wanted to put it on again straight after. After a couple of minutes of feeling cold and damp she agreed to wait until it was dry again but then spent the whole day asking if it was ready (we don't have a tumble drier) I had to iron it dry in the end so we could leave the house dressed in more than vest and pants.

This phase has crept up on us - we'd avoided terrible twos on the whole and then bam, all of a sudden; utterly and completely incomprehensible hysterics about not being able to sellotape back together a broken breadstick.

I might have a go at offering some alternative outfits tomorrow but its the first day back at CMs after the 4 days at home so I'm not going to push it.

she is determined, isn't she! I think also it was so brilliant of you to allow her to put it on damp and experience the feeling - so sensible. Otherwise it's just you as the adult telling her it's wet and her not even really understanding what you mean - so easy for us as adults to forget that sometimes their little life experience doesn't match ours!

good for you I say, keep calm and carry on! And agree with you re extra slack during this change of CM time for her x

I think you are handling it brilliantly Auntie. Just tread gently while she settles in with the new childminder

I have 2 DDs- neither of them suffered from the terrible twos, but as soon as they approached 3-lots and lots of "discussions" over the simplist of things occurred, day after blooming day!! -Its all coming back now!!

I always think- well as long as they arent doing this sort of think when they are 25, they'll be ok!

Oh man, determined is definitely the word. :)

'I do it by my own,' is her no.1 phrase.

QuickLookBusy - I hope you're going to tell me that it's not going to take until she's 25 though! How old are your DDs now?

This morning was priceless.

DD found her snow white costume and got upset that we hadn't let her put it on last night. She wanted it to be bedtime; not bedtime tonight, but bedtime yesterday, so she could go back and have wanted to put it on then.

She also wanted honey shreddies which we didn't have.

So we wrote a shopping list with Honey Shreddies and Dr Who's TARDIS on it. DD said she would be his girl 'insistent'.

She's not wrong there.