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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Should I be cross ...?

21 replies

roisin · 27/08/2005 20:10

.. just because they think they're doing something naughty?

DSs (6 and 8) are currently continually 'up to something' and generally think they're doing something naughty. Sometimes they are (and I get cross) but often I don't mind what they are doing. Should I tell them off simply because they are trying to wind me up?

For example today they have got the spade out and dug a hole in the garden - I've no problem with that.
Ds1 at some point got the bicarb of soda and vinegar out - presumably for some sort of experiment. He made quite a mess (in the garden) but my only objection is he didn't put it away.
Ds2 (I think) got some black and white paint out and made a bit of a mess in the garden on the path by the side of the house. It's a mess out there anyway; I'm not sure what he was up to but I don't really want to make a fuss about it.
They've also tied a load of string round the garden and on the plum tree - some kind of scheme to pick plums I think!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Yorkiegirl · 27/08/2005 20:12

Message withdrawn

waterfalls · 27/08/2005 20:12

You sound like you have a lot of patience, wanna take my DS for a week, he is being a right rat bag this week

Satine · 27/08/2005 20:13

I think I'd hold out until they do something you really don't want them to do and then let loose. If you're always on their backs, they won't listen after a while (the start of a process that eventually all men perfect) and they'll just hear "Blah blah blah"!

Twiglett · 27/08/2005 20:16

How do you know they're doing it to piss you off and not just to have fun though?

I'd just make them tidy up afterwards and if they refuse to get cross at that.

I'd also probably join in with the whole bicarb and vinegar thing .. love that

Original poster

roisin · 27/08/2005 20:22

Twig: Water and alka-seltzer works best = rocket fuel!

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Original poster

roisin · 27/08/2005 20:23

They are definitely having fun, but they don't seem to be able to judge accurately what is very wrong and will drive me bonkers and what's acceptable (if messy).

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Original poster

roisin · 27/08/2005 20:23

YG - which Horowitz book? I bought Raven's Gate, but haven't opened it yet.
DS1 read quite a few of the Alex Rider books this summer, but didn't like two of the earlier ones?! He didn't like Point Blanc or Skeleton Key.

I just bought the new Malorie Blackman book - have you read those?

OP posts:

Yorkiegirl · 27/08/2005 20:24

Message withdrawn

Hattie05 · 27/08/2005 20:26

awww they sound like fantastic little scientists!!

I know what you mean about should you be cross. My dd does similar, she gets up to what she thinks is mischief and then gives me her grin (which means she has done something naughty). I think this is because she finds it funny to see me get cross. So i just say thats ok dd Mummy doesn't mind you doing that it looks like you have had fun.

WideWebWitch · 27/08/2005 20:39

Well in my book if children are happy and getting on with something fun and not actually doing anythng dangerous or life threatening then I let them get on with it. For example dd (20 months) was wandering around today with a bottle of bubbles. She can't blow them and wouldn't let me or ds do it but wanted to hold them and dribble them all over the house. I let her because a. I don't care about bubble mix on kitchen or dining room floor, both wipeable b. if she drinks it she'll soon discover it's disgusting and/or makes her sick and won't do it again c. she might have actually learnt how to blow bubbles (she did, sort of, by putting the stick practically in her mouth and blowing bubbles out of her mouth!) and d. She was happy! So I wouldn't have been cross with your boys today, not at all. I would get cross about my mobile or house phone, computer or my (Prada) glasses being broken but other than that, if things get messed up/damaged it doesn't bother me. It sounds like they had a lovely time!

WideWebWitch · 27/08/2005 20:42

Ah, just realised they thought they were doing something naughty, sorry, I was completely missing the point wasn't I? Well, it depends on whether you think they'll up the stakes to actually make you cross! If so, then I think I'd have pretended to be mildly cross just so they didn't up the stakes and start setting fire to things or something.

JoolsToo · 27/08/2005 20:45

look - they've just been on a garden adventure - what do you expect?

nooka · 27/08/2005 21:17

You might want to tell them why what they have done is not a problem, and what would be a problem - ie paint on that path is OK, but if it was (for example) on the sitting room floor you would be very angry because you would have to buy a new carpet (or that's OK in our garden, but don't do it a grannies etc). I think it's important that they don't get used to doing things that could be a problem elsewhere, as if you then get angry they might get confused. My two are coming up 5 and 6 1/2, so a little younger, but I do find that they get upset if I don't seem consistent to them.

Janh · 27/08/2005 21:26

I've always had problems with consistency too...

What if you're not great though? And does it apply to dealings with small boys?

I think a little inconsistency doesn't hurt - they will come up against it often enough in their lives - I don't think my kids have been seriously scarred by mine. It's difficult (and perversely amusing) when they do something they haven't been specifically told not to do...

roisin, I think pretending to be cross when you really aren't is as difficult for them to deal with as pretending not to be when you really are - even if they are trying to annoy you, they can tell if you're putting it on. I think you have to try to be honest, even if you do risk www's escalation!

turquoise · 27/08/2005 21:33

No - if you're not cross, why make out you are? Surely it would only devalue your reaction when they're really out of order.
If they think they're 'getting away with something' - then you can always say in future "i'm reasonable, I was ok about the holes in the garden etc - but this crosses the line" when they really do piss you off.

Original poster

roisin · 27/08/2005 21:37

Thanks all; I will have a little chat with them tomorrow and make it clear that I do know what they got up to, and that it was OK by me and within reasonable boundaries.

They are pretty good at adapting the rules ... we stayed with my bro and sil in their new house earlier this week: it's fab, huge, gorgeous, immaculate, beautiful, etc. ... And the boys were really tidy and careful and not at all messy ... though if truth be told slightly bored.

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Original poster

roisin · 27/08/2005 21:39

Oh I like that "I'm reasonable" line turquoise:
I will store that one up for next time they use a catapult to throw tomatoes at my front door

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Wallace · 27/08/2005 21:49

My ds would get on really well with your sons

Janh · 27/08/2005 21:50

I think your boys are brill, roisin

Miaou · 27/08/2005 21:59

roisin, do you think this may be an extension of the dennis the menace behaviour last week - ie kind of role playing? Therefore perhaps they are expecting that you will take on the role of dennis's mother and blow your stack. If that is the case, then in effect you are not playing the game because you are being fairly laid back. In which case, they will probably tire of it fairly soon.

I speak from experience....

..... only I was minnie the minx....

Original poster

roisin · 27/08/2005 22:14

Oh yes absolutely Miaou.

The thing is I quite like it when they are secretly plotting against me, as usually its mostly harmless and they tend to "get on with it" and leave me in peace.

The alternative to plotting together seems to be squabbling, arguing, and fighting - which requires much more input from me!

And can I just say when I read the Beano as a child (occasionally) I didn't like it as I couldn't identify with any of the characters
... polish my halo

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