Help!!! 8 yr old won't eat!

[oxford1]

I'm at the end of my tether and i just don't know what to do, my 8 year old is just so slow at everything. from school work to eating and just general instructions. the school says he's highly intelligent but is falling behind because it take him so long to do anything and at home we seem to spend our whole time waiting around for him - it can take him up to an hour or more to eat a meal which is my main concern as i worry about his health. but also our relationship is suffering so much. we've tried timers, rewards, negative impacts, smaller and smaller portions, but nothing seems to work, can anyone help???????

When your DS is doing things as you say slowly is their any particular behaviour that goes with it? Can you describe for example when he eats a meal are there distractions, does he look at the table, his food, does he talk when he has a meal etc, argue?

Poor you! It seems he's gaining a lot of control and attention by this behaviour, and that his behaviour is difficult in a number of areas.

Trying one thing after another could be fostering the behaviour you don't want, as he's actually getting continuing novel attention. So ImHO you need to decide now whatyou want family life and his behaviour to look like, and also - though rather harder - a single training/discipline approach to get there.

Food is a loaded subject, but you might be able to be rather more straightforward with an 8yr old than a younger child. I'd tell him that meals are eaten only at meal times, and that plates will stay on the table for (xx - choose time to suit your routines/attitudes), anything not eaten will be cleared (no fuss made), but no other food at all until next meal time.

Working on co-operation all round should also help mealtime co-operation.

He is getting an enormous amount of attention from it!! I agree with onimolap. Serve the meal, take it away without comment if not eaten,serv nothing before the next meal. Don't discuss, down get drawn in-just do it (explain first-once)

If a child is carrying out every task even at school so slowly that it's being noticed is this really attention seeking?

It will get him attention at school too. I expect that someone steps in and helps him.

Have you tried working with the school to find out if there are reasons for the slowness? Or your GP?

bingo :-)

Gosh, what a response! thank you all very much.

If i can answer a few of the points then i might get somewhere in my own mind too!

When he's eating etc he does like to talk/interact, he's a very social child but he has yet to grasp eating and talking together like we would, but also he just stares into space sometimes with food just sitting in his mouth, we never have the television on and always try to sit together. I've never allowed snacking, even as a toddler he had 3 meals a day & we are quite firm on this, but it doesn't seem to bother him at all. We also try to leave him at the table on his own once we have finished so it seems like he is missing out but i find this quite hard as i don't like to see him in his own.

your quite right in that he does have a helper at school so is this just attention seeking??? i worry so much as he is an only child and we both work full time, he goes to a child minder and several clubs so that he is around other children, but is this wrong???

i fully intend to go to the GP this week as it's got silly now, at last weeks sumer camp he started off with a 5 piece lunch & by the end of the week it had reduced to a sandwich as he just wasn't eating any of it and even then he came back with half!

Is he epileptic?

A friend of mine has a child who was falling behind at school because he 'wouldn;'t keep up' - turns out he was having around 10 absese seizures a day.

He sounds a bit like 'the absent minded professor'-perhaps he just lives more in his imagination. However it is a good idea to have him checked out.

Im glad you said that colditz as its the first thing I thought.

no need to panic op they sound like absent seizures but the best way to check is next time he's staring call his name note if theres a reponse - even just a blink.If not wave your hand across his face and check again. If there is no response it could be an absense and your gp will need this information.

Sorry if thats TMI overload but many children are just daydreamers but if not the correct medication daily could make things easier for both you ds!

My Gosh, could all our problems be caused by this?? i have just googled absence seizures and it sounds right, i will definitely be making an appointment with the doctor first thing! And even if its not at least our GP is aware and can hopefully help. Thank you!

could you perhaps film ds when he is like this? This would help the gp know what he/shes dealing with. It would help as well when he's absent/daydreaming to film you trying to get a response.

Please let us know how you get on so we can all support you whether its behaviour or medical.

Hi guys, thank you all so much for your support, i managed to get in with the GP this morning & he has referred us for psychological assessment with a recommendation for the EEG test for absence seizures!!! Could be a couple of months before we get to see someone but it has taken a huge weight of my mind for now, and i wouldn't have done it with out you all so thank you so much! i'd never even heard of absence seizures until yesterday! I think filming him perhaps in the time before we get a date is a great idea too x :)

glad your on the way to some answers. Sometimes just knowing theres light is helpful.