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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is bullying acceptable?

26 replies

asouthwoldmummy · 08/08/2010 18:37

I heard somewhere that over 60% of children are bullied at some point, and 6 children in the UK commit suicide each year due to bullying. I just wondered what everyone's views are on bullying. Is it unacceptable behaviour or just something our DC's have to put up with like we did?

OP posts:

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 08/08/2010 18:41

No, never acceptable. At its worst it causes sucide, depression, self confidence issues... No child should have to put up with it, adults don't, they have the law to help them.

llareggub · 08/08/2010 18:41

Of course it is unacceptable. What an odd post.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 08/08/2010 18:44

Agree 100% with LLareggub.

Original poster

asouthwoldmummy · 08/08/2010 18:52

But can you be certain your DC's would tell you if they were being bullied? I'm sure there are some parents out there who wouldn't be bothered

OP posts:

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 08/08/2010 18:54

You can spot it, they loose things/become withdrawn/tearful/unexplained bruises. If you have a confident child then they will tell you. Are you OK?
You can get them to write it down if they can't say it, no child should have to live like this.

llareggub · 08/08/2010 18:56

Of course I can't be sure that they'd tell me. But it doesn't follow that if they'd fail to tell me it becomes acceptable.

Bullying was rife in my old school back in the late 80s. It was unacceptable then. When was it acceptable?

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 08/08/2010 18:59

Ds told me, I tried to sort it, I couldn't so I moved him. Best thing I ever did.

I didn't tell my parents, they never noticed. Have no self esteem at all.

FranSanDisco · 08/08/2010 19:15

I don't think it's acceptable ever. I think every child will experience a type of low level bullying during their school years sadly and many of the bullies don't know they are being a bully. It needs to be spoken about more in/out of school imho.

LynetteScavo · 08/08/2010 19:16

And if you knew your child was a bully would you do anything?

I'm surprised only 60% of children are bullied at some point. Bullying can be a few comments which make a child have a bad day, or can be years of torment. But I reckon everyone experiences bullying at least once before they are 18.

Bullying is never acceptable.I bet you cant'# find anyone who says it is.

FranSanDisco · 08/08/2010 19:29

I think as parents we need to discuss how our behaviour and our dcs behaviour affects other people. Excluding someone from your game because they aren't any good at it/ruin it/take over affects that person. Being jealous of others achievements and talking about them loudly to others has bullying undertones as does ignoring them for the rest of the day.

Original poster

asouthwoldmummy · 08/08/2010 19:32

Lynette I hope I can't! But someone DC's have to be the bullies. If we all teach our DC's that bullying is 100% unacceptable then why are so many of them still being bullied?

OP posts:

EccentricaGallumbits · 08/08/2010 19:35

depends what you think 'bullying' is. teasing? name calling? excluding from games? intimidation? stealing? relentless nastiness? punching?

a few years ago as a school governor we sent out a survey to all the children in a junior school. virtually all of them said they'd been bullied. but when asked what bullying actually was they answered with things like 'ben won't play with me sometimes' or 'sarah invited jane to tea and not me' rather than anything i would class as bullying.

Original poster

asouthwoldmummy · 08/08/2010 19:36

Someone from my game?

OP posts:

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 08/08/2010 19:36

I don't think schools do enough, ds was told to sort it out himself, not to tell the teachers, it was pathetic. There needs to be a zero tolerance in every school.

EccentricaGallumbits · 08/08/2010 19:38

i'm not justifying bullying though. just that sometimes something is given that label that isn't really bullying.

bullying is serious and can't be justified. it absolutely makes peples lives miserable.

even with bullying policies and zero tolerence things get missed.

BaronessBomburst · 08/08/2010 19:41

No.

And I never put up with it when I was at school. I always hit back.

EccentricaGallumbits · 08/08/2010 19:43

but if the bullied child gets to the point where they hit (or even push) back it then results in them being the one threatened with exclusion

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 08/08/2010 19:46

If they run off they are followed, if they trey to talk their way out of it then it makes it worse, if they fight back then they are the ones in trouble, teachers tell them not to ask them for help, what's a child to do? Just let the bullies carry on kicking shit out of them?

Bullying happens alot, if the schools and parents don't work together to find a solution then it will just continue.

teaandcakeplease · 08/08/2010 19:53

I was bullied all the way through school. As Belle said "If they run off they are followed, if they try to talk their way out of it then it makes it worse, if they fight back then they are the ones in trouble, teachers tell them not to ask them for help" Yep that was my life. I still have a low self esteem.

It's not acceptable.

Original poster

asouthwoldmummy · 08/08/2010 20:06

Ok so being bullied is unacceptable, but what if your DC is the bully? Can you stop them? Surely the bullies must think it's acceptable or they wouldn't do it would they?

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 08/08/2010 20:21

I think a lot of bullies don't know they are bullies, IYSWIM. Child bullies are still children, still learning, and need to be taught it is not acceptable.

For example, today my 5 yo DD said to her friend "You are the odd one out because you don't have stabilisers"

DD may not have meant to be horrid, but I knew this comment would make her friend feel bad (actually I think DD did intend to make her friend feel bad, as this other child has been making DD feel inferior lately). I came down on DD quite hard, and made it quite clear to her I would not have her saying things which make other people feel bad. I think all the other children who were playing with them at the time took on board what I was saying too.

Dimtan · 08/08/2010 20:31

I don't think bullies do think it is acceptable, which is why a lot of serious bullying goes unnoticed, because they are clever enough not to do it in front of adults.
If your DC is a bully then yes, you stop them. There will always be a way to stop them.

but basically, what llareggub said.

teaandcakeplease · 08/08/2010 20:45

Well the people who bullied me (all 3 of them) had a horrid family back ground. So sadly it was learned behaviour/ or due to their unhappiness at home. IYSWIM? I know I'm probably guilty of generalising but sadly not all parents give a damn if their children are mean at school to others or care. These parents didn't, some of them thought it was funny

As for if I found my child to be a bully, I have no idea what I'd do as mine are only age 3 and 19 months and are too young for me to have got to that tricky stage yet. I like to think I'd be like Lynette though

Chil1234 · 08/08/2010 21:57

Bullying is any repeated activity designed to make the other person feel unhappy. i.e. it's not just a one-off. It therefore does cover name-calling & exclusion as well as physical abuse. If the activity goes on and on, even if it is something relatively small, it can cause untold misery

Children need support and techniques to deal with bullies because they will meet them their whole lives. Bullied children need to know that they are not the ones in the wrong, the bully is in the wrong. If you think your child is a bully you should treat them the same way as if you discovered they were doing something else antisocial such as stealing.

bulby · 08/08/2010 22:10

Working in a school I can say that the line between bullying and falling out is a very blurred one for many children and their parents. Bullying is totally unacceptable but unfortunately many of the 'my child is getting bullied' incidences we have to deal with are nothing of the sort and as a result of adult interference many children are not learning basic social skills (sadly the child most likely to cry bullying wolf Is often the genuine bully). I often feel sad for the genuinely bullied children that their horrendous experiences are being trivialised by the 60% of children are bullied type statistics.

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