2 year old refusing to poo

[digitalgirl]

Anyone else experienced this? If it's been going on for 3 months is it more than just a phase?

When he can feel one coming he'll stamp his feet and shout nononono, cry, beg to be picked up, then if he can distract himself enough he'll manage to hold it in till the 'need' to go passes. Eventually (he goes every other day) he'll do it but not without a fight.

We've started him on lactulose to see if that helps, but it just seems to bring on the 'need' more frequently. He still fights it and hates pooing.

Was hoping he'd have got over it by now as it's beginning to dominate our lives. The last 24 hours leading up to each (ie every other day) he's in a foul mood and constantly throws tantrums. Refuses to eat (obviously) and we often don't leave the house as we're hoping he'll go before we got out.

Can anyone reassure me that it's nothing to worry about? Or should I be taking it more seriously and getting checked out by someone who specialises in such things?

Whats his diet like? Could he have hurt his bottom when having a large/hard poo?

When he's hungry (ie just after a poo) he eats a well balanced diet. Fruit, veg, pasta, meat. Will drink plenty too. But when he's not hungry (possibly because there's no room) he'll fill up on milk. He still has about 4-6 cups a day. I let him drink it as I just want to get liquids into him to ease the constipation.

It probably started with a constipated poo that hurt him, but now he'll go through the same drama even when the poo is soft. But i think holding it in makes it worse as more liquid is absorbed the longer it stays in the bowel - so a perfectly easy poo becomes a struggle.

Very interesting thread zapostrophe - it's this issue that is making me think we are a long way from potty training even though ds is pretty good at holding his wee during nappy off time.

He seems to be in such distress whenever hd thinks a poo is coming but I find that ignoring him is the only way to get him to focus on the process.

I'm rubbish at behaviour training and ds is pretty determined at sticking to his guns - so as the weeks have gone on he's become better at holding it in.

My daughter did this til she was around four. It was pretty hellish. She would hold on until poo was so huge that it hurt thus reinforcing the fear. Was on lactulose pretty much continually for 18 months. I found the whole thing incredibly stressful.

There is a book on Amazon called Everybody Poos www.amazon.co.uk/Everybody-Poos-Taro-Gomi/dp/1845072588/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1282423452&sr=1-1 that was recommended to me. Are other similar ones. Basically reinforces idea that it is a normal and necessary function.

Good luck. They will grow out of this.

Stickers, and lots of them.

My DD hated pooing. She too would hold on to it until we put her in a training pants at bed time.

In the end I said if you poo in the toilet then you will get 4 stickers!! And not ordinary ones, but really sparkly ones of her favourite character ... Toys r Us loved me then I think!! :D

I made it as much of a game as I could and kept as enthusiastic as possible. Two stickers for a successful wee and 4 for a poo. Then if she managed a whole week then a little toy as a reward.

Took a few goes to get her used to the idea, but it worked for us :)

sorry meant to say, say to him in a wonderous type voice, You know ds, even your mummy and daddy poo! Isnt that funny? (then add on who you like)

thanks mollychambers will order that book. 4 years old? Did your gp have any helpful suggestions?

dilly I'm not sure he understands stickers yet, he'll be 2 at the end of the month. I actually tried giving him a piece of chocolate after a poo in the hope that he'd associate doing it with getting a treat. But hasn't seemed to work so far.
We've all let him in the bathroom with us when we go to show how normal it is, but no effect.

Am finding this incredibly stressful, he's been doing the 'anti-poo' cry since 7am and is still refusing. He's due to go today and I'm thinking of not leaving the house until he does.

Btw am not potty training. He is refusing to go in his nappy and taking it off and sticking him on the toilet/potty doesn't work either - he seems scared of both.

He's obviously got brilliant control so when he's got over this psychological block am sure he'll take to potty training very well (hates being in dirty nappies). In no rush to do that though, just really hate him being so regularly distressed and in pain for such long periods of time.

Sometimes constp. is caused by wheat intolerance you could try giving ryvitas, whole rice instead this may improve the poo!!

GP/Health Visitor weren't really able to suggest anything other than medication to soften stools / bring on urge to go. What makes this really tricky to deal with is they have total control (up to the point where they can't hold any longer...). There really is nothing you can do to MAKE them do it. I found it extremely stressful at the time.

My advice would be to keep calm. Encourage. Don't nag and get cross. It's hard not to though when you know they're making themselves feel unwell. Make sure he drinks plenty of fluids - maybe less milk and more water/juice instead. Plenty of fruit - banana can be binding. Prune juice if he'll take it.

All of this will help soften but problem is he expects it to be sore and it will be if he persistently holds it in which then reinforces the fear and so it goes on.. [sigh].

My sympathies, we had this at the start of potty training, but seems to have calmed down a bit now (with huge huge bribes, and trying really hard not to make an issue of it). To start with though, dd held it in for so long that she was so constipated she was actually physically sick and then screaming in agony when she finally went. Grim. We're still not there by a long shot, but it's not quite that bad anymore.

A friend lent me a book called something like 'constipation, witholding and your child' written by a paediatrician with a speciality in this area. I would definitely recommend it.

Esssentially one of his points was that you can't begin to treat any psychological issues (eg fear of pooing), until any constipation is sorted. So your first action should be to find the right diet and medication if necessary to make it impossible for your ds to not poo every day. Once it doesn't hurt and is effortless, only then can you work on changing his mindset.

Restricting milk was also a major point, apparently the calcium helps cause constipation. Upping water/squash and anything fibrous was key. And medication if you need. Then, once he's pooing every day (more often than not), the other things you're doing, like chocolate, stickers, big huge whoops of praise when he poos etc, they might all start to actually help.

Good luck, I know how horribly stressful it is and what a huge impact this can have on your life. With the right diet and meds, you should be able to go a long way towards getting this sorted though.

Thank you all so so much for your suggestions.

I've ordered both books - the one for me and the one for him.

We're going to throw ourselves into this now, and start taking the whole thing really seriously. I think cutting down the milk is key - we'll just have to deal with the tantrums he'll inevitably throw when he's refused his precious liquid.

It's interesting to read that changing his mind set is something that will take months rather than weeks. I really thought this was a phase he'd grow out of, but I can see that we're going to have to help him.

Feel like I've been a really rubbish mum for ignoring this problem the past couple of months and hoping it would sort itself out (gp didn't seem worried when we mentioned it at the start of the summer). He's been throwing awful tantrums lately and it's clear that it's linked to his growing discomfort. Hopefully I can change this.

Good luck. I felt the same - that in hindsight I didn't take it seriously enough. I think though that while it is quite a common problem it is unusual for it become as big an issue as it did for my dd and seems to be for your ds. Usually it does sort itself out in a relatively short time - you weren't too know that wouldn't be the case with ds.

DD is absolutely fine now, btw, and there were no lasting ill effects.

Don't beat yourself up, it's incredibly common apparently, although I hadn't realised it either until dd had problems. Good luck, hope you can get it sorted soon.

You could try different milks so he still has something to drink at nights and good luck too.

I don't know if this has been mentioned, but if he has an anal fissure (little crack) as a result of hard poos then your doctor may be able to prescribe some local anaesthetic cream -to apply just before he has poo.

Do keep his poos very soft too.

Chatting to my neighbour - her 2-3 year old did this. Eventually (after about 6 months) - whilst pretty much locked in the loo and telling him they wouldn't leave until he went - she explained the digestion system to him. He realised that food went in, some gave him energy and the rest came out as poo and if he didn't poo there wuldn't be room for any more food and he'd have no energy and he'd have to go to bed because he would be poorly and he jumped off her lap, announced he was ready to poo and has been fine ever since. Your's might bea bit little to understand though.

He did have a little fissure a few months ago, but that's cleared up. good point though, I'll be sure to check it's not reopened.

He has had some awful pooing incidents in the past where he's been in a lot of pain. But they were a while ago and I stupidly didn't think he'd be scarred for life by them.

We're down to 2-3 cups of milk a day now, which is a massive improvement on his 5-6 cups. Still happy to give him a cup when he wakes up and a cup for bedtime. He'd got into the habit of asking for 2 sometimes 3 at bedtime.

Today was day 3 of no poo and I had a call from my mum (I'm at work) saying that he'd done a huge one in the toilet. I think the entire office cheered on my behalf! She reckons pinning him to the loo means he can't physically clench as much. I'm worried he's going to associate the toilet with enforced pooing.

Anyway, we're keeping on with the 2 x 5ml lactulose daily. Being vigilant with offering fruit, water and juice all day. The poos (when they've come) have been soft. Just need to keep this up for a few more weeks before I attempt to introduce a sticker chart...