4.5 yr old son eating dramas - an hour to eat a plate of pasta pesto - HELP!

[mamatilly]

DS 4.5 driving us all crazy - so much fussing with food - takes forever, goes to loo, we have all finished eating and he is there, plate nearly full, looking glum. except when plate is full of baked beans or chocolate cake. Driving us esp DH crazy.

What to do??? sprinkle some sanity plse.

Ignore

Ignore

Ignore

Ask him to go to loo before dinner, give him smaller portions so it's easier for him to eat it and then reward with fruit/ yogurt. Once sat down don't let him keep getting up if he does keep getting up and down or hasn't eaten it within an hour then dinner goes in the bin and he goes without til breakfast.

He will eventually grow out of it, the more fuss you make the bigger an issue it becomes. Your job is to provide his meals you can't make him eat them as fustrating as it is.

I would also make sure he is only getting 3 meals a day and don't let him fill up on drinks either.

Hth

DD used to do this, except when really hungry when she would yomp the food in 10 seconds flat.

I now take the view if it's not eaten in 20 mins she isn't that hungry and I clear away. There is no pudding, so she can't hold out for that.

I have noticed that she is always ravenous at breakfast and pretty hungry at lunch, but in the evening, unless she has been outside, her appetite is really quite small.

Going to the loo, asking for a drink, "thinking" are all standard delaying tactics and once they start it pretty much means they are not hungry enough any more, so I don't force the issue.

Or you can eat off their plate after you finish yours, that generally makes them so resentful, they start eating up.

I was a terribly fussy eater basically because it was the only time I got to control the entire family.

Here are some tactics that may work:

1. Make sure has gone to loo before meal.

1. Put food in front of child, put on timer for, say, 30 minutes. Explain that if main course not eaten by the time timer goes off, no pudding.

1. When timer goes off take food away (do not throw out)

1. Mealtime is finished. End of. No negotiations, no arguments. That's it.

1. When child comes crying saying hungry, present with unfinished food - until next mealtime.

Don't enter into any arguments, do speak calmly. Do explain it all in advance. Do keep it up for at least a week.

If you're having trouble introducing new foods, explain that child only has to try them, not finish plate, but he does have to try it.

It will work if you keep it up, but the boy will try EVERYTHING to make it not work, including looking really really hungry but as long he's having plenty of fluids, he'll be fine.

Give him less time to eat. If he is sitting there for an hour to eat a small plate of food it is about control imo.

Oh God! I am so glad you have posted this as I am at the end of my tether with DS1 (first time I've typed that!) who has just turned 4.

Similar situation other than he will not eat anything. Even though I know he is hungry. Thankfully he knows better than to leave the table, but he will hold food and drinks (!)in his mouth for ages. It has got to the point where we are having to feed him, otherwise he will quite happily not eat anything for weeks. This takes at least half and hour if not longer and makes meal times a war zone.

Hope you don't mind me piggybacking on your thread Mamatilly. The advice will help us both - fingers crossed.

Oh lots of x-posts. Will read once bath and bed time are done.

Definately go for smaller portions. To be honest our family evening meals often last an hour anyway as we chat and catch up from the day. It is nice to sit together.

Most kids only eat if they are hungry - not for pleasure - so you need to time their meals to co-incide with a hungry period. ie no snacks for a good while leading up to it.

Agree - give 5 minute meal warning and get him to go to the loo before sitting down.

Then ignore - eat your dinner and have pleasant chat. Give an extra 5 mins or so - then clear away.

Give him five bits of pasta.
He can have more if he needs it.
And no snacks at all before dinner.
Also, why not just leave him to it? Yes it's nice to eat together but it's not essential that you do it all the time. Just bugger off with a glass of wine and he'll soon give it up.

thanks for all your postings, am liking smaller portions,
ignoring at all costs,
loo before dinner,
and just clearing away quietly.

plus of course, taking off with a glass of wine!

DS did ask for pasta pesto so i assumed he would eat it!!!

what foods do your small children actually eat?

and how hot on table manners are you
eg napkins, elbows on table, sitting up properly etc...etc !!!

Foods I give mine (and mindee's as I'm a cm).......(in order of their fav's)

pizza and salad
jacket potato, beans and salad
fishfingers waffles and veg
chicken kievs and chips and pea's
pasta with sweetcorn and tuna mayo
chicken salad
Roast dinner

I don't bother with napkins I just give them a wipe to clean themselves with afterwards. I don't mind if they have their elbows on the table but I don't like it if they lean their face on their elbow while eating. I do ask them to sit up properly and ask them to use their cutlery and not to drop it on the floor or spit it and throw it (thankfully the last two requests are not so much of an issue lately but I have had mindee's in the past who have done this in the past).

i would serve dinner. make NO comment. no coaxing, no cajoling. nothing.

at the end of dinner (ie, when everyone else has finished, and he has had a reasonable time to eat) the plates get cleared.

done.

no fuss, no bother. if he's hungry he'll learn to eat when given his food

mine love pasta and pesto. if he has eaten it before it isn't an issue IMO

I don't think it is helpful to look at what other children like to eat. Two of my DCs favourite foods at the moment are pasta pesto and spinach risotto.

DD fusses over anything minced beef or lamb and DS doesn't like sausages, yet I bet these are favourites with plenty of mners children.

Anything can be an acquired taste depending on what you are brought up on.

Is anyone having the same problems with older kids? My DD is 7, nearly 8 and can take an hour to eat her dinner. She's like it at breakfast too, which isn't much fun as she struggles to wake in the morning for school anyway, let alone taking 40 minutes to eat breakfast!! I'm at my wits end - I just feel like a shouty, nagging Mum all the time!!!

Please help!!!

• I will try the ignoring and speaking calmly!! Is it best to set a time limit with a clock or just to clear away after everyone else has finished? We tried clearing away when we'd finished once but I ended up eating really slowly to give her chance to eat!!

I'd also add, don't use the pudding as a bribe. Either give it or don't, but don't make it a condition - i.e eat your dinner or no pudding - arguably, if they aren't actually hungry, then they will potentially overfeed themselves in order to get the pudding. It also makes the sweet bit far too important.
If DD starts fussing and getting down I tell her if she gets down again mealtime is over, if she wants her food she needs to sit and eat if and if not, it can go in the bin.
I also always offer exactly the same snack if she complains of being hungry later - an oatcake and maybe a couple of dried apricots if I'm feeling generous. I know then that she really is hungry as its a pretty dull snack!
I also have a DSD who has been really fussy and employed the full range of delaying tactics - toilets/extra drinks etc and the best thing is to not make a fuss or to enter into battles over it. Simply make the meal, offer some choices (peas or beans?) allow a reasonable time to eat then clear it away and I would throw away uneaten food. If they are hungry later either tough it out or offer something very unrewarding but filling.
DSD is in her teens now and is much braver in trying new foods and makes no fuss at all at dnnertimes - she still eats a more limited diet than her brother but is fit and healthy.