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Oh poo, what am I doing differently to everyone else?

11 replies

bronze · 08/08/2010 17:38

I potty trained my children fine and they have all been fine for at least the first year. Ds2 started reception last september and I've had to be called in to change his bottom numerous times. It's embarrassing and I haven't known what to do with him. I've tried rewards, ignoring etc etc. I've asked them to tell him to go at regular intervals and he still will have accidents. Its rarely a full poo, just enough to count as one rather than a skid.
He'll then go through a week or so where hes fine and I thionk yay we've cracked it only to get another call from school. Its just poos no wees

Roll on this september and I have dd starting school (turned 4 wed). She also potty trained fine but in the last six months shes started full on weeing and pooing herself.
She was prem and though fine I was given the option to hold her reception year back a year but playgroup/school (rising five sessions) said she was settling really well and as bright as any of them so I decided to send her. Its a very young year though.
I've tried talking to her saying she can't have accidents at school and that she needs to show me shes a big girl but she really doesn't seem to get it. I beginning to wonder if I should hold her back the year.
To be honest its partly for my sake. I can't cope with having to talk to the reception teacher about it anymore. One child is an exception, two children means it must be my parenting but have no idea what I'm doing wrong or differently to everyone else.
I've been in tears, I've just had enough of poo

(I tried poo goes to pooville)

any bright ideas? Should I hold her back? what do I do? I'm supposed to sign a parent school agreement which says they are fully toiletted but shes not so what do I do.
I am so crap at this parenting business. Babies are a doddle compared to trying to make a 4 year old comply

a desperate plea of please help me (and thanks goodness Ive finally got roung to posting this)

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bronze · 08/08/2010 17:55

sorry meant to say ds2 is getting better. I have to tell him to go to the toilet, he will say he doesn't need it so I still make him go and then he poos almost immediately. This is fine at home as I'm here but I'm worried about at school

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glasscompletelybroken · 08/08/2010 20:07

She may be picking up on the attention her brother is getting from this. I know you haven't got much time but I would try just ignoring it for the next week or so - deal with accidents as they happen but don't get into a discussion about it. I'm not an expert of any kind but if they stop getting anything from this behaviour (as in your concern/worry etc)they may just give it up.
Good luck.

kiwidreamer · 08/08/2010 21:51

We havent embarked on the TT journey yet so no useful advice but just wanted to give you a ((hug)), hope things improve soon.

baskingseals · 08/08/2010 22:27

i don't think you're doing anything wrong at all, it's just one of those things.

with dd i agree with not giving her any attention, clean up and a reminder of where we do poos and that's it.

as for school, cross that bridge when you come to it. she'll most probably do half days for a while so it might not even be an issue, especially if you give her something 'binding' - no prune juice for breakfast Grin

these things do sort themselves out - i am heartily heartily fed up with poo but have some years to go yet as dc3 is still a baby, also bloody dog sometimes ups my daily poo quota, i really do swear then.

don't let this cloud the rest of the holidays, have faith in yourself and dd - she will get there

good luck

bronze · 08/08/2010 23:03

Grin at the dog
I have a dog that uses the kitchen whens shes stressed , which seems to be far too often. I also have one in nappies so my days do seem to be so poo based (what with the chickens crapping too) I think maybe thats why its harder.

I'm going to make an extra effort to ignore. I will gather together a clean up kit, spare pants etc in one place so I can get it sorted easily each time without stress and see how I go. I'll also send them both to the loo regularly and hope that helps

School were making such a big thing of it, 'we need to do plans for this and that' etc that I've been really stressed about it which I'm sure hasn't helped. I'll try and calm down and just go with the flow (ugh) and see what happens

Thank you for making me see sense.

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bronze · 02/09/2010 00:30

well dd is fine and growing up fast but after a few weeks of being better ds2 is up to his old tricks. I'm dreading him going back to school especially as itll be year 1. I don't know what else to try and school make me feel crapper by implying I should have it sorted. I'm not there. I can't make him go to the loo. I have enough trouble with that at home. Making him go every 30 minutes doesnt work and he doesnt seem to care.
Its not full on poos either, just enough to make it bad enough if that makes sense

Someone please help me. they start back on monday and I am at a loss

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lilmrschatty · 02/09/2010 12:49

My DDs are not school age yet, so feel free to ignore me!

Do you think that your DS is doing this because he is worried about being at school? If the school make you go in to change him everytime he may be thinking 'If I do this then I will get to see Mummy'. The other thing that makes me think this is that he has started up again just before he is going to start back. I'm not too sure what you can do about this if it is the case though.

As I said, that's only my thoughts and I have no experience of all this yet, so feel free to tell me to go away!

binjibaghi · 02/09/2010 14:55

dont quote me on this but there is something about some children being constipated and the (sorry for graphic detail) hard poo gets stuck but then runny poo dribbles out.

would it be worth getting the gp to check this out???

longgrasswhispers · 02/09/2010 18:41

I'm wondering if the problem with your son is that he doesn't like the loos at school - i.e., he doesn't like sitting on them. If he's fine with spending a penny (presumably he does this standing up?) but the problem is with poos, then perhaps it's an issue with the loo seats?

You could ask him, if it's that, find out exactly what it is about the loo seat/sitting on the loo that he doesn't like. If it's an aversion to 'germs', then show him how to lay loo paper all around the loo seat (which a lot of us grown women do even now in public loos when we're not too happy with the look of the loo seat!!).

Or maybe he;s embarrassed in case other children hear the poo dropping/splashing into the loo water. In which case you can tell him to do what a friend of mine once admitted she does, and to chuck a decent amount of loo paper in the loo first (although not enough to block it obviously!) which then acts to stop the splash....

Sorry if TMI, but might help......

VirginOnTheRidiculous · 02/09/2010 18:53

I immediately thought of encopresis. Read about it here.

This book is very good indeed.

The school links, the psychological slant, it screamed encopresis. I'm not saying it is, but have a look.

bronze · 03/09/2010 17:39

thank you
that sound sliek it may be it
I had heard of the constipated thing before but hes not but that sounds much more like him

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