4.5years old and behaviour deteriorating

[blackrock]

DS has been pretty easy to handle, when other friends have compained their children hitting, biting, etc. DS has never really exhibited this kind of behaviour.

We have just returned from a camping holiday where DS behaviour has been tempermental, argumentative, and at times violent. He has hit, spat and kicked me, whenever I have asked him to do something, wherea prior to this holiday a quick discussion has solved any diagreement.

My DH thinks there is something wrong with DS and that he needs prefessional help. I think this change may relate to mixing with older kids of between 7 and 11 at the campsite....DS easily influenced, showing off and wanting to be part of the group, despite not really being wanted by the older children.

Have told DH that I will ring the health visitor if he wants me to, but unsure if we really need to, even though I am scared by my sons anger towards me at the moment.

We are quite calm in dealing with him. Ask twice, time out or remove a fav toy for 30mins, etc. DH tends to lose his temper and shout, but also takes a calm approach.

Can anyone advise?

I don't know about what happens on your camping holiday but I'm guessing that, as well as knocking around with much older children, he maybe went to bed later than normal?... ate different food? If he's not normally like this then revert to your usual routine and I expect he'll calm down soon.

you may well be right. He did go to bed later, and has not mixed much with older children before. I think food wise he has had similar to normal. Maybe tiredness is key, plus insecurity with friendships, as at home his is very clear and trusting of his friends. Thanks Chil for you logical reply :)

Hi Blackrock,

I recently took my 4 yo DS on holiday (also camping) and at times his behaviour was also appalling - violent, shouting etc My MIL, whom I was also on holiday with, also said that if ds was her son she would be worried and seeking help (this was her verdict after she had spent 1 day with him after not seeing him for 7 months) Needless to say it was just a meltdown caused by tiredness and unfamiliar surroundings....

Excuse my offloading :) What I really mean to say that your ds is not alone. Tiredness, new surroundings etc are probably to blame....

p.s the next day MIL changed her mind and said, only to dh mind, thát she now thought that ds was fine

May be way off the mark, but I remember reading that many little boys have a huge testosterone surge between 4 and 5, so perhaps that, coupled with excitement and a break in routine, is partly causing the change in his behaviour.

Is there much talk about starting big school going on? Could he be getting a bit anxious about that? I've also heard about the testosterone surge that whydobirdssuddenlyappear mentions.

There is a little talk about big school, but he hasn't brought this up much. I'll look into the testosterone surge, as this would explain the sudden change.

ilovespinach, it must have been hard coming from Mil... luckily we were without extended family, as suspect our strategies for dealing with him would've been scrutinised had we been observed !!!

Thanks for the advice...have been able to reassure DH and get him to read an article by Tanya Byron in the Times Weekend section, so hopefully now we are back home we can get a handle on this and help him cope with his temper.

blackrock - I find my DS - 4.2 months quite hard to handle at the moment. He'll shout at me in quite a rude way, won't do what he's told etc etc I sent him up to bed early the other night after he was really rude again. He got so stroppy but we left him up there and when I took DD up to bed 20 mins later he'd actually fallen asleep.

On the other hand he gets upset easily about little things and is very sensitive. I wonder about the testosterone point raised, interesting one.

I too find though that the combination of different food/ different daily routine/new kids can make for quite a volatile combination...then when things are back to normal we settle down again. I presume your DS is starting school soon. I know a few of us with kids of the same age have noticed a change in them recently with slightly "erratic" behaviour and I think they sense that change is afoot. My DS is excited but I know equally very nervous....Such a lot going on for them isn't there.

Hope it all settles down soon for you and DS