10 year old with no self esteem

[Mowgli1970]

My daughter has written a list of her "qualities" including : loser, wimp, cry baby, unloved girl, quitter, weirdo, ugly, stupid. I'm crying typing this. Has anyone any experience of seeking professional help for someone who clearly has no self esteem? I've talked to her and she says she feels this way most of the time. How can I help her?

Has she always been like this. I ask because DD was very much like this at the onset of puberty but got over it when things settled down.

I would speak to your GP if she doesn't feel better soon.

She's always suffered from lack of confidence and says she feels as though she doesn't fit in. The trouble is I don't know when to seek help, if it is puberty, and what sort of help?

Don't be apprehensive about seeking help. You can go to your GP and ask for a referral to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services). DS had anxiety/self-esteem issues related to his ASD and he received psychotherapy there. They see all sorts of children, from those with quite severe MH disorders to those who need short-term support after bereavement. They may also offer therapies like art therapy or CBT depending on your area.

What major life events may have contributed to her feeling like this - death of a friend / family member, parents breaking up, older siblings leaving, bullying at school, illness / hospital treatment?

Focus on her good qualities. Tell her you love her and how happy she makes you. Do things where you can both enjoy each others company.

Are you happy? Is she sensing unhappiness in you and thinking 'it must be my fault, if only I was better / cleverer / not so much trouble...'

Don't be afraid to ask for help / family counselling.