How can I stop 2 year old dd from hitting her friend?

[poshsinglemum]

My closest mum friend has a dd the same age as mine (2). They do love each other but I have to say it's getting one sided. My friends dd is a sweet little girl who is very generous and sharing and dotes on my dd.
My dd is lovely but very strong-willed and feisty and when they are together she hits the poor little girl. She gets jealous when she touches her toys and goes for her then but much of it is unprovoked.She's even squared up to her once.
I deal with it by telling her off, normally in the naughty corner of step and making her apologise.
Once dd was hitting the little girl but when she saw me looking at them she stopped and gave her a kiss. How can I stop her as I don't want to stop seeing my friend. Is it a dominance thing?

I think you can only keep persevering with "no, we do NOT hit our friends", moving her away to explain firmly, distraction etc

she is not much more than a baby really and I don't think naughty step etc is appropriate

I'm really into the idea of the naughty step or a place where I can speak to her aside from the fray. At this stage I never leave her there. i just sit her down and tell her firmly not to hit her friend.
Why do you think she's like this as she's not as bad with other children?

I agree with the taking her aside to speak to her - not really "naughty step" in the supernanny sense, just a way of getting the message through firmly but gently

I think a LOT of children go through phases of being like this. I really don't think it is any indicator at all of her overall personality or of your parenting

it is difficult, though, isn't it, when they do things that appall you and you don't know why/how to get them to stop? But she could just as easily go through a phase of being passive and easily hurt, and you would worry about that too

my dd was exactly like this. We also used time out, and made her apologise for what she had done. Sometimes she was soooo cross at her friend that she would take herself back into time out rather than apologise

She is now 3 and thankfully it has mostly stopped, I think they start to learnt empathy and impulse control around this age, and can definitely relate when I ask her how she would fel if she was being hit.

It also helped that a boy hit her once, sh cried and screamed, and I cuddled her, but constantly told her that is why we don't hit our friends, because it hurts, no you know how x feels etc.

watching with interest as my DS (2yo2m) has started to hit out and push - mostly his "best friend", but also I've noticed at the playground recently occasionally with other children.

I always do the "no, stop, we don't hit, say sorry" etc... I've wondered whether it's because he's not really talking yet; words are increasing, but it seems quite slow, and I wonder whether he is frustrated that he can't communicate as he would like?

The situation with his friend is interesting as I think the friend IS a bit of a wind-up merchant... always wants to have the toy DS has, always makes a big fuss when he doesn't get what he wants, will cry even at a small push etc. DS doesn't take from others, but he is VERY possessive about what he is playing with, and it takes a LOT of discussion to share and give over toys etc to others (know that's normal at this age).

But I empathise with your situation as I get on really well with the mum, but it is a bit wearing, and I have started to reduce the time we spend together as I find I can't relax as I need to be very alert to DS around her son.

I know it's a stage, but it's dull!

DS and his best friend are like this too - they are also just 2/about to be 2. I think it is a familiarity thing, they behave a lot like I would expect siblings to.

It is generally his friend (my friend's DD) who is the one doing the pushing and shoving and not wanting to share and I know that my friend is mortified about it. We just try and keep them amused and are hoping they grow out of it! They enjoy playing together 90% of the time, it's just when the tiredness and grumpiness kicks in that it becomes a problem.

ali - that's me, I do feel mortified... how do you feel as the receiver's mum?

I feel fine. My friend's DD is only a baby, and it's not like my friend is saying 'go on DD, give Alibaba's DS a push'. She has a baby sister as well and is quite possessive of her Mum (my friend). Things definitely took a turn for the worse when the baby came along but I'm sure they'll get better soon.

We just try and keep the toys shared out, make a fuss of DS when he gets pushed and ignore her DD a bit rather than all the attention being on her.

Tbh it doesn't do DS any harm, he isn't in nursery or anything but he'll be starting pre-school next April and there is bound to be some pushing and shoving there so he needs to get used to it! :)

That's interesting that you feel your DS is being provoked jollster, I do think some children can be very wily and manipulative from quite a young age - obviously it's just inherent in some people, not saying they are planning to get their friends into trouble or anything!

DS is quite calm about sharing toys, the only thing he's really determined to hang onto are his beloved trains! He doesn't provoke at all, he's an incredibly calm child (takes after his Dad, I have a temper!). We only have a problem with this one friend - but as I said they are also more like brother and sister, we spend time altogether twice a week usually and have done since the children were about 4 months old so they are very familiar with each other.

haha - yes DS is particularly attached to anything with wheels, trains, cars, trikes - you name it. It's funny as I think DS is like his dad too, loving and independent and usually mild mannered, but when riled? Whoooosh! That's reassuring to hear how you feel about it Ali - my logical brain realises exactly what you say, but sometimes I do feel a bit, I don't know, embarrassed/paranoid etc.