did i do right to take dd home?

[familyfun]

dd is 3.1 and has always been quite clingy and sensitive, she doesnt like excessive noise, boisterous kids.

I have always taken her to playgroups and activities to get her used to other kids and encouraged her and praised her for playing independently.

recently she has become very very clingy and literally wants me to follow her to every play item at playgroups and cries if she doesnt have my 100% attention and cries over silly things like needing her nose wiped, someone being on her favourite swing at the park and tbh she is testing my patience.

not sure if its cos she knows she starts nursery sept and its playing on her mind even though she asks to go to nursery or if its cos im 24 weeks pregnant and she is insecure/jealous despite constantly talking about her baby and how she cant wait for it to be born, or a combination of the 2.

today i took her to a holiday playgroup which she went to last week and she knows a few kids there. last week she cried when asked to wear a name sticker and also whinged a lot wanting me to follow her round the equipment inside and out. i asked her if she wanted to go and she said yes. i told her i wanted her to play with friends and i would be pleased with her if she behaved and didnt cry over things.

as soon as we got there she cried over the name sticker again saying it tickled her through her top and cardigan , i stuck it on her back and she was crying and crying. then she cried as she needed her nose wiped and i told her to stop crying or i would take her home. she cried and cried so i took her home after 5 mins wasting the day and the money id paid.

at home i put her on the naughty step for 3 mins and she apologised for crying but said she hates stickers.

should i have taken her home or made her stay as she will have to stay at nursery? should i have naughty stepped her or was it too late? should i follow her round and agree to every request? i honestly dont know.

im just not enjoying my time at the moment, maybe im impatient cos im pregnant? dd cries all the time and its driving me mad.

she also ignores me when i say get undressed get in the bath etc and i have to shout to get her to listen. its no fun here at all.

Does she have obsessions? As in, wants to watch music channels on the TV all the time? Likes to line things up?

no obsessions apart from a particular swing at the park, no she doesnt line stuff up, she tidies up when told to.

She could have a sensory problem and is oveewhelmed with the noise. I'll get some infor for you once I've eaten my supper

I'd have taken her home aswell, it sounds like too much for her.

I think the ignoring you thing is totally, totally normal. It's tiresome, you have to try other techniques to get them to comply (you know, adopt the demeanour of a CBeebies presenter or something)

She may well be freaking out a bit about the baby and nursery - 2 big changes in her little life coming up

I don't know much about handling a sensitive child, haven't had any experience - but know lots on here have, so keep the thread bumped! But would suggest maybe trying to adopt a 'chipper' attitude when it comes to trying new things? Being all Jolly Hockey Sticks about it for example. And maybe compromise wrt the following around to all toys/equipment etc - say you will play for 5mins then you will be sitting down for 5mins for a cup of tea

DD2 hated being left at nursery (she was just 3 when she started) and screamed, hollered, wailed, clung - but I was advised to just go, and peeped in at the window to spy at her miraculous calm-downs which occored within 5 mins

thank you.
people keep telling me its cos im a sahm and i should have left her ages ago so ive made her clingy.
she is babysat by my mom and for the last 2 months mom has had her for a few hours once a week for me to rest/get jobs done and she happily goes off with my mom.
she is happy to stay with dp.
she plays happily in the house. loves friends round to play and plays with them and doesnt need me at all. she makes friends at the park and runs off to play only occasionally running back to me for a cuddle.

She sounds like a normal, ahem, boy to me.

Possibly because it's more usual (I think ) for boys to be sensory sensitive.

I don't think the naughty step was worthwhile in this instance.

And yes, she will find starting nursery difficult.

She hates stickers. Is there anything else that she hates? For now, just avoid stickers.

she sounds quite normal to me too - just a sensitive little girl. i should think the pregnancy is affecting her quite alot. if it were me, I would just go with the flow, don't put her in holiday club and spend some time with her and pick your battles very carefully.

oh fwiw I postponed nursery for my dd when she started as she hated it - didn't do her any harm, and she went later on and it was fine.

Don't be too hard on yourself or on your dd she's only 3, and 3 year olds mostly don't listen as they are just discovering they can do their own thing and don't necessarily want to stop.

I'd also recommend picking your battles, if she's upset about the sticker is it reallyxworth forcing the issue? Let go the things that don't matter and go with the clinginess forcthe time being it WILL pass! Hang in there, and try to give yourself and your lovely dd a bit of slack

You didnt make her clingy.

I have been a sahm, a full time working mum and a part time working mum. The kids have developed in their own sweet way regardless of my working hours

This stage probably seems like it is lasting for ever. Its not really (just feels like it). It will pass.

Its tough when you are pg.

i think im more worried because i know she wil be starting nursery sept and there may be things there that she doesnt want to do but she will need to do so i suppose i want her to realise she has to comply.
im worried she wot settle at nursery but if i withdraw her temporarily she might think that crying and clinginess gets her out of situations she doesnt like and then how will i ever get her to school.
im also worried how i will cope with a baby when dd is clinging to me.
i am the only mom having to follow their child round and most kids are younger.

well, you know her better than anyone. when I took my 3yo out of nursery, I had a newborn at home too and managed just fine. I knew that she just wasn't really ready to go, and I could probably have persevered and forced her to go and she would have been fine after a while, but it just didn't seem worth it to me. she went to nursery fine when she was 4.

anyway, you don't know what she'll be like really - she might settle into nursery just fine.

most 3yos are difficult, so don't feel that you're alone. You might have a clingy one, but others are biters, tantrummers, runners, food refusniks, no-sleepers etc etc, you get the idea . this stage does pass honest!

I dont think its because you're a SAHM, I am as well but my son is generally fine with these types of things. I think it is just down to individual personalities, development, and different phases they go through. I regularly go to playgroups, swimming, music groups etc. and ALL the children there go through clingy phases for one reason or another at some point. Most of the time they just seem to come out of it the other side just as quickly!

I would continue taking her to groups, but if she is getting distressed by it just let her sit quietly with you and watch for a bit until she feels more confident. I think punishing her on the naughty step was possibly a bit too late, and also it sounds as if she is genuinely distressed, not simply being naughty. Perhaps lots of cuddles and reassurance might help?

the naughty step was probably too late, i agree, i suppose i wanted her to know i didnt like her behaviour but maybe missing playing with her friends was enough.

i will try to go with her clinginess a bit more and just really praise her when she ventures away a bit.

tbh its just getting to me, i cried my eyes out in another room while she was on the naughty step as i felt id failed in some way.

Ughh I hate stickers too though. Always have. Dneices try to stick them on me playfully and I have to back away into a corner.

Fwiw, my DD, who is now 4 has never liked stickers! She used to hate having them stuck on her tops but loves sticking them on paper etc. She is completely normal (most of the time!) in all other respects. Your DD is obviously going through a period of change so I would say pick your battles carefully and use a lot of distraction.

Dont feel bad, at the end of the day you are trying to do your best for her-the fact that you are posting on here and worry about her shows you're obv.a very caring mum.

I'm pregnant at the moment, and I know that doesnt help, as you're more tired and emotional than at other times....and its really hard to not keep thinking, we have to sort this now as number 2 will be here soon.

Keep going, I'm sure it's just a phase (like nearly everything at this age) and will eventually pass-especially as you are doing everything you can to help her.

thank you all, well dd has been good as gold all yesterday and today so far.
she had a friend to play and they played lovely with no arguements, no demandig attention of us parents and went outside/upstairs alone with no clinginess so it shows she can make friends and leave my side, i think she just prefers one on one rather than big groups.
dd said to me she is scared going to nursery sept and i wonder if she was scared at the holiday playgroup because it was at a nursery and maybe she thought she was being left. im taking her again next week with her friend hoping that will encourage her to stay and be happy.pregnancy is making me a bit down i think, mood swings are up and down all the time and worrying how i will cope and get dd to nursery and be happy are on my mind so im trying to chill.
i love dd to bits and just want whats best for her.