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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dummies/Soothers - Avoiding use

23 replies

STORM01 · 18/08/2010 18:22

New mum to DD who is 10 weeks old.

I am not against dummies, however I am trying desperately to avoid using one if we can - so far we have succeeded. However DD puts the back of her hand in her mouth when she is hungry which we obviously solve by feeding her!

She is starting to do it a little more now when just generally awake - not even when she's tired so I spend most of my time removing her hand from her mouth.
She is generally a very content baby & self soothes to sleep & is not "needy" IMHO!

Obviously if this continues I will have to rethink as I can take a dummy off her but cant chop her hand off!

Has any one successfully avoided use of a dummy....any advice welcome.

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Flossbert · 18/08/2010 19:40

When you say "avoiding use of dummy," do I take it that you are including thumb-sucking in that? Beacause it sounds (if your baby is anything like mine) as if you might be headed towards thumb-suckery.

We avoided using a dummy (personally I would have given the baby one, but my husband was very anti, and I didn't feel it was worth falling out over) but as a result now have a 6mo thumb-sucker. It's not a problem (yet) and she now only does it when she's tired, whereas a few weeks ago when she had just learnt this new trick she was doing it all the time.

My advice would be to let her put her hand to her mouth - she's learning new sensations all the time and she's doing it because it feels nice. Unless you're very concerned about having a thumb-sucker, in which case, I guess, continue doing what you're doing.

Quattrocento · 18/08/2010 19:45

Well I had a dummy for DD to a welter of disapproving looks. So I succumbed to middle-class orthodoxy and refused to allow DS to have one. With the result that he sucked his thumb continuously and still does now at the age of 10. He will need quite a lot of orthodontic treatment.

Please do use a dummy if she so much as sticks a thumb in her mouth.

No but really, first time she sticks her thumb in her mouth just get a dummy and use it.

thisisyesterday · 18/08/2010 19:48

all babies suck/chew their hands. it's what they do.
i don't think it has any bearing at all on whether they use a dummy or not.

all 3 of mine have done it a lot. 2 had dummies, one doesn't

happygilmore · 18/08/2010 19:56

I think when they get to about that age they "find their hands" and chew them a lot, it's their way of exploring the world, isn't it? In a few weeks time no doubt everything will be going in their mouths! I wouldn't worry personally, my DD has started chewing her hands a bit before falling asleep, it seems a comfort so why not?

Original poster

STORM01 · 19/08/2010 21:50

Hi All...thanks for your opinions.

DD will def get a dummy if she starts sucking her thumb!

I had one (only at bed time) & it didnt do me any harm.....I think it's as Quattrocento said....Im feeling the peer pressure & really dont want the trauma of taking it off her later on.

Will see how we go

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lifeas3plus1 · 19/08/2010 22:02

I had a dummy, was off it by just over 2yrs old.

My brother never had a dummy and still sucks his thumb at 19yrs old.

He needs a lot of dental treatment but everyone is refusing to touch him until he stops sucking his thumb.

Mum and I have tried everything to get him to stop. He has got a lot better but no-where near stopping.

I would go for a dummy if you see the thumb going anywhere near her mouth.

benandoli · 20/08/2010 09:45

I have three children 8, 5 and 22 months. None of them have had dummies and none suck their thumbs. Not only do dummies damage teeth but worse still speech development can be really poor in children who have dummies, both production of speech sounds and also vocabulary, and then ultimately understanding. If you have a fretful baby use a dummy for both your sanities but avoid if you can.

CuppaTeaJanice · 20/08/2010 09:52

Dummies are always recommended for sleeping in the advisory leaflets for preventing cot death. I can't see that they would do much damage to development if just used for sleeping. It might be different if a child has one permanently lodged in their mouth, particularly as they enter toddlerhood.

SirBoobAlot · 20/08/2010 11:21

DS has a dummy and I would much rather he had that then sucked his thumb or hands. He has it when he is tired, and at the moment to chew on whilst he is teething to save my nipples.

This stuff about them effecting speech development is rubbish, unless they have it in all the time and until they are a couple of years old.

Roo83 · 20/08/2010 11:41

Ds had a dummy for a few weeks, but kept spitting it out to suck/chew his hand or cry instead!! In the end I just took it away...on a few occasions he sucked his thumb but not on a regular basis...he used to chew and suck hands, toys, etc.when awake, but not really as a comfort. At the end of the day I think some just need sucking comfort more than others, if they need to suck they will find hand/thumb to use if a dummy isnt available

moonbells · 20/08/2010 12:54

I wasn't going to use one at all, yet inside 2 weeks after birth I gave in as DS was a colicky baby and for the first three months of his life he'd scream pretty much every evening between 7 and 9. The dummy helped a lot.

Course now we can't get him to stop wanting one, though for ages now it's been at bedtime only (and then removed once asleep!) even though he's a toddler now.

He doesn't suck his thumb or anything during the day, thank goodness.

If you've got to 10 weeks with your DD then I think you've won that one...

otchayaniye · 20/08/2010 14:22

Haven't used a dummy here. I just bfed all the time/in a wrap/co-slept until 21 months

I did try a dummy at around the 6 month mark because I was getting ragged, but I was half hearted, as I hate the look of them, and she didn't go for it.

Before you say 'rod for your back' she took to her own toddler bed, not being bfed to sleep and sleeps through all in a matter of 2 days.

otchayaniye · 20/08/2010 14:23

Oh, regarding thumb sucking, she did it for a week and stopped. Just sucked me instead! Every few hours for 21 months (still bfed but just not on demand anymore. phew)

Shugaplum · 20/08/2010 15:57

If you're not against dummies why are you so desperately trying to avoid using one?!

It is a very middle class thing to be anti dummies - often simply because it's seen as a "lower" class thing to use them. I agree that they could affect speech if the DC had one in all the time so they didn't speak but going to sleep with one will not affect speech. It's also recommended to help prevent cot death.

I have to be honest, i wasn't keen on using them until the cranial osteopath I went to see said that some children have a real need to suck and to not let them do it just for appearances sake is a bit cruel. They are called soothers for a reason! He said that there is some research that non-nutritive sucking actually helps brain development. I don't know what research he was referring to in case people ask me to produce it! I think it was something to do with reducing stress levels.

Myneaux · 20/08/2010 16:01

I used a dummy with my DS....dont know how I would have got through the first few months without it to be honest.

At 5 months it started causing us problems with sleep. DS would wake up and couldnt go back to sleep without it but couldnt find it himself.

In the end we decided to get rid of the dummy and it only took a couple of days before he forgot all about it.

Just because you use a dummy it doesnt have to be forever !

Latootle · 20/08/2010 22:52

my grandson wouldn't give up his night time dummy still at 5, soooo one day my daughter said there are many many babies who needed dummies so it would be a good idea to give them yours. very derisive look from said child but, they were parceled up in pretty bag and hung on the tree for the stork to collect and guess what there was a small present from stork in their place. and never another request for his dum dum.!!!!! so dont worry about it. still has cuddly tho'

MoonFaceMama · 21/08/2010 20:28

As some others have said my ds, now 6m, went through a short phase of sucking his hands and thumb but is long over it now. Am very glad i ignored suggestions to give him a dummy. Yes it's true you can take it away, but it may not be easy (i remember from being little )

pigleychez · 21/08/2010 21:45

Neither of mine have had dummys and havent sucked their thimbs either.

With DD1 there were times when I was tempted to give in but im glad we didnt.

I do agree with the speech development and dummys though. DD1's speech is very good and has been vocal from early on. Shes just turned 2. Her cousin the same age had a dummy in 24/7 and hardly says a word.
DD2 is 12 weeks and making plenty of sounds too.

At that age they explore with thier mouths so everything will go in and she is just discovering her hands and that she can control them.
Once she gets interested in toys im sure they will replace her hands.
Could you encourage a toy or something to suck on instead?

AngelHMum · 21/08/2010 22:43

My eldest three all had dummies as babies and we successfully gave them up by pre-school age.

With my fourth I was prepared to let her have one too. However she point blank refused them - just wouldn't entertain the idea and immediately spat them out.

She doesn't suck her thumb and she also, unlike her brothers and sister hasn't formed any strong attachment to a particular toy or comforter. She will have any teddy or toy close to hand.

Life with her is a lot easier - no panics about where the precious item is or playing hunt the dummy for bedtime.

They are all different and if your little one is happy without a dummmy then I'd say go with the flow. Mine surprised me but it is lovely to have such an easy going child for once.

fledtoscotland · 22/08/2010 22:27

I have used dummies with both my boys. DS2 was breast-fed and we waited until about 3 weeks before giving him one so as to avoid nipple-confusion but he was/is a very suckey baby.

As far as the speech delay as benandoli suggests - DS2 (22months) refuses to leave the house without at least three dummies (he prefers a selection although isn't always sucking them) and chatters away in sentences to anyone and everyone

iamkirsty · 23/08/2010 20:42

I started sucking my thumb at 3 years old when I saw another child doing it. I'd never shown any signs of wanting to suck my thumb and didn't have a dummy.
Still suck my thumb at 20! Only really do it when I'm tired or bored, doesn't bother me in the slightest. Not had any problems with my teeth or anything either.
It's up to you if you want to use a dummy, but if your DD wants to suck her thumb, don't feel like it's the end of the world!

Original poster

STORM01 · 24/08/2010 22:32

Wow....thanks everyone....only just caught up.
It's great to hear everyones opinions & experiences.

OP posts:

SigningMum1 · 25/08/2010 17:18

I, like you, was dead set against dummy use. However, a cautionary tail follows:

I used a dummy with my DS until he was about 4 months, he is now almost 4. He then sucked his finger and we're trying to stop this now! We went to the dentist about a year ago and he said that he needed to stop sucking as it wouldn't only ruin his teeth, it could also stop his jaw from growing properly because of the angle of his finger. I now have to put socks on his hands at night to aviod this problem. We went back to the dentist about 2 weeks ago and he's very happy with his progress.

I also used a dummy on my DD until she was about 9 months. She also showed signs of wanting to suck a finger/thumb. I didn't want this happening again, so stopped the dummy a bit later. No finger/thumb sucking yippeee :), although watch this space

I don't see a problem with dummies. If a child is happy to use it and it stops them from being upset, use it!

Yes it's a pain in the bum that you have to get up in the night to put the dummy in, some nights more than other. But for me this was a short term hassle for a long term goal!

There are also reports that it reduces the possibility of SIDS!

Good luck

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