ds that loves being naked vs friend thats a bit of a prude!!

[pinchmeimustbedreaming]

my ds 3 loves being naked, my home is warm and loving. i feel very stronly about parenting and think that if my ds wants to be naked (and touch himself) thats fine. he knows the boundaries that he cant do it in public. i think that its actually important for children to get to know their bodies and how things feel against each part of the body. however a friend of mine that visits with her son nearly 3 doesnt really appreciate this as she thinks its discusting and rude. when we are in her home my son is dressed and thats fine but in his own home he should feel comfortable with himself to undress if he chooses. the other day my ds had i little 'morning glory' (this is happening more and more and hes intrigued by it)so had a little feel, her son thought it was great and wanted to undress too, my ds didnt mind if her ds looked. i was fine with but my friend was not and shouted at her son not to undress. before they left she said 'looks like he might turn out like his granddad' my fil is gay. i responded with thats fine he can be whatever he wants to be' accompanied with a big grin. i think its a real shame her ds isnt allowed to explore his body because of such an uptight mum but at the end of the day thats her problem and her family but to suggest my 3yo is gay because hes getting to know his body infront of anther child thats just ludicrous!! what do you guys think? have you experienced a similar thing?

just want to add my son isnt obsessed, its not constantly, hes just a boy :o

I think your son needs to realise what's appropriate to do in company tbh and that doesn't include touching himself. You may see it as being a fabulous, freedom giving parent, others will see it as no boundaries

I am completely happy with my Dcs being comfortable and exploring their bodies.

But they also have to learn social behaviours and they have to learn to show consideration to other people.
That is perhaps something you could do with learning too.

Your friend has told you that she is not especially comfortable with seeing your DS wandering around with a huge stiffy and having a bit of wanking practice.

Calling her a prude and feeling sorry for her DS because she won't let him join in is just foisting your views upon her.

Not an act of friendship or simple good manners in my view

I don't think you're doing your son any favours there tbh.

I have to say that I also agree with innocuousnamechange. It's absolutely fine for him to wander around like that touching himself, if you don't have company. But I think I would feel a bit uncomfortable if my DNephew was walking around touching himself like that in front of my DD.

I'm guessing that I must be a prude aswell . I have to say though that it also depends on how you were brought up. My DD often comes into the bathroom with me while I'm in the shower etc (she is only 14 months old though!) and as much as it's fine at the moment, it's not something that will continue when she's a bit older (although I'm not sure what age yet...). I never remember seeing either of my parents naked as it wasn't deemed appropriate when I was a child. I guess some of that might have rubbed off on me. However, a guy that I used to know, used to use the toilet while his Dsis was in the bath and they were in their late teens/early twenties. I found that incredibly strange.

But each to their own!

Are you serious? Youre setting your wee boy up for a fall here, being comfortable with your body is fine, teaching him that

a/ Its fine to walk around and touch yourself

b/ You dont have to care what makes otehr people uncomfortable just you do as you like.

is not.

like i said this isnt a constant thing obsesive thing and we are teaching him that being naked infront of others isnt alway appropriate, sorry after re-reading maybe i wasnt clear this is usually when he has been on the potty and wants his trousers pants off (friends ds likes to watch as he is intrigued). i am talking about a 2sec strum here in between a wee and me getting him to put his clothes back on not a full on wanking sesh for all to see. i am a good friend but i just find it a bit odd that she would feel offended by a 3yo naked body when she has a lo of the same age at home. certainly didnt think the gay comments helped.

so first you say he had an erection and was fondling it and was happy for his friend to have a look to the extent that friend wanted to join in..

Now you say it was a two second thing after peeing.

I think you have just gone through 180 degree turn.

Of course a flash of penis after a pee is not a problem. But that is not what you said happened. You clearly described an erection and a 'feel' and friends DS being on the point of joining in. You were at pains to stress that this type of exploring should be ok.

I don't think I'm a prude at all, but I think you're wrong not to teach your son what is acceptable in public and what's not.

How do you think he will feel when, just as he's about to go to nursery / school, all of a sudden it would become "wrong" to do what has always been fine for him.

Playing around in the house / garden half-naked when alone - fine. Playing with yourself in front of others - not. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should. Having a poo is natural too, you know, yet not recommended as a party trick.

Oh, the gay comment was out of line though. Except for that, I'd suggest you reconsidering your stand on this.

The gay comments were "just weird" and it sounds (if it was just a 2 second thing) that she is extremely uptight.

However, your ds is going to come across that attitude and nothing you or he does will change it.

I don't think 3 year old should have to be self-conscious of their bodies and I think anyone who has problems with seeing a 3 yr old's naked body has got issues, but that's the way of this world. We're in the minority here and, your home or not, I think you just have to conform to your friend's prejudices or not invite her to your home - which would be a shame surely when your ds has all the time in the world to have a quick fiddle in private?

The gay comments show your friend to be very uptight and possibly a little bigotted IMO.

It also shows she's putting her hang ups about sexuality onto children who are far too young for this to be an issue.

I remember with irritation a friend telling my ds at the same age to 'put some pants on'.

We are so uptight about nakedness in this country that it's very sad. Three year olds should be allowed to be naked in their own home of course.

It would be a good idea though to have a gentle word with him about playing with your willy when others are around. Tell him that's a lone activity!!

I can't believe how many prudes are on this thread.

I have a teenager with Aspergers who dislikes wearing clothing.
He used to run around nude whenever he could, but over the years we laid down rules so that he could mix with other children and it wasn't an issue at nursery and school.
He's allowed to be in whatever state he likes in his own room, but wears baggy pj bottoms around the house as a minimum.
Your friend isn't a prude, it's perfectly possible for your son to have a healthy body image and be comfortable about it without other children being part of that experience.
It's probably the exhibitionism that freaked her out, and your intolerance.

I'm not a prude about being naked, but I think you need to teach your son that having a "2sec strum" (vom) in company is somewhat undesirable.
The gay comment is a red herring here and not nice, but you are effectively saying 'it's fine to wank in public'.

Are you going to be back in a few years complaining about how he's not being invited on playdates?

Spider

as Ds2 still trampolines naked and he is 13, and DD often spend the morning in just her pants 9otherwise she would be cold apprently ), I am not exactly a prude.One of my friends Dss seemed to spend his whole life shagging a leather poof in my sitting room. Never bothered me at all ( although I always put the dog out ). But had he then taken all his clothes off and walked around with stiffy in hand I would have hoped she would say 'sweetheart, lets put your clothes back on and play something else. You can play that game later at home'

The nudity would not be a problem for me and if he had just been naked that would be fine.

But Op described her son fondling an erection when she knows that her friend is not relaxed about that level of freedom.
I don't think that is terribly considerate to her friend.

And I think calling anyone else finding it a little awkward uptight or priggish is a bit ridiculous tbh

Spidermama, being responsible and accepting social norms does not make one a prude.

When alone, ds (2.5) often runs around in just a nappy, and if it wasn't for the wee issue, I'd be happy for him to run around completely naked all day (inside, mind you, the poor thing would freeze to death in the current weather outside!). I would guess most of the posters here is/was the same at that age.

It is however unfair towards your child not to teach them from an early stage how to behave in front of others, as, when done early, is just one of those things, whereas to have to stop later, would be more of an issue.

I would think you also risk your child not having many friends over, so whilst you might think you're all free and happy, you risk limiting your child's social circle. Not an issue when 3, but might become one soon enough.

Sorry, wee boys with involuntary erections having a look and (completely innocently) liking to show other people, in their own home, that their "willy has gone big" or touching it because they notice that it's changed are not masturbating.

Anyway op, if the memories of the men I know are anything to go by, your son and his friend will be happily comparing their willies out of sight of you and your friend and emerging completely unscathed by the whole experience soon enough so I don't think you have to worry about depriving him.

pagwatch
Life in the looking-glass world!

thanks all noted,

On a lighter note, my little brother used to walk around our neighbourhood naked all the time (3 years old). He is now in his twenties at uni and recently put together a naked rugby team calendar to raise money for testicular cancer - a positive use of early nakedness!!

A 3 year old having a feel of his penis is NOT masturbating ffs.

pinchme i would probably get him to put some pants on, purely so your friend does not feel uncomfortable, just makes things easier all round, but I don't personally think it should be about anything more than keeping the peace, your son is not doing anything wrong in his own home, and if it were someone who was ok with it, he should not have to stop being naked.

I used to feel embarrassed about my DD picking her nose until my friend with a DS said about him keep getting his willy out to show people and play with.