please please tell me my four year old won't always be badly behaved

[GoldenGreen]

DS is 4.2 and has always been fine at nursery but harder to handle at home. I've read How to Talk and last year it really helped but he still has periods where is badly behaved (rough play with other kids, though never deliberate hitting or biting, thankfully), snatching toys, not allowing others to take turns, whinging, not listening).

He is sometimes shy around new people, which is fine and I don't try to jolly him out of it as I was shy as a child and know what it feels like. But once he warms up he is really rowdy and can be very overbearing and bossy, even with his best friend. He just doesn't seem to see how unpleasant this is for other children and he just won't listen when he is asked to stop.

I don't do the naughty step as I hate the idea, am firm but rarely shouty, never smack, but I do remove him from situations, take away priviliges, give him rewards, give positive attention.

I have just come back from a disastrous play date and realised he is the worst behaved child I know (bar one notable exception) and I am devastated and embarrassed.

I know I am focusing on the worst things, and there are loads of lovely things I can say about him so please don't think I am negative about him all the time, I'm really not. I love him to bits and we have some lovely times together sometimes. And yes there is a new baby in the house which will be a factor and he doesn't get the same amount of quality attention from me but all this started when he was 16 months old.

I need some reassurance please that others have gone through this and it gets better if I continue to be consistent about enforcing boundaries and disciplining etc. At the moment I just can't see the pleasant and cheerful child I know is in there somewhere. Or else give it to me straight and tell me it won't improve and I need to think about new strategies.

I wish I had a helpful word but my son went completely off the rails at 2 when his baby sister was born. He was a nightmare. I still have cringe making visions of him hitting his girl cousins after cornering them! I thought he would be better at school until the headmistress called me in to say he had tried to trip his teacher up when they were sitting cross legged on the floor
My DD by the way was never any trouble at all even as a teenager, and my Ds was a nightmare throughout his early years, wasting his schooling (and a very bright brain) completely.

I did try to get help, ed psychologist, child psychologist, social worker and they all said he was very bright and needed consistant parenting. We certainly tried to give him that and I am sure it was not lack of supervision etc from us - I have no idea why he was like it (tho my husband admitted he was a real brat at that age!)
The only advice I would give is to get some help as soon as possible with his behaviour as it wont get better. I did all the things you write about, and it didnt help, I did all the things advised and it didnt help. The only thing that had some impact was cutting out e numbers in the foods, but back then there were loads of additives, but anything is worth a try.

I am sure you will hear more positive stories than mine, so dont give up.

I really appreciate your reply , thank you. I will start by investigating a parenting course but like you I think I am doing the right things already. He is a very healthy eater but will be extra vigilant with food to ensure no additives. He also starts school next month so will see how that goes but nursery has always been fine...thank you again, I will take this seriously and get help!