3yr old DS hits himself on the head when he's annoyed / tantrumming / being told off

[Meglet]

DS is 3.9 and for the last few weeks he's been hitting himself on the head whenever he's being told off or tantrumming.

I've been trying to play it down and tell him to be gentle and be nice to his head but he's still doing it. It's horrible to see him do it and I want to get him out of the habit asap. Not sure if he's doing it out of frustration / anger or what?

In general he's very hard work for me and refuses to do as he's told, at nursery he's on best behaviour and the staff are amazed when I tell them what a handful he's being. FWIW I've never smacked him once, but he's getting pretty 'hitty' at the moment.

How does he explain himself when you ask why he does it?

Good point. I haven't asked . I will ask him when he does it next.

I'm so worried when he does it that I'm usually trying to diffuse the situation / tell him off.

lenin Everything is a battle with him at the moment. Getting undressed / dressed / going to the toilet / coming to the table / putting toys away... etc. Any requests for him to do anything (even 'easy' things) result in a screaming meltdown. He's having a nap at the moment by the way, or else I wouldn't be sitting down.

Everyone keeps telling me that children are always much worse for their parents, but it would be nice to enjoy my children for once instead of everyone else getting their good side!

DD went through a mini-phase of doing this (think she was a bit younger, but can't recall exactly).

When it became clear it wasn't a one-off, I turned it into a bit of a game. Every time she'd hit herself, I'd rush over and kiss/cuddle her - the way you would do a child who had bumped their head/fallen down, etc. We'd end up laughing, and it seemed to defuse the frustration.

She stopped doing it - either because she'd 'grown out of it' or because my strategy worked and sent her the message that she wasn't going to be allowed to 'punish' herself.

Reading other posts, my strategy obviously very different to the 'ignore' advice posted by others.......

aaw, earlybird I never thought of that. DS has a good little sense of humour, it might help.

I do wonder if he's punishing himself, he doesn't see his dad and my dad has just died so I worry about the effect that has on him.

lenin He is a good sleeper, I might lose the plot if he wasn't. [counts blessings]

He's already at nursery 4 days a week so another year until reception class starts.

He's a treasure at nursery, it's just mum that gets the rough end of the stick. Hopefully it is just a tough stage we're going through and he'll stop doing it soon.

I'm going to be watching this one with interest. DD is 16 mo and has been doing this from about 9 mo. Very worrying and hard to do, but have tried ignoring (works best) and distraction (works on the tantruming the best).

The only thing I have learnt is that she knows where to bang her head and where not to. Marble floor of my mothers - no. Viynl floor at home - yes.

DS 20 months started to do this too when I tell him no he will hit himself or bang his head. Thought there was something wrong till I read this...guessing it is reasonably common? Never had it with any of 3 DD's

Update... I tried earlybirds suggestion of giving kisses / cuddles when he does it and he thought it was hilarious. He carried on hitting his head mind you as he thought it was so funny that mummy was being so funny about it but we'll give it a few days and see if he does it less.