who should discipline?

[sunnyside]

My sister's kids are cared for full time by my parents. They are now 5 and 8, both boys. The older boy can be very unruly; hitting out, grunting and growling when reprimanded etc. This is much worse when we all get together as it seems to me like no-one really takes responsibilty for dealing with their behaviour. I feel that when the real parents are there then they should do the disciplining but this often ends up with their father screaming at them and it's difficult to tell who is the adult. What do you think?

I heve made a consciuos decision that if S and BIL are there then I do not get involved but I was quite taken aback when BIL felt the need to speak sharply to my almost 13 month old DS because he was pulling the stone on my necklace. I was wearing it and hadn't even noticed!

I mean my parents look after the kids while their parents both work full time.

I agree with you, if the parents are there, it is their job.

The parents, but if they stay in your parents house then they might have different set of rules so also entitled to discipline IMO

I agree that my parents should discipline em when they have them and also to some extent even when their parents are there but tbh it just seems to confuse the kids. Unless (to credit them) they just play the situ to their advantage. It's a bit like no man's land.

My daughter (3) Spends a lot of time with her grandparents, great grandparents and her aunties. When we are all together there is an agreement that who ever sees her misbehaving can tell her off/send her for timeout and will be supported 100% by the rest of us. We laid down the ground rules for her behaviour and what we feel is appropriate discipline and informed the rest of the family as to what we want to achieve and are very lucky in that everyone sings from the same song sheet. We feel that this is very important as DD allways knows where she stands with us all. Sounds as if they all need to sit down and discusss what they feel is acceptable and establish some basic ground rules which everyone follows. If they aren't taking responsibility for their own childrens behaviour I think it is wrong for them to be telling your child/ren off.

Mummyhill sounds like you've got it sorted to me. I'm going to suggest your idea of sitting down and deciding. Like adults!

I agree , I think BIL should look at the log in his own eye before pointing out our speck! (As they say!)