At what age did you say "shhhh mummy's talking"

[mammanl]

Hi

I went on a family visit recently and was talking to a friend of the family when one of my 2.5 year olds started to talk to me. I intended to temporarily divert my attention to the little one (who after all has only just learnt to talk) when my aunt intervened and went "shhhhhhhhhhhhh". Just wondering at what age you started to say to your little one(s) "quiet now, mummy is talking.... ?" Two and a half seems a bit young to me.

Hi there

We waited till about 3 1/2 and taught dd1 that it is polite to say excuse me if she wants to interrupt. If I am in the middle of a conversation, I hold her hand so she knows I heard her and then I give her my attention soon after.

Trouble is, she now says excuse me every time I'm talking and very often has nothing to say, just wants attention! Not really sure she gets it, so I reckon with hindsight she's probably still too young to understand when it's ok to interrupt and when it isn't.

I'll be watching this thread with interest!!

Good question, in the past parents were very strict about children not interrupting adults when they are speaking. I've noticed now parents tend to be a lot less strict and give their children attention immediately, which to me is rude to the adult they are talking to.

But then adults now let themselves be constantly distracted by mobiles and text messages etc so that's not much of an example to small children.

I can't remember what age I started doing it but 2.5 is probably ok to start teaching them - I wouldn't expect them to actually do it yet! I guess it's a bit like teaching please and thank you - you start teaching it way before a child is really capable of understanding about good manners.

I agree with you Belgo - I find it very, very infuriating when I am speaking to a friend and her LO interupts as she will then have a conversation with them whilst ignoring me. Lots of people do this. DS aged 6 knows to say "excuse me" if urgent or wait until grown ups have finished speaking and we are working on the same now with DS who is 3. It's just plain good old fashioned manners which I feel are slacking now

Glad you posted this, I've been wondering the same thing. Always want to encourage ds to communicate-he's 2yrs 3mnths, but obv.dont want him still interupting and not knowing when he has to be quiet at by school age.

Only problem is sometimes it is something urgent...like him needing a wee...and dont think he'd be old enough to understand the cooncept that its ok to interupt for some things and not others!!

I think it is like a lot of things, you don't wait until you would expect them to do it and teach it then, you teach it from a younger age so that they get practice and become proficient by the time you would expect it.

For example, I taught my children simple niceties like please, thank you, sorry as soon as they were able make sounds. I didn't expect them to be able to say it consistently, but if they could make a 's' noise, they could say sorry, IYSWIM.

DD1 (4.7) has SN and her behaviour can be shocking. She needs 1:1 in group situations, etc. But her manners are impeccable. She says 'thank you' instinctively - she even said it to the nurse who gave her the MMR, through her tears (the nurse did point out that she didn't have to say thank you to someone who hurt her!). I don't think she is going to get the interrupting thing for quite some time due to her disability.

DD2 is 3.0, and she is starting to wait nicely at times.

DD3 is 16 months and can sign (& is starting to be able to say) 'please', thank you, and 'sorry'. She is getting quite reliable on 'please' and 'thank you', sorry is a matter of the will

Anyway, I digress. I think that it is good to gently point out that someone is already talking, and it isn't their turn yet from a young age, but only really clamp down on it when they can understand.

i normaly give dd momentary attention, to find out what she wants,if she needs a pee,has hurt herself etc,then i'll do whatever it is she needs...
if however she's blathering on about biscuits or tigers,i tell her im busy at the moment and carry on talking to the adult,but i make sure i strike up conversation with dd soon after.
dd is 2yrs 1month
im not sure if this is right,but it seems to be working okay.

Somewhere just beyond 2 as far as I recall. If it was someone right there in front of me I would pick up the DC and snuggle him or her against me so they got some sort of contact, while doing the finger over the lips sign. I tried not to interrupt speaking or listening to tell them to stay quiet. Signing is very handy, and also works for DCs who need to go to the loo and have to tell you.

If I was on the phone, I would make the same sign, as quite often I was involved in international conversations and I didn't want to waste someone else's or my own money while I made some sort of deal with a DC about letting me continue to talk.

Sometimes they seemed to interpret the fact that my lips were moving and I was clearly talking to someone else on the phone as a sign that it was time to tell me the most important thing ever, though . Eventually I got together a basket of things for occupying little people while I was on the phone and made a rule that I could only be interrupted if the house was on fire or someone was bleeding. Then if they interrupted, I would ask if the house was on fire or was someone bleeding; they have so far replied No and slouched off.

It's a long slog -- one exSIL kept masking tape in the kitchen and some in her bag for DCs who were very persistent in butting in.

Hmm, interesting.
I couldn't give you an exact age-I don't remember but I think 2.5 is old enough to be told to wait as Mum is talking.

At that age, I'd not make them wait long, a minute or two, but I do think kids need to learn to wait.

A friend of mine never did this, and now has a 15yr old who hangs around like a bad smell, and a 3yr old who screams if she doesn't get immediate attention.
Well, screams when she's not man handling her Mum's face, to force attention.

I only meet up with her when her children are elsewhere, and I nod along when she asks and wonders why her kids never leave her alone. (She has another two, in between bad smell and screamer, they aren't much better).

Her children and all that, but they are a problem for her, they are a problem for me, I bet for others too, so I'd say, teach them young to wait!

DS1 is 2.5 and if there's an important conversation I'll say "mummy talk to daddy" and he'll get the and wait, otherwise there is a constant stream of "mummy! Daddy!" etc. I don't think it's too young to teach them they don't always get attention first.

I agree that it's never too young to start teaching manners - and the younger they learn the younger they start to implement of their own accord.
My DD 3.10 always says 'excuse me' before interrupting

belgo - I very much agree with you, it's insulting. :(

Lurks - I have a 4 year old who just does not get this. I have tried ignoring, distraction, telling her to wait etc etc and she does not listen - just rises to a crescendo of screaming 'MUMMEE' for my attention. I hate it and I feel so by it. I can't have phonecall or conversation without her butting in to tell me something inane. I know its rude but I just can't get the message across....

I have a 6yo who can't get it, either, Scrappy :(.

I also have a 4 year old like this too scrappy and ragged so you are not alone. I haven't had a complete conversation with her around for 4 years now. It is exhausting and I have tried and tried and tried. Feel embarrassed and frustrated by it too.

I don't think the time to try to get the message across about interrupting is right there on the spot when it happens. Maybe sit them down and go over what's expected at a quiet time, or later on a day when there has been some interruption.