2 yr old family member behaving inappropriately around my 6 month old DS. What to do?

[Haleana]

This is a bit complicated so I will try and be clear...

My MIL's sister's husband has grown up children from another marriage. One of his sons had three children with a girl but they both have serious drug/alcohol/anger problems. The children are one, two and a half and four years old and all seem to have serious issues due to witnessing God only knows at home. As a result of this, SS have allowed for the two older children to be looked after by my MIL's sister and her husband (their Grandad) pretty much every weekend. Because of this, we see them quite frequently with the two children. (Two year old boy and four year old girl).

A few weeks ago we were all visiting my husbands grandparents (MIL's mum) and the boy was there. In less than 30 mins we witness him kick my husbands Nana in the leg (she was asking him to drink his cocoa) and call her a c*t. Before telling her to fk off. His guardian (MIL's sister) just sat and laughed and said "that's nothing, you should hear what else he says". He then sat in the middle of the kitchen telling us to fk off and f*k you.

A few weeks after that we left our 6 month old DS with my MIL for a day for the first time. Naturally we were already nervous about this. It didn't help when we arrived as saw her sister and the boy were there. The kids have taken a fancy to my DS which is mostly quite sweet to watch when the boy is not being abusive. This day he gave my DS a kiss. It was sweet as he was gentle and was stroking his hair. Then things got weird. He started to stroke a little to familiarly then starting putting his tongue in my DS' mouth. I stopped him and said firmly that 'that is not the way you kiss people, a peck on the cheek is fine'. His guardian just rolled her eyes and said "Alright he gets the picture - you like him".

Now I am terrified of this boy being anywhere near my DS. I'm in a pickle because half of me wants to tell him off and teach him right from wrong (as nobody else does), and the other wants me to adopt him, give him a cuddle and provide him with a loving home. I know that my MIL's sister cares for him but after I asked her how she could let him get away with all of this, she said that she's tried disciplining him when he's with her, but then he goes back to his parents and comes back three times worse. Apparently Social Services have been useless at monitoring them as they are still abusing drugs and being arrested every other weekend for fighting each other in the streets and causing disturbances. Apparently only last week the father was feeding lager to the boy and telling him he wasn't a man!

I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place here. My main priority is the safety and well-being of my DS so I don't want them to have much contact, especially as they grow up and he becomes more influential. On the other hand I want to help the other boy too.

Sad situation.

I don't understand how your MIL's sister will make your life hell and it affect your son. It's your MIL's sister, how much exposure to your six month old could she possibly have?

This is a classic symptom of sexual abuse, quite apart from the physical issues you already know about. You need to refer this, and you need to do it now. Some woman you're not even related to "making your life hell" is no excuse to consign little children to this life.

Re-reading all these messages and I realise that you are right. I do need a push in the right direction, and I realise that the right direction is to make the call.

I did not mean to sound selfish by saying life would be made difficult for us, you have to understand that I'm trying to protect my family too.

I think I may call the NSPCC and ask them to help me with this.

Thanks for all of your help.

Wish me luck!

To be brutally honest, it doesn't sound like your MIL's sister / MIL (sorry, lost track of who exactly) is looking after these children brilliantly. And their parents are obviously totally incapable of caring for them. These poor children need help. Please do call SS as a matter of urgency.

Just tried to fill in the form offered above with the NSPCC and although it offers for you to be able to submit it anonymously, if you don't put your name in it won't submit!! I can't call them now because my husband's around and he would NOT be happy if I got involved in this.

Can't believe it. Was just making the final step only for it to be pulled from under me.

Shit.

tortoiseonthehalfshell

MIL's sister is round hers several times a week and is present almost every time we visit either the in-laws or hubby's grandparents. She is a very feisty character and my MIL is very easily influenced by her. Unfortunately, the rest of the family are all very easily influenced by my MIL so this could easily lead to my hubby's entire family turning against us. This wouldn't be so bad if they all lived far away but we all live within walking distance from each other, including his two brothers who are both mummy's boys and wouldn't even consider our side of the story. My hubby is the 'quiet life' type so does not want to be involved in this (please do not judge him for this) and losing his family would destroy him and put a strain on our relationship if I was the one who caused it. This in turn would not be good for our son.

So, can you see my predicament. I want to do something for these children desperately, and I will. But I don't know how I'm going to do it without causing a terrible rift in this family.

You have to report this. What you describe about the kissing and feeding the beer and saying he " not a man" is exremely serious. You have to contact ss to tell them what is going on here.

Can you not just put in a made up name? Anne Onimous perhaps?

Oh come on! You know these kids are in trouble. They are with adults who are actively harming them or failing to protect them. Is a harmonious relationship with that kind of spineless, corrupt people really more important to you? Make up a name, put in the form. It's two weks since you posted this. You know things are bad - now do something!

have you any update OP?

just do the form and use a different (but sensible) name.

EMMA WHITE is my 'old' name - use that if you like. I cant understand why you havent just done it!

Those poor children, and every adult around them is abusing them, by doing, and by standing by. poor kids

Any update on this, OP?

Just put some made up name or email them directly instead of filling out a form- i have done that for advice before.

If you don't report this then yes, you will avoid a rift in the family, but then you are an accessory to abuse.

So much family abuse is brushed under the carpet by families, thus leaving a terrible legacy for some poor child who grows into a terribly abused adult.

I know someone who was abused by her brother for years, her mother knew, but did nothing.

I cannot tell you the mental scars on this poor woman, and the fact she still has to see her abuser day after day. No one should have to go through that.

Once she got drunk and attacked her mother and broke her nose, if you don't do something you have colluded about the ruin of a life. I can see from your posts that you realise this, "not upsetting the family" is a crap excuse for letting someone be abused and have their life ruined. And it is this attitude of course, that means abuse continues.

I hope you manage to report this and your husband comes to understand that sometimes you have to upset people, especially if those people are actually criminals and belong in jail.

If that were me I could not sleep at night for worrying what those children are going through. I would not have let it go with the MIL's sister either about the negligence and I certainly wouldn't have left my own baby with people who think that all this is ok. You obviously know how wrong it is or you would not have posted it. If something happened (or is happening) to those kids every single adult that knew about it or even suspected and did nothing would have it on their conscience and is as guilty. I hope you do do something, I am not trying to be harsh I just don't understand it and your husband wanting the 'quiet life' is not an excuse at all and if you doing the right thing by children in such bad circumstances upsets him then forgive me for wondering but what kind of person is that? and what kind of people let children be mistreated for fear of causing a rift with relatives who are as guilty as the abusers for sweeping it under the carpet.

Poor kids, what hope is there for them, they don't seem to be getting any correct guidance from their Guardian. You certainly want to protect your baby from any possible risk, so proabably need to speak to someone.