Anyone know a good book - not too technical but not too media-driven - about child psychology?

[MintyBadger]

I know Tania Byron is good but her book isn't the sort of thing I want.
I want a book that will tell me WHY my children do certain things. Really I'd like a bit of a training course in elementary child psychology. My ds is driving me mad at the moment, he's 7 and just lies all the bloody time and it's beginning to worry me. And dd is 9 and sulky, though I remember being like that and needing attention, so maybe that's it.
I feel like they get all the bloody attention I have, if both of these are a symptom of 'something' then I will frankly just have to get a third parent in to pick up the slack.

try margaret donaldson's children's minds

Am interested in this thread as I am looking for something to help me help DD combat nerves.

"The Science of Parenting" Margot Sunderland published by Dorling Kindersley is very good. Full of research evidence about why children eat/sleep/have tantrums/play/make friends etc the way they do at various ages and stages and what to do to ensure you are making the right parenting decisions appropriate for the child. It talks a lot about the brain chemicals produced by children, how these influence their behaviour and how your actions can modify their brain chemistry in the short and long term. This has the advantage of being biologically (scientifically) based and therefor not open to personal interpretation.

Like all DK books it is aimed at the general reader not an academic and is full of pictures and information boxes that add technical details if you want it. Each chapter has a summary of the main parenting points too.

I would say it is aimed mostly at preschool and primary school aged kids so your elder child may be getting beyond the age range it mostly deals with.

Sounds odd but teaching books are a good source of info about children's behaviour. Some just deal with what to do in a class to get kids to behave (e.g. "Getting the Buggers to Behave" horrible title) but others go into the reasons ("Maintaining Sanity in the Classroom" Rudo Druikers). The latter has 4 main reasons for poor behaviour; the need for revenge, attention, power or to display inadequacy and get you to do things for them. This is based on Adlerian psychological principles which have been the basis of parenting skills courses run in primary schools.

The problem with looking for psychological explanations for behaviour is that not all psychologists agree on the causes of the same sort of behaviour and have different methods for addressing the behaviour. Some aspects of psychology can be a soft science in that it is open to a great deal of personal interpretation.

Thanks, some brilliant leads here. That Margaret Donaldson one gets very good reviews and is cheap, so I've ordered that.

Not sure about the DK one. I don't like the style of their books, and as you say, I have older children and I am NOT going back to toddler tantrums any time soon! But I heard good reviews of it a few years ago and meant to get it at the time.

Top tip about teacher training books. Interested in the Maintaining Sanity one in particular. I like to understand the whys.

After a conversation with DH last night, it sort of clicked with me that all of this is probably because I've started working (self-employed) while they are at school and of course it has spilled over into the holidays a bit, so I go and hide away and do work a bit more often and the house is a tip. In my mind it is perfectly normal for both parents to work and I feel like I'm clawing back - finally - a bit of independence, which I desperately need. But screw feminism, eh? Why is it always the mother who has to modify her entire life and worry about the effects of her perfectly reasonable actions? I could just weep.

I really like "The Social Toddler".

Oops-missed the no toddler bit so my recommendation isn't very helpful.

Tavistock Clinic does a good set of books:
Understanding your six-seven year old
Understanding your eight- nine year old

They are quite slim books and don't particularly tell you what to do, but try to give you an insight into their development at that age. I remember being a nine year old girl and it wasn't easy.

Another one you'll always find people mentioning on MN, though I haven't read it myself is How to Talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk

ps. Don't weep!