My 3 ,5 year old hit a man yesterday - normal behaviour???

[GoingLoopy]

We were at an outdoor pool Dds3/dt2 was playing happily next to a man and his 2 younger children. I turned my attention away for a moment and when I looked back he was repeatedly slapping the man on his back. The man was really angry. When I went over he said to me something like 'what kind of a child it that!'. The tone of voice and the way he looked at me really made me feel like I had the child from hell. How abnormal is it for small children to hit complete strangers in public places????? I have no idea what provoked him as I was out of earshot and wasn't looking just before it happened.

It's pretty bad...
If mine have ever done it, I've certainly never witnessed it and if I did, we'd be going home with serious consequences. I can't tell if your child that hit was 3 or 5??

Last year I was leaving the supermarket when a child (about the same age as yours) walked past me and walloped me on the leg, on purpose. I can't say I was too impressed especially as the mother was busy yakking on her mobile phone, saw what happened and said nothing to either me or the boy.

If it's the first time he's done something like that then presumably if you disciplined him and told him why he shouldn't do things like that then he'll know not to do it again. It only really becomes an issue if he carries on doing it regardless, he may not have known that it was wrong.

Not very nice for the man, obviously. Did you make your son apologise to him?

:(! 3 and a half. What serious consequences would you give? I took him straight out of the water and we packed up and left. spoke to him later, told him how bad it was and how much he had upset me, he seemed to be genuinely sorry.

I didn't make him apologise because he wouldn't have done it at that moment and I didn't like the way the man spoke to me. He knew it was wrong because he kind of lost control of himself afterwards, being really silly (like a child that had eaten too much food colouring - except he hadn't!).

Had the man been talking/playing with him? I was at a karate grading this weekend and a little girl of 4 yo who was being graded took an instant 'like' to me and wouldn't sit in her line. My fault for engaging I suppose but she ended up sticking her tongue out and blowing raspberries in my face, pulling my face into a smile/grimace, sewing my mouth up even though I was telling her to sit down. I used to work with pre-schoolers and thought I could handle her but boy was she a handful. She sat down when her mum eventually came over and threatened her with violence . Another child who I hadn't spoken to told me off a year ago because I wouldn't let him contantly bang the seat next me (lift up type), he frowned, wagged his finger and yabbered crossly in a language I didn't know. His father laughed and I told him his son was very rude and not funny . I think you handled it well by taking ds home.

What a grumpy git - if he had children of his own, surely he would have realised that we can all have the odd 'event', it's usually polite to let a parent try and resolve or apologise for the outburst. I think if you've spoken with your dc and they know it's wrong you've done as much as you could. Maybe this is a good time to explain that not all adults are child friendly/approachable. Who's to say the man didn't start it anyway!

He had gone over to the man and his children because they were playing wth the fountains and he was interested. I think he may have tried to engage the man or tried to play with his children and not got a response. It was probably a bad time of day (a bit late and time for dinner), but I struggle with my dts and things like this really knock me back.

dh said he was probably a weekend dad who never saw how other kids behave. Just wanted to check how other kids do behave. with 3 small boys I tend to be focused on what my kids are doing when we are out rather than on other kids.

I don't think it's a highly unusual thing to happen. Kids need to learn the boundaries but until they step over one and are told off, how do they even know where they lie?

For example - when my dd2 was 4 and had just started reception, her and another girl physically attacked a little boy in their class. I honestly don't think they knew that what they were doing was wrong because it was a boundary neither of them had crossed before. They certainly found out - sharpish - when they were hauled up in front of the headteacher and given a dressing down for it.

Dd2 has just finished junior school, and that little incident has never been repeated.

It's not good is it! - but nothing to worry about, especially since your son appears to understand and accept that it was wrong and has shown - at least to you - that he was sorry. Try to forget about it and not torment yourself with re-running the episode in your head