I'm shocked - my little one told me a lie today :-(

[obsessivereader]

Hi all

My nearly 4 year old told me a lie today and I didn't really know how to handle it. I know it's a normal part of development etc but want to make her understand it's not ok.

Basically, she was tidying her toys away - a drawer full of plastic food and related objects, but she messes about so much, I said I was going upstairs to run the bath for her and her sister, but she'd better tidy up quick or she'd miss her bath. When she came upstairs, I asked her if she'd finished tidying up and she said she had. I went down a while later to get something, and most of it was still all over the floor. I shouted her back downstairs and she tidied it up in no time at all.

How do I explain to her that this isn't ok? I know she did it cos she didn't want to miss her bath, but I felt really shocked and disappointed.

Oh dear... this thread is not likely to go well.

You need to tone it down if one tiny fib leaves you shocked and disappointed. Just say to her not to fib.

I tell about a million fibs a day, how disappointed would my mum be with me?

Are you sure she was lying? Children can be excessively logical, so when she said she had finished tidying she might have meant exactly that - she was not doing any more tidying, not that all the tidying was finished.

There was a study in the news the other week that said something along the lines of lying being good for development.

I really wouldn't worry if I were you. Just tell her she shouldn't do it.

I never fib .

My teenagers lie out of principle.

Shocked and disappointed?
A huge over reaction

In the past week -

a SNAIL has bitten 3yr olds finger causing a huge cut.

7yr olds Dad played the trumpet in the garden in his underpants

and nobody did a giant poo in the bathroom and didn't flush it, it just appeared

Kids lie.

yes, don't worry at all. DS2 (who is 4.5) lies all the time, as long as you pick her up on it then there is no problem.

God my 2.9 year old is an accomplished liar when he wants to The stories he tells people

My DS was doing something on the laptop and
hid it when I came in I asked him if he was doing something he shouldn't be. He said no, it turned out he was writing me a lovely letter.

I felt so smug my lovely boy wouldn't lie to me. As I left the room I heard him say to DH, if I am going to lie about something it wont be something she can check.

kids lie, will add to giraffes list
last few days we have had

no-one opened the door and let the dog out when I had speciifically said not to

DD2 had eaten all the biscuits, when she had been sitting on my lap

a crocodile left the tap running because he was thirsty

my wool had been pulled out of my bag and turned into knots because 'there was a kitten in your bag and it was stuck'

I'd love to tell you that it's a fleeting phase, unfortunately my 7yo still tells the biggest whoppers

I've come to the conclusion that her life simply isn't interesting enough for her.

Apparantly it's a sign of intelligence ...based on this my dd is a child-genius!

We're working hard on it ...it's certainly a work in progress ..

They all do it.

I agree with what RunningOutOfIdeas said about their logic. My 3 year old does that. If I ask her if she has finished tidying and she says "yes" she means that she has finished but not necessarily that all the toys are away.

She told a nurse at the hospital today that she has ballet lessons whilst showing the nurse her ballet. DD has never had a ballet lesson in her life! She has learnt all the "ballet" she knows from the Peppa Pig episode where Peppa had a ballet lesson.

Ilythia I think you have great dcs! very imaginative.Mine don't lie much at all,but I do ask them to tell the truth while saying I won't be cross about the truth,but I will be cross about a lie,and MUMMY WILL ALWAYS FIND OUT.DD1 will sometimes start off with a lie and then quickly tell the truth.I keep to my word on this and so far that has helped,but I think some lying is inevitable-did you not lie to your mother ever?

Apparently when I was about 3 or 4 my friend and I were running round the house and knocked a plant over. Mum asked who had done it and we both said 'The monster did it.' Apparently we lasted about 5 minutes of giggling before shouting out 'We're the monster!'

Ho hum.

I always presume my children are fibbing. I'm far more shocked when they actually do something they've been asked to than when they swear blind they've been obedient but are in fact lying.

oh don't worry. I once told my mum i broke all the milk on my neighbours step. Mum my replaced, tided up and apologised when they came back. Neighbour very confused as she had done it on way out but couldn't stop to sort it out! Apparently i liked the drama of it all!

Totally agree with the logic, you didn't ask her if she had put all the tpys away did you?

Dd2 claims that she never, ever lies. It is indeed the dog who steals the last yoghurt from the fridge and draws on the sofa, and it's her older sister who poos in her pants and then gives them back to her and her older sister who wees in her bed.

Dd1 also brushes her hair daily in her bedroom. This is despite still looking like a scarecrow and not having a hair brush in her bedroom.

Grandma asked DD 3.5 who bit a hole in her new chair. "It was someone else" she said. Then she decided it was her brother, who is almost 21

Totally agree with giraffes and Ilythia.

I really can't wait to find the somebody else and nobody who live in our house. They are responsible for many misdemeanours.

I would absolutely love it if just once when I ask who has left the light on, not flushed the loo, left an empty packet in the fridge, not replaced the loo roll, broken something, given the dog cat food etc... one of my children actually said
"That was me mum, I'm sorry"

I think I'd probably collapse if it ever did happen but no they deny they were ever in the vicinity, they know nothing about it and they constantly point the finger of blame at each other.

It's a social skill

She's 3 and you told her to tidy up and she didn't and you're cross because she lied? Blimey. Good for her, you ought to think, that's she's developing a personality and social confidence that is resisting parental control....

My dd (4.11) is a very accomplished liar. She seems to do it not for personal gain but just to see if she can get away with it! My mum said she read/watched something recently which said that children who are good liars early (4-5 yrs) do better in life and have advanced social skills. They're probably more tactful too. Anyway, it's just an inevitable stage in their development. FWIW I told my dd she shouldn't have lied to me but should instead use her huge imagination to make up proper stories which I would write down for her if she liked.

weblink on lying

My 3 yr old is just starting to do this, however I don't think it's malicious reasons at this stage, well not for me it's not. It's the same sort of things as your DD, I just double check if it has been done and if it hasn't, I ask her to go back and finish and try to explain again what it was I asked her to do and that I'd like her to finish it. I try not to come down too hard on her yet. However if the lies escalate, then I may reconsider my position in due course. I do not like lying, however at such a young age and for the circumstances you describe I wouldn't worry too much just yet. But that's just my opinion