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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

4 mo screams when held by anyone else but me and DH

9 replies

Quacksie · 12/08/2010 18:28

I'm newish to mumsnet and would appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced this.

My 4 month old DD has been really sociable until recently. However, while she smiles and gurgles happily at people from a distance, as soon as they hold her she screams and screams until she is held by me or DH. This also includes my mum who has seen her pretty much everyday since she was born yet DD still won't go to her, which she finds upsetting as DD previously seemed to adore her.

I thought babies went through stranger/separation anxiety a bit later? I'm just interested to know if anyone else has experienced similar with their babies, and if there is any reason for it, or if it is 'just a phase' !!

OP posts:

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kitbit · 12/08/2010 18:35

Hi and welcome to Mumsnet!
Just a quick reply but just had to saythat it's normal and it will pass. She's becoming aware that you are separate people andcan be detatched from her and she doesn't like it because she's not used to it!
Don't worry, and in my opinion resisting it makes it worse whereas reassurance makes it pass quicker. Hang in there, she'll get through it!

WaftyCrank · 12/08/2010 18:41

My DD was exactly the same and would scream as loud as possible if I so much as walked too close to someone else with the chance of me passing her over!

She's 17 months now and still a shy girl but once she's been around people for a few minutes she opens up and she's really sociable.

So don't worry it will pass.

scrab806ble · 12/08/2010 18:50

Both my DD's the same, even with MIL who they had seen from day 3/4.
Actually was a point when even DH got the screams. It does pass, generally quite quickly, altho' does not seem it at time...

Igglybuff · 12/08/2010 18:55

This is normal - my DS did this around a similar age. In fact he went through phases - sometimes he's ok, sometimes not. At christmas when he was about 4 months, he freaked out as when we arrived everyone was staring at him and crowding round. We had to leave the room!

The best thing to do is give him time - so hold him when you've got visitors but make sure they're not staring at him. Let him check them out, keep it relaxed. DS would then start to look at the visitor and maybe reach out to touch them. At that stage you can try to pass them over although might not work.

He stopped doing it after a while, then started again - can't remember when. It comes and goes. I find it's worse when he's teething or ill.

mamacherry · 12/08/2010 19:42

My 4 month old dd is doing exactly the same!I find it quite alarming that she can get so terribly upset so quickly and it takes her ages to calm down again. Think that it is just a phase and am just accepting it. They are very tiny at this age and the world must seem like a big and frightening place when mummy isn't in the immediate vicinity!

Original poster

Quacksie · 12/08/2010 20:19

Hi everyone

Thanks for your replies, much appreciated.

It is really difficult trying to figure little ones out sometimes, especially when you're getting 'helpful' advice at the time like 'oooh she's hungry/tired' etc when you know they're not!!

Well, as you all say, it will pass soon hopefully! thanks for the advice!

OP posts:

MoragG · 13/08/2010 13:09

My DD started doing this at 3 months and still starts crying inconsolably when held by anyone other than me, DH or one of her grannies (she is now 6.5 months). Still not sure whether to keep giving her to other people in the hope she will get used to it! It is actually worse if I am there and she can see me - she is less likely to scream if she can't see me.

moajab · 13/08/2010 23:08

My second son was like this from about three months - he only wanted me and was not happy with anyone else, although he would smile at them over my shoulder once I took him back! It was just a faze. A little while later he totally switched allegiance and only wanted his dad! He's now a very independent, confident five year old.

theboobmeister · 14/08/2010 14:41

It's a part of normal development - from about 2 months on, they start showing a definite preference for their 'primary caregivers', which presumably would be you and your DH.

as other posters have said, try not to make it into a big thing or insist that your DD goes with granny/whoever else if she doesn't want to - this is expecting too much at this stage and will probably make things worse. Try to get your mum to understand this too, she shouldn't be hurt by behaviour which is normal and appropriate at this stage.

BTW, of course this sort of thing will get easier over time, but do remember that your DD is for life and she will probably prefer you to most other people for many years to come!!

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