HELP! 4 year old DS "doesn't love Daddy" any more

[gaelicsheep]

Now firstly, I know he doesn't mean it. So does DH, deep down, but the longer this goes on I can see he's becoming quite hurt by it. DS's behaviour is currently quite appalling. He's shouting, answering back, point blank refusing to do as he's told, etc. but he's 10 times worse with DH than me.

My explanation is that he has a fairly demanding new baby sister (7 weeks), I am usually a WOHM (DH being a SAHD) and am now at home but spending a very good part of the day breastfeeding DD, and DS is reacting by attention seeking. I think he's rejecting DH because he wants more time with me. I figured we might have been overdoing the "big brother" thing and expecting too much of him so we've really stepped back and we're treating him with kid gloves (within reason), but nothing is helping.

Has anyone else had a young child who's reacted to a new baby like this and how did you solve it? I should add that DS is brilliant with DD - it's his horrible attitude to DH that's the problem.

Bump

We have two daughters born about 16 months apart, and the youngest, a boy born about three years after his older sister.

My suggestion to you, is to draw up a calendar or diary or rota and discuss it with your 4 year old. Your husband needs to be in charge of the baby for two hour sessions at various parts of the day. When he is looking after the baby, you can do things exclusively with the four year old.

at other times of the day, son and dad can do male or boy things together.

I suggest That you put aside twenty pounds, and say to son "Here is twenty pounds I want you and Dad to go to Toys R us (or similar toy or games shop) and choose something which you can play with together"
Would a Train set be too expensive for your current budget?

Thanks for the suggestions. There are obviously toys they can play with together, but nothing new in that respect since DD arrived. I'll suggest that to DH.

I think this is normal to some extent regardless of new siblings. My 4 year old has told DH that she doesn't love him. When we say that Daddy will be putting her to bed she tells him that is 'very bad news'. She asks for me instead. She is an only child. When she says that to DH he just says 'well I love you very much'. It is no use taking it to heart or giving reactions - they are just experiementing with feelings and the effect they can have on other people.

Answering back and shouting etc is normal 4 year old behaviour. Tell him it is not acceptable to you. Punish him where needed. This too shall pass.

Try reading this book - divas and dictators. It has completely changed the way that I see my dc behaviour.

Your ds is just after attention and he's getting it! He's been used to having both of you doting on him and he's just throwing a bit of a tantrum about it. This book gives you loads of ideas about rewarding good behaviour and ignoring the 'bad' attention seeking behaviour. I think rewarding with time (like if you do X today we can do a jigsaw together) is more effective than giving toys.

This too will pass....good luck in the mean time!