The thread about the 7 year old and wet shoes got me thinking about how useless my 11 year old ds is. Is this normal?

[Wallace]

On the thread in queston the mother expected the 7 year old to remember to stuff his shoes with newspaper and put them in the airing cupboard without being asked.

There is no way my 11 year old ds is capable of this.

A few examples.

He came home on his bike earlier and I reminded him to take the wheelie bin out before he came in.

I just now noticed it wasn't done... how can he forget in between putting bike away and walking in the door?

When I noticed the wheelie bin wasn't done he was in the middle of stuffing newspaper in his shoes to dry them off (two pairs of shoes that if I hadn't reminded him would still be sitting around soaking). I told him to leave his shoes to go and do the wheelie bin quickly.

He did the bin, came back in, stepped right over his half done shoes and sat on the sofa. I had to point out to him that he was in the middle of doing them.

He is also really bad at shutting doors behind him.

He is always going in the garden in his socks, despite being told several times a week to either put shoes on, or go barefoot, but he never ever seems to get it!

How can he be so forgetful?! It makes me I feel like I am constantly nagging him and I hate it!

I think this is partly male brain - I have male family members much older than 11 who are still capable of behaving exactly like this

It is infuriating tough to live with but I'd cut him some slack & just keep nudging him (or ask him every time if he's forgotten something - you might be able to train him that way.)

Good luck

I was thinking more like a collar that gives him an electric shock everytime he forgets something...

Got to train him so he doesn't make an awful husband to some poor woman!

Sounds like dh!

And I'd never heard of the newspaper in shoes thing.

How frustrating DS is only 4 so I'm not at the wheelie bin stage, but getting him to hang up his coat isn't easy. It sounds like he takes no responsibility for these things, just responds to direct instruction (eg. you told him to stuff his shoes, then stopped him to do the wheelie bin so the original instruction is overridden)

'How to talk' suggests describing what you see 'eg. I see the wheelie bin in the wrong place' to get them to think about what their reaction should be. it sounds very artificial but I find it does work with my DS (I know he's much younger but a lot of people say that book is better with older children anyway)

good luck

Thanks, I have got How to Talk. I probably need to fish it out for another read :)

I do try to notice the stuff he does right "You put your bike away, thank you" but it is much harder to notice when something is done rather than when it isn't

DS is 8 and still does this a LOT. However, I can see that he is improving a bit at a time esp wrt routine stuff - maybe yr ds is also improving in teeny steps?

DS - 11 is exactly the same - mind you DD - 6 is also - maybe I just have lazy dreamy kids

I have to hang my head in shame and say that at 23 I still do stuff like this, let alone young(ish) children. As others have said, I think it has a lot more to do with personality than it does with age. I've been like this my whole life, and it's my DP (bless him for putting up with me ) who will point out the pile of laundry in front of the washing machine, or the bowl of water left over from changing DD's nappy, now in danger of being tipped over.

Still, I get by, and it's actually easier when I'm by myself, because then there's no one to take up the slack and i start to see whhat I'm not doing. Your DS might not improve until he moves out (sorry), but if not, he probably won't struggle when he's by himself.

I think a lot of it is down to getting distracted though - mine are very capable just if it doesn't capture their imagination at the time then itgets overlooked, or stepped over etc

I'm 41 and still get very easily distracted - which is why I came into the kitchen to put my mug in the dishwasher, saw the laptop was on, sat down at the table to check my emails, went onto MN instead and now notice (as a result of this thread) that my mug is still on the side

Describing what you see sounds interesting - I might give that a go