I really need some help please. Horrible 4 yr old

[dollarprincess]

I have 3 girls aged 12, 6 and 4 yrs.
Our 4 yr old and for some unknown reason she keeps hitting her 6 yr old sister for no reason.
My 6 yr old does nothing at all, she wouldn;t hurt a fly, hasn't got a harmful bone in her body, but no matter what we do the 4 yr old just hits her for no reason.
We have told the 6 yr old to hit her back but she only taps her back.
We have told the 4 yr old off etc but nothing seems to work.
We just dont know what to do any more.
Can anyone suggest anything please?

Our little boy went through a biting phase, we used to get down to his level, make sure we had eye contact, tell him it was unacceptable and put him in the hall for 2-3 minutes.
After which he had to come back in and say sorry or go back in the hall for another 2 minutes.

Personally I wouldn't encourage the 6 year old to hit back because that seems to be saying that hitting's ok.

Good luck, if all else fails ask your health visitor for some help. We did and had a visit from a behaviourist which helped.:)

You tell your six year old to hit her little sister? Seriously? Sounds to me as if your youngest is desperate for attention in a family where her sibling is the favourite.

You have decided you have one perfect daughter and one 'horrible' one. No wonder your littlest is hitting out. If you are a real person I find this very disturbing.

Shes 4 shes still a baby.

She is not of an age to understand actions and consequences.

It is v common but you need to encourage more gentle behaviour by continually reminding her and praising her ,loving her and being gentle with her.

How is she developmentally? is she reaching her milestones? is language a difficulty?.

Is she just about to start pre school or is she in nursery? perhaps there is a flick back reaction coming from that environment?.

thank goodness your 6yr old has some sense.

Right first off we are NOT encouraging our 6 yr old to hit, she is so fed up of being being hit all the time that we said try hitting back to see if the 4 yr old stops ONLY WHEN SHE GETS HIT.
HORRIBLE was just a word i used, but how do you feel when nothing seems to work.
Our 3 girls are constantly being cuddled and being told they are loved, unlike other people in the world, we would go to the wends of the earth and back for our girls.
I can't belive i have comeonto this forum to get some ideas maybe a little help and get get advised ot go to PARENTING CLASSES?
Bloody hell i wish i hadn;t even bothered.
Health visitor? yeah right like a hole in the head.
No thanks asked for help before and got no where.
Nickshik, she is doing well developmently, as she is just about to start school in september, we just don;t understand why she hits outs thats alll, and i get this ?

It's a good opportunity to talk about feelings... sounds like you need to work on empathy... sit them down together and tell the four year old that hitting makes 6-year old sad and ask if she would be happy if somebody hit her.

I've never really had hitting problems with my two but find things like "she's your special sister we give kisses not hitting" that kind of thing tends to work.

my two kids went through the same stage , just hitting eachother all the time ! it drove me and my partner mad , i tried to make them stop but everytime i turned my back they started again , i got really stressed after a while but then i found this helpline : 0808 802 5544, its called youngminds and it was really helpful.

I wouldn't mind but it is only the youngest one.
We don;t understand why she is doing it as they all get treated the same, no favorites at all.
She knows she has done wrong when she does it, says shes not going to do it again but then does.
I am not blowing my own trumpet because i am not like that what so ever, but every one says my girls are brilliant and so well behaved, it's just this that lets this one down x

I don't think you can even see how much you favour her sisters over her. You have a bigger gap between the first two and the youngest, maybe you just find the normal relationship between similarly aged siblings a shock? Don't keep blaming the baby. It won't be just her.

I DON;T THINK YOU ARE LISTENING LOVE.
WE DO NOT FAVOR ANY OF THEM I JUST SIMPLY CAME ON HER FOR SOME IDEAS AND YOU STILL THINK WE FAVOR ONE OVER THE OTHER, NOT THE CASE WHAT SO EVER.
SHOCK, NO NOT AT ALL.
THEY LOVE EACH OTHER TO BITS, ANYONE CAN SEE THAT.
ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT IF ANYONE DOES NOT HAVE ANYTHING CONSTRUCTIVE TO SAY, DON;'T BOTHER.
I AM A GOOD MOTHER AND MY HUSBAND IS A BRILLIANT DAD, END OF STOREY.
OUR YOUNGEST ONE IS MY LITTLE SHADOW, I TAKE HER WITH ME ALL THE TIME AND THE MIDDLE ONE LOVES BEING WITH HER DAD.
THE YOUNGEST STARTS SCHOOL IN SPET AND IT IS BRAKING MY HEART THAT I WON;T HAVE HER AT HOME ANYMORE.
THE MIDDLEO ONE AND THE YOUNGEST LIVE FOR EACH OTHER, JUST THIS ONE PROBLEM STICKS OUT, BUT HEY WHAT A SURPRISE, SHE HAS NOT HIT FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS, SO I MUST BE GOOD AT SOMETHING EH?
I THINK FROM NOW ON I WILL GO ON MY NORMAL BITS ON HERE AND KEEP OUT THE NORM FIRING LINE!!!!

Dollar, you have my sympathies. For having to find a way to deal with a child that hits, and for some of the ridiculous responses on here. Seriously.

It's unacceptable for her to hit her sister. Have you tried removing her from the room and ignoring her when she does it? My sister found that method worked quite well for her.

I'm sure you will get other, reasonable responses tonight, so don't give up just yet..you have to sort the wheat from the chaff!!

mooncup, thankyou so much, at alst someone who does not have their head in the clouds lol.
We have tried ignoring her, but did still carry on.
We have also tried removing her from the room, but i am so pleased that the past few days she has been brilliant.
It has annoyed me that some of the comments on here think that the middle daughter has been made out to be special, but i am saying this from the bottom of my heart and i hate lyers so telling lies is not my forte, My middle daughter is as i have discribed, all of friends and family know and will say the same.
She doesn;t have a spitful or nasty bone in her body.
I can;t help the way my girls are, their mannerisms etc.
Its just the way they are.
It would be boring if they were all the same wouldn't they?
Thankyou again mooncup x

Dollarprincess, my 4 yo is very much in a 'whacking his sister' phase too. She's 7 and very placid (well, she was, before he started lamping her!). He's also stressed about starting school. I'm hoping that's it and it will all come out in the wash, as it were. He's also finding the holidays hard, as all his usual routine has gone. For dd it's a break from school, for ds it's just confusing.

We don't do time outs, as he's going for attention and depriving him of just that seems a bit counter-productive (to me - I could be wrong). I'm still waiting to come out with some fabulous alternative though. Also he has recently starting showing separation anxiety, so sending him away for a few minutes would scare the heck out of him. Poor lad is a wreck at the moment, which makes me no help to you, but I send my sympathies!