not so much pick your battle as pick your war...

[moonbells]

argh. My terrible toddler (2.9) is getting worse by the minute!

Right now everything is NO.

The battle I have to win is bed. He won't go to bed in an evening despite routine of tea, play, bath and storytime then bed by 7.30pm. He's usually still awake at 9...

The bigger battle is mornings. He just will not get up. I swear he's training to be a teenager. This morning we nearly didn't get DH to his train on time.

He won't cooperate with dressing (curls up on bed, arms tucked in, head down). Won't take off PJs, won't put T or trousers on, says he doesn't want a wee (put him on toilet and hey presto, one wee) won't help me dress him, well you see what I mean!

It's getting very tense. If we could get him to sleep early, he wouldn't be as tired, but how does one reason with a toddler?

Something's got to give, hasn't it? I would suggest that you try giving him a choice of bedtime. Make him think it's his idea. If you can settle on 8.00, for example, show him how that looks on a clock. (Even if they don't understand numbers they can see the position of the fingers). Then when 8.00 comes around, he's such a clever thing for telling you that the clock is in the right place .... and it was his decision all along!

Same with the clothes. Offer two different outfits, maybe. By creating the illusion of choice he may be more cooperative than if he thinks it's being imposed.

Thanks for suggesting the clock - I think this afternoon's art session will be painting a bedtime clock! Then he can match the time on the painted clock with that on the real one...

Last night it was again 9pm when he dropped off but I left him with a book much earlier despite pleadings for more stories, with a promise to read one in the morning provided he helped with dressing.

It worked. One dressed toddler got his story, and we didn't get any tears. Not sure it will work twice; time will tell!

Getting him to bed isn't the real problem though. We usually have him in bed by 7.30 - it's the inability to drop off, and constant badgering for more stories, or more wees; all ploys to get us to stay and interact. The trick is to escape (I often use having to go feed the cat!) without a tantrum, which of course then winds and wakes him up.

Well I keep telling myself that in 3 months he'll be in pre-school and there is no nap... perhaps he'll be more tired. Or he'll be even more whingy!

I had to drop DDs nap about this age because she was persistently still awake at 9.30/10.00pm.

It did work, she's now 3.4 and although she does a few delaying tactics - I need a wee, I need a drink of water, there's a dinosaur in my bedroom, she does settle by 8/830 usually.

She does struggle to get through the day though, and has fallen asleep on the tea table several times. Oh and she's quite vile from about 5pm onwards but you can't have everything

It sounds very, erm, well as though you have quite high expectations of a 2yo. Not trying to criticise but I cannot imagine any toddler I have ever met complying with reason!

mine doesn't help me dress him unless he wants to, and then it is usually 'I WANT TO DO IT MYSELF!' He doesn't cooperate, I just lift and shift...move him to required position and get your stuff done regardless.

Basically you can't expect them to behave properly like reasonable adults. They are encased in a maelstrom of frustrations and desires and learning curves, and it's hard work for them - imposing a strict routine is going to fail every time imo.

You're making it unnecessarily hard for yourself, I think - expect him to act like a drunken octopus and you will be pleasantly surprised

Oh and Chil's choice method is also really really good.

Hold up two t shirts..'which one do you want to wear today?'

They do have opinions and really like being given the opportunity to use them. It makes them feel powerful in a way they struggle to much of the time.

I think really it's a case of adjusting your expectations, not his behaviour - which is only temporary. Keep in mind they almost always sleep through when they start preschool or school. This is a blip.

I perhaps have high expectations of him because I know he can do it! Nursery has told me he can put his T shirt and trousers on after naptime... and go to the loo on his own.

I suspect he is just being awkward at home because he can

drunken octopus I wasn't really asking how to reason with a toddler, it was more a wry comment that it's impossible! Unless a bribe is involved.

He'll be up tomorrow in record time because I will refuse to take him for a ride on the tube if he isn't...

Of course he can do this stuff. But don't expect it to be consistent or with any sort of awareness.

The things they learn to do are exciting for them sometimes but haven't entered the realms of responsibility yet, as in, we get dressed and go out on time every day without a problem, because it's easy for us and we are adults but a toddler, though he can do these things with some effort, does not find it easy nor does it come naturally yet.

He is too BUSY to bother repeating the same thing every day, because he is learning the NEXT skill, the next bit of necessary application, he is filled with newness.

He hasn;'t got time to keep doing something he's tried already and managed.

Plus getting dressed is really boring!!!

I wouldn't bother if I were a toddler.

I wish I didn't have to bother getting up either! :-)

This morning he beat the record for persistent whingyness. And was still moaning an hour later. Toddlers!