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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2.5 year toddler with new baby and family members.

13 replies

pamelat · 11/08/2010 10:04

posted a few times

dd high spirited/active/bright/demanding 2.5 year old, always been feisty

ds 12 weeks old

mummy tired ...

mon-wed dd at nursey

thu-fri with me and ds, she thinks i still work mon-wed. as of next week she'll be off mondays with us too.i can afford keep nursey 3 days due excellent maternity provision but feel guilty

had horrid few weeks with her, screaming, whining, poo smearing, waking at night etc

seem to have turned a corner, back to normal tantrums (without the poo) and not waking at night.

however she is ok to me and ds (new baby) but has become quite rude to everyone else.

DH has collected her from nursery a few times and she has ran off and hidden from him, he is not impressed. I am trying to make sure I do lots with her, including just me and her.

She has aunties and uncles nearby who have visited and she has either refused to speak to them or actively ran away to me, makes it a bit difficult when they have come to see her in the main.

I am very conscious that people are noticing and sometimes now remarking how easy ds is compared to dd (he is a much easier baby than he was) and I dont want her to hear this sort of remark.

I really feel for her as she is obviously just struggling to display her complex emotions at only being 2 but her behaviour has become so that all family members notice it, or worse comment on it.

She screams if anyone other than me does bath or bedtime. I am breastfeeding but have switched to a bottle at bedtime to do this, and to give me a break but her dad is missing out on doing these things, which she happily did pre baby.

Is taking her out of nursery for that extra day a good or bad or indifferent thing? am nervous about it now ... !1

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ppeatfruit · 11/08/2010 11:26

Ignore the aunties etc. Esp. the comparisons not helpful IMO. I would def take her out of nursery it sounds like you are a v. good mumit's a stage and will pass.

ppeatfruit · 11/08/2010 11:29

Of course you could explain why she can come home for Mondays and let her make the decision.

Original poster

pamelat · 11/08/2010 12:24

Thanks ppeat,know she would choose to come out as she has started to say she doesnt want to go. She loves it once she is there mind you.

I dont really want her to cotton on to the fact that I am home with ds on the other days, but I dont think she will. She seems really grown up compared to newborn but she is still only a baby herself really, keep having to remind myself of that!

Not sure how to ask/make her be nice to other people,its like she doesnt want to see them at the moment?

OP posts:

MrsWB · 12/08/2010 00:01

I can really sympathise. My DS was 2.5 when his sister arrived last October. He has always been sweet to her, but really played up to me to get attention. And I found it was much worse when other people were around. For the first few weeks my parents who live nearby came to help with tea and bathtime and he would behave really badly - refusing to get in the bath etc, and even hitting me. They then stopped coming to see if it helped and it did - he behaved a lot better when it was just me.

It is hard as it is nice to have others around to help, but I found it did make things worse in those early days. Before he had a sister he loved to see his grandparents but I think in those first few months he found it difficult enough to share me with a new baby and didn't want to share me with anyone else.

The other thing I found was that because I was tired and hormonal I overreacted to his naughty behaviour and that escalated things. Everything he did was normal toddler naughtiness and I should have given him more of a break than I did. It definitely helped when I calmed down.

Hope that helps

MrsWB · 12/08/2010 00:04

By the way, I kept DS in nursery 2 days a week too (he had been doing 3 when I was working) and I felt guilty like you, but it was a godsend as it really gave me a break which helped me to be a bit calmer on the other 3 days. Try not to feel bad about it.

I also worried he would realise I was at home and want to be there but it wasn't a problem. He know I was at home with the baby and didn't seem to mind.

Original poster

pamelat · 13/08/2010 21:28

Really bad day despite lots of praise and a solid hour with just me (swimming)

3 wee "accidents"

twice slapped DH on his face

ran off from naughty step

said "I dont like my mummy daddy or my DS (by name". I said that would make mummy sad and she said "Yes I make you cry" and seemed quite happy about that

then 10 minutes later she is crying because she does "love her mummy/daddy and DS" ... etc etc etc.

OP posts:

katiepotatie · 13/08/2010 21:39

Very normal behaviour imo, dd was only 2 when ds arrived, I did have to keep reminding myself that she was still a baby too. It does get better, you sound like a great mum.

Original poster

pamelat · 14/08/2010 10:34

thank you she was up for 2 hours in night crying that didnt want a new mummy afterall .....

managed 4 hours sleep in between dealing with that and feeding ds.

we'll get there ...

OP posts:

13lucky · 15/08/2010 18:20

It's so tough - I really feel for you. I'm not going to be a lot of help but I do know what you're going through. I have a similar sounding dd who is now 4 and a (much easier!) ds who is 22 months (age gap is 2 years and 3 months). I think your dd's behaviour is all normal. My dd is still rude to family members and it drives me mad and I worry about whether it's normal but she is a VERY feisty child and always has been. She has been through fiercely jealous times with her brother and I find myself getting so worked up about it...but even at 4, she is still young and it must be so hard for them. I think your dd probably feels so close to you and your family that she feels she can play up with them...how is she at nursery? I wouldn't mind betting she is fine there?? My dd was an angel at preschool apparently...don't think my family would believe that though. She told my father in law he wasn't her friend yesterday and things like that make you feel bad. But you're she's not the only one and they're just learning still. Good luck. x

Original poster

pamelat · 16/08/2010 09:56

Thank you, fine at nursery but they say she is "funny" as in ha ha, which I think probably means mischievous/out of control?!!!

She is assertive, especially with the boys there apparently, I think that means bossy

DS cried yesterday and she went from happily playing with new lego with grandparents to standing up and running to me saying "but mummy I need you"

It is hard but I can kind of manage that level of jealousy. Its the effect its having on the severity of her tantrums and like you say, "rudeness", that bothers me.

The weeing when upset has become at least daily but she refuses to go back to nappies, so strong willed.

OP posts:

laughalot · 16/08/2010 10:09

My ds was 2.5 when daughter was born the first day we were home he said look mummy baby is playing with my toys he had pulled her out the moses basket I assume by the legs and dragged her over to the toy box . He was a total horror with her and it broke my heart but it will pass and they will get used to one another , mine are now 6 and 3.5 and are cuddling up watching tv. My ds was a livley little chappie and still is but back then I used to hate the hv coming round or friends as he was so horrid to her or would just show off when anyone came around for attention.

It will be ok promise.

Rockdoctor · 16/08/2010 15:32

My dd1 is 2.5 and dd2 is 12 weeks. Very similar issues here although they have only surfaced in the last few weeks - coincidentally after we took dd1 out of nursery (unfortunately we could no longer afford to keep her there).

As far as nursery is concerned, I think that in our case, taking dd1 out of nursery has made the situation worse as it has disturbed her routine even more and tbh when she was at nursery she was probably getting more one on one playing time than she does at home. I am now having to resort more and more to the television as a way of getting quiet time where I can settle and feed dd2 - which is making me feel more guilty than having her at nursery ever did!

Original poster

pamelat · 16/08/2010 15:44

rockdoctor sorry you have similar

dd was ok for first 8 weeks, the novelty then wore off.

cbeebies and treats are being overly used here too

its emotionally exhausting and frustrating as ds will sleep if given 10 mins or so to settle with me in dark quiet room but dd bursting in and literally screaming if it takes me more than 20 secs to settle him, despite my explaining that once he asleep she has me all to herself etc etc, so end up resorting to driving around nap times so he can sleep, or walking, which were not habits I wanted to get in to ....

OP posts:

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