mother-toddler relationship too close?

[gigismummy]

After reading lots of parenting books when pregnant I decided not to let my baby cry and to be conscious of having a close relationship with her.

Now two and a half years on she simply hates being off my lap, her favourite game is climb on mummy and she rarely plays more than a couple of meters from me. Doesn't run off (which is the bit I'm not complaining about) and wants mummy to do everything. I really hate it. She was a crying insecure-seeming baby whom we couldn't put down for months and was carried in the sling a lot; breastfed; when she got older I couldn't leave the room for 5 minutes without hysterics.

she is fine at nursery and is fine with other people now, but when we are at home she only wants mummy to put her to bed, mummy to do this and that etc. I have another baby now and feel the pressure, not to mention jealousy. Will this intensity towards mummy give her developmental issues, or affect her adversley when older? I know they say the closer the bond the better, but can it be too close?

I honestly think it's mostly down to the child's personality rather than what the parent does that makes them clingy or not.
Soon as he could move, DC1 always legged it without looking back; I lived in envy of people who could sit still for a few minutes with their babies/small child in their laps.

2 DC are velcro-children... but not DC4 who legs it and looks back as if to say "So when are you coming?!"

I thought I had heard it all on these revered pages, but your 'insecure- seeming' baby really does take the biccie.
Relax and enjoy this time, it won't last long.
The child obviously has a healthy doze of confidence as 'is fine at nursery and is fine with other people'.
This stage when Mum is the be all end all will end soon enough.

My DS is exactly the opposite - he loves being independent and will not sit on my lap for more than a few seconds - apart from when I'm reading to him.

I long for some time when he actually wants/asks for me so enjoy it while it lasts!

Enjoy it!? Clearly previous posts speak from no experience of clingy children.

Rollmops, what a horribly unsympathetic post your was in particular. If you are lucky enough to have children that have never stressed you then you are quite unusual I suggest. People post for support, not to be dismissed by someone who clearly has no idea how stressful a demanding child can be. It can be unremittingly exhausting.

Op, my DS1 was/is the same. He is 5 now and it eased in stages ie pre-school helped (he was likewise always happy to go), school likewise, but also, gradually he seemed to learn that playing on his own or with his younger sibling was actually ok! He can play/pass time without me now but it was gradual. But once your younger child is old enough to be of interest to DD1 then that will really help, hopefully. Good luck.

No useful advice from me but I do understand a little, DS (2yrs) seems incapble of entertaining himself for 2 seconds when we are at home and its really frustrating sometimes cos the fairies seem to have lost my address and someone has to do the cooking / cleaning etc (and I'm definately not a clean freak I promise you, sometimes it would be nice not have to leave everything house related to the evenings). Plus we are TTC#2 and I'm a bit wary of how things will be when my attention has to be on 2 kidlets.

I think it might be personality more than any of your parenting techniques but the fact that she is okay with nursery seems to indicate it wont be so much of a problem as she gets older.

I'd definately make sure you have regular time for yourself (couple of hours on the weekend etc) so you dont get overwhelmed and resentful of your little cling-on (meant in the nicest possible way!). I find if I focus on things like this then it really gets me stressed out, have you ever tried Rescue Remedy? Its a homeopathic remedy that helps keep you calm / balanced, might just take the edge off for you until she, hopefully, gains a little more independence.

my dd was a bit like this + very shy in new situations

thought it was my parenting til i had ds, who is v v different

some of this is probably down to there being a new baby too

can't say what the impact will be later, my dd is only 3 but she is growing out of her mega clinginess gradually

i try to be patient with her, it can be v annoying, you have my sympathies, but i am sure they will grow out of it

in short, not your fault

DS is the same. He's 2.10 now and still very much a mummy's boy. He wants me to put him to bed every night (though he's OK with DP in the end) and is not very good at playing by himself. He wants to "help" me with everything which drives me mad!

But, like your DD, he doesn't run off and if I need him to do something, like brush his teeth, I just go and wait in the bathroom and he follows me before too long so it has its advantages.

I don't know what to suggest really. DS is getting better as he gets older. I can reason with him to an extent now and say "I need to do xyz by myself. When I'm finished, I'll play with you". And there's always Cbeebies...

thank you all so much for your advice. It really does help as I've been feeling pretty worried about it to be honest. :)