four year old driving me crazy!

[fattybum]

I have a four year old who has always been hard work, but always seems much worse when we are around other people. We went to my 1 year old nephews birthday picnic today and, although he generally behaved well eg playing nicely with other children etc he kept trying to eat bits of the birthday cake before it had been cut. It seems almost as if he just couldn't help himself despite many tellings off from me and my husband. I didn't feel we could have just left, so what could I do differently? Am I expecting too much of a four year old? Also, he has recently started being very cheeky eg saying things like i'm just going to ignore you, or pulling faces. Is this a common problem at this age or am I doing something wrong? Sorry it's so long!

yes, my 4 yo is def testing the boundaries and experimenting with 'jokes' etc which can seem rude. I tend to pick her up/take her quietly aside and talk to her firmly and calmly about what she needs to do.

So in that situation, i would have taken her away/aside and said 'dd, you need to stop trying to take the cake because it is rude. If you do it again, you won't be able to have any at all. Do you understand? now go and wait for your bit - I bet that icing is yummy, don't you?'.

Dd does raspberrys and I either ignore, if I am doing something else or in a bored voice say 'dd, you know i don't like that'. if we are out in public I might tell her to stop a bit more sharply. i'm just going to ignore you, i'd probably not comment on, or say 'ok' and just carry on with what I am doing. If she is doing something cos she is cross though, I like to acknowledge she is cross and sympathise though. the book How to Talk so kids will listen is fab.

thanks for that! The only thing is, in these sort of situations he just seems to get so excited that he can't even look me in the eye and listen! he just gets so hyped up, I feel like he is out of control. He's not like this all the time, so I don't think he has a real problem, he just gets so excitable. is this normal?

My DS is nearly 4 has started with this too

Anyhthing from rasberry blowing,funny face pulling and manic behaviour which is hard to deal with some days

Have tried ignoring, telling off either firmly or in a bored way, he gets worse when tired as well

I think it is all boundary pushing etc but I feel so frustrated at the constant battle of wills at the moment especially as my DS is the oldest in my group of friends and seems to do all the new things first so he ends up looking like a wild child until the others catch up

what makes things worse is that all the other children were under two, therefore his behaviour seems so much worse because they are all being cute and lovely and can't even reach the table with the cake on it! I feel like everyone is looking at me like I'm a crap mum, but I really don't feel like I'm doing anything to make it worse. Can't wait for school to start!

Oh yes, understand about the hyper-manic thing. That's why it's vital (for my dd anyway) that I 'ground her' first in some way by picking her up or taking her aside and getting to her level.

And you are so right about it being harder when all the other kids are smaller - you feel so much more judged. I get this when dd comes along to toddler groups/library with us - I know she is being a perfectly normal exuberant 4 year old but am so aware when she acts out of line for even a second. Think you just have to develop a thick skin! Lemonadegirl, I find the good thing about having a group of friends like this is that you know you've all been there at least once. I love that we've seen the best and worst of all our kids, much less pressure... really.

Unfortunately I don't have many examples of other four year olds! ds has a cousin same age but so placid and well behaved you hardly know he's there, they are total opposites! ds didn't get nursery place and I never really made friends so often feel like I haven't got a clue what is "normal" and what is a problem! He is very bright and articulate and can be very loving, calling me his princess etc, but then he can't take no for an answer and still has daily tantrums.

hi there, i too am having trouble with my four year old, He is very loving and caring, but recently if i say 'no' you cant have that or I won't let him have sweets before dinner etc, He throws a big wobbler and has started to hit me too, Its very frustrating I know, But at school he's an angel, He even won head teachers award, So I count my blessings that its only with me, I remember my mum saying that he takes his emotions out with me because i'm closest to him, maybe thats true, I've just asked for advice myself! so sorry if i'm not much help but just wanted to let you know your not alone, I think mine skipped the terrible twos and is making up for it now-lol! i'm sure it will get better, they go through so many phases! , good luck.