frets in busy places

[nattybb]

hi! i'm new today to this site but was wondering if any one has ever had this problem with their children?, I have a beautiful 4 year old son, He is very lovable and normally well behaved, But recently he has started to lash out at me quite abit when he doesnt get his own way, He sometimes hits me and it hurts! I am going through a divorce at the moment and am under a lot of stress although I try very hard not to show my emotions infront of my son,Do you think he maybe senses stress?and knows somethings not right? and this could be a cause? I feel really guilty, I usually send him for time out and tell him this is naughty etc and I have started to use a reward chart and take off a star when he misbehaves etc, But I have also noticed especially these holidays that when I have taken him anywhere busy e.g:legoland, He gets really fretful and shouts at other children sometimes if they get in his space, i don't know what to do, i feel like i've run out of ideas? any advise would be much appreciated.

Bless his heart, he sounds a bit freaked out. Give him a massive hug, and maybe try and tell him that D.I.V.O.R.C.E. does not = mummy and daddy won't love him any more. Sorry if that's trite, but it might help? Good luck.

Divorce, as well as being a source of tension for all concerned, often means big changes in arrangements for children. An insecure child isn't an uncommon outcome. However, aged 4, and assuming that he is now at school (?), children are under the influence of a lot more than parents. They see what other children do and try it on for size!!

If you think the divorce is bothering him, bear in mind that children get a feeling of security from routine and normality. Fixed bedtimes and mealtimes, high expectations of good behaviour, school/nursery as normal, parents behaving as normally as possible - not overcompensating for the situation with lavish gifts, no backbiting about the other parent. If your ex has your son to stay then you need to talk about commonality of approach.

If you're feeling unhappy at any stage then it is actually OK to explain to a young child that 'mummy is not feeling 100% today and she's sorry if she's been rather grumpy'. Explaining your emotions simply is better than trying to pretend they don't exist.... children are more unsettled when the pictures don't match the words IME.

Good luck

thanks so much for all your advice, i will not take stars off anymore, i never thought of it like that, and i will try and explain if i'm grumpy that its not because of him and give him lots of tlc, thanks again.