She won't leave me alone!

[washingfairy]

DD is 6m and has always been quite 'attached', if that's the right word... coslept for 4 months, napped in a sling, you know the sort.

Anyway, she's always been very well adjusted, is happy to go to anyone (worryingly), in general a very happy baby.

Recently she won't let me put her down. I can't really leave her anyway as she's been crawling for a good month and a half, and likes the TV and the coal in the fireplace, so she's on a close watch at all times. But I used to be able to leave her on her mat with a load of toys for a minute or so, while I made some tea or whatever.

I just can't do it anymore! Unless I'm holding her, she is wailing. Proper, 'MUMMY! Why am I down here? I want CUDDLES!' wailing. Amd when held, she wants reading to/singing to, throwing about or just general attention. As I type she's crawling all over me, pulling at my face and half-heartedly moaning. On the bus the other day a lady stopped and told me that my 'interaction skills with my child are wonderful' which at the time actually brought a little lear to my eye, but now I'm starting to wonder if I'm creating a rod for my own back (God, I hate that phrase...)?

Is this a phase? What can I do? She's killing my back as I have to carry her with me to make lunch/do washing/feed the cat etc, and I also miss sitting on the sofa for a while as she amuses herself. Are those days long gone?

Sorry for the long post, and thanks.

tear to my eye, obviously...

poor you. I know it*s hard but also for your dd. they go through so manyy things at this stage -teeth, separation anxiety, maybe a cold...
It will pass.
Holdind dd all day today myself...

it IS a phase. those days of being able to make a cup of tea will come back.

one good thing about being 6 mo is you can start to give her rice cakes / baby finger food to mess about with in her high chair while you have a coffee and read a mag. lots of mess, but worth it!

She's not distressed, just making a racket by the sound of it. 6mo have very little capacity to entertain themselves, let's be honest, so they're just looking to you to be the entertainment. :) The trick is to leave her to wail for a bit & (very important) feel calm yourself about doing it. Put her somewhere that she can't access the TV or the fireplace so that you know she's safe... playpens or a gate on the door of the room are ideal. Be where she can see you because some don't like it if you go out of their eyeline. And then stick at it. You can't be carrying a child around 24/7.... it's not practical.

Thanks, it's definitely not teeth, but she had a cold last week so maybe it's lingered a bit.

Re finger food, she hates rice cakes passionately (as do I), but loves those organix soft rusks. Man, they are messy, but you're right, I should use them to buy some more time. I had been trying to leave her a bit, Chil, but wondered if me not going to her immediately was making her clingy? I'm always quite relaxed with her (though it's a different story with DH, poor man!) so I don't think she could be picking up anxiety from me...

I'll just take a deep breath and carry on. Thanks for such quick responses when I was just about pulling my hair out!

I think you need to be apart from her more. Gradually though. 10 mins here, 20 mins there. Do you have family and friends who would be willing to do that on a regular basis. It's good to leave them to cry sometimes because they learn that you always come back. If you're they're all the time they can't learn that.

I can understand how draining it is though. It really wont last.

Chin up. :)

It's some babies... DS1 has always been a real independent little soul. He was a real grumpy little git whinger from birth, cried for the first 6 months but once he could get going, he was happy to just go and do stuff. Didn't like cuddles, didn't like kisses etc. Now in playgrounds/playgroups, he is quite happy to just go off on his own to explore. His favourite phase at 2.6 years old is 'I do it, I do it, I do it!' DS2, on the other hand, is a real chilled out baby. Very happy to go with the flow but only if someone is carrying him! He literally clings on to me for dear life, it's quite funny to watch. However, he does go to nursery for one day a week just so I get a break and he is happy to go to anyone else there as long as he can't see me! He's 9 months old now and if I leave him in the living room (with a stairgate), he pulls himself up and rattles the stargate and cries until I come to him. Thank goodness he is a wee little man and I can carry him around fairly easily.

I just think you should do your best to meet the needs of your baby but there are times when things have to be done, then you need to just leave her. I used to leave DS2 downstairs in the living room with DS1 for 3 minutes while I shower (with the door open!) and inevitably, there will be tears as DS1 used to use the opportunity to thump DS2. The phase has now passed and they now happily play in their own little corners. It will pass. Enjoy having a clingy baby. Because DS1 wasn't cuddly like DS2, I love cuddling and kissing him, it's so sweet. :)

Oh my goodness angel. I've just looked at your profile and seen your babies. They're so cute!!

Thanks yummum01! I uploaded those photos as I was really worried about how tiny DS2 is compared to DS1 at the same age... :( But DS2 is now 9 months old and still a dot but overall, he is much better (we suspect now that he has a cow's milk protein allergy, which was making him quite sickly with lots of mucus etc but I digress...). I uploaded some recent ones for you to look at. My boys are cute but DS1 is a handful and a half and DS2 won't leave me (or his brother!) alone!

The funny thing IMO and Penelope Leach's is if you 'give in' to yr DC's attachment anxiety it lasts a lot less time than if you leave them to cry 'cos they feel more secure.

Agree with ppeatfruit, I think that though it can be really really draining, going with it is the best thing in the long/medium term. They end up being a lot less clingy, for their temperament. You could try using a mei tai sling and carrying on your back when you really need to get things done around the house.

My DD was and is similar.

Second the idea about putting her in the highchair while you sit at the table with her and read the paper for a break!

She is just about old enough for a backpack carrier, which you might find more comfy?

Or a hippychick hip seat?

The willingness to go to anyone will change quite dramatically as she gets older, so don't worry about that.

My DD has clingy phases that come and go. I agree with the others that if you respect their need to be attached to you they grow out of it more quickly and end up more confident in the end. They do have periods of progression and regression. Eg my DD at 12 months was very independent, would settle herslef to sleep at night, etc etc. Then for a month at 13 months it was as if she was 3 months old again! Constantly wanted to be with me, if she woke up and found herself alone in her cot she would be unconsolable until she came into our bed. One day at 14 months she decided that that phase was over and she is now back in her own cot sleeping well and really not bothered about being on her own. Happy to play upstairs while I am downstairs etc.

So I think this thing going on with your DD will come and go for a while yet.

Yes! Again and Bumpsadaisie Though they are all different.

Thanks angel. They really are gorgeous. I could eat them up! But I wont.lol
:)

Thanks yummum01. They are cute, thanks for reminding me. Sometimes I forget how gorgeous my boys are when they are irritating the hell out of me. It's nice to be reminded! :)