Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Help - only I can put 3 yr old and 10 m o to bed - 3 yr old rejecting dad

12 replies

alittleteapot · 03/08/2010 19:43

help! (and this is the second of three help-with-threenager-needed threads)

we've managed to get ourself into a situation where only i can put our children to bed - separately - in separate rooms as baby ds is still in with us. ds feeds to sleep, dd needs lots of stories and MUMMY not daddy (go away! Mummy mummy mummy!)

Obviously something's gotta give here! Just not sure what to try and fix first, and which child really needs me most.

It's horrible, i'm trying to get ds to sleep as i write and dd is in with dp in her bedroom absolutely distraught and yelling for me through hysterical (and angry) tears.

Help!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MixedNutPlate · 03/08/2010 20:10

It i would tough it out and tell dd that daddy is doing bed time this week, take alternate weeks if you can but am guessing you can only feed ds so dd is going to have to get used to daddy, maybe if she and daddy do things 'their way' it might help?

Tori27 · 03/08/2010 20:14

My dd is 2 1/2 and often rejects her doting dad. I am firm about bed time though as it's sometimes the only time DH sees her. DH used to get home at 9.30pm so it was always me, now his hours have changed and he is home for bedtime.

Here is what we did...

As far as stories go, we limit it to two books and make the deal clear from the start. She chooses them and then they are read followed by a maximum of 3 songs. If she wants more stories I have given in and allowed her to look at one book herself for 5 minutes before going back in and taking the book and saying night night. DH has now followed this on.

I would suggest you go out. Tell DD you are going out with a friend, even let her see you getting ready. Leave before she goes upstairs, making sure you give her a kiss and say goodnight, see you in the morning etc. Be good for daddy and if he tells me you've gone to bed like a really clever girl, then in the morning I will give you lots and lots of kisses and cuddles. Also, act confident and as if it is perfectly normal for you to go out.

You may need to do this a few times. They say to change a bedtime routine takes a minimum of 3 days - haven't researched that myself.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 03/08/2010 20:34

We had the same problem with ds1 not too long after ds2 arrived.

We used bribery star charts so that every night he went to bed well for DH, he got a star on his chart, once it was full he got a present (they were good ones too like a little Lego set or something that he'd seen in the shops that he wanted). I think we had 7 spaces on the chart.

To begin with, we went a bit cold turkey and DH put him to bed every day for a week, then as things improved we tailed it down and now we take it in turns.

We also have strict rules about the number of stories - for me it's 1, then a chat about the day. Dh reads 2.

It was hard work and pretty emotionally draining all round to start with but after the first few nights, it all started to calm down and now it's great.

Good luck

Original poster

alittleteapot · 03/08/2010 20:51

Thanks all!

We did have a good phase where dp was doing dd and I was doing ds. Not sure how we lost that - perhaps a spate of dp working late - not sure. Anyway, at least we know we can do it.

Agree dp needs to find a special version of their bedtime routine. Any ideas?

We are trying to restrict stories to 3 now as it can go on for over an hour!!! We also have lots of probs with dd staying up late - she can get up lateish but basically will not be tired until she's been up for at least 12 hours. So we trying to all get up at the same time now - so that at least she will be properly tired at bedtime, and there's some hope of her and ds sleeping a similar time span (annoying if one down at 7 and up at 6.30 and the other down later and up later.)

We are hoping they will share a room before too long but I have absolutely no idea how this will possibly work in reality at this point as they both need such bespoke bedtimes.

OP posts:

Tori27 · 03/08/2010 21:07

Maybe you could suggest she can show DS how to sleep and how helpful she would be as a big sister.

Lots of my friends have kids sharing rooms with similar age gaps and it works well. Just go for it - you said you put DD and DS down seperately, DD might not feel so jealous if she was involved in DS's bed time - could she hold the book and turn the pages as you read DS a bedtime story?

Original poster

alittleteapot · 03/08/2010 21:10

i've tried to get them both down together a few times when dp is out - used to work as ds crashed out on breast while i read to dd - but these days they just keep each other awake...

so move the cot in there and just suck it and see? eek...

OP posts:

MegBusset · 03/08/2010 21:16

I do bedtime with similar-aged two myself, usually on my own as DH is working or cooking. From the start I have put DS2 to bed later than DS1. So take both in with you to 3yo's room, baby plays on floor/listens to story, strictly one bedtime story then tuck 3yo in, then go put baby to bed.

Or just go to the pub and leave DH to it

Original poster

alittleteapot · 03/08/2010 21:38

thanks, will try it (though strictly one bedtime story = ha ha ha no chance in my house.)

doesn't the baby playing on floor distract the older one?

OP posts:

MegBusset · 03/08/2010 21:43

Yes, generally they tear round chasing each other and ignoring my storytelling then when it comes to tuck-in time I pick up the baby, shove older one under covers and run. Somehow works for us!

create · 03/08/2010 21:55

Mummy only does one story, Daddy will do lots. If you say it, mean it and stick to it, it'll only take a couple of days.

Tori27 · 03/08/2010 21:59

I would put DS down first, then let DD go to bed 30 mins later - maybe having a story in your bed before going into her bedroom where she must be quiet or she'll wake her brother. If she won't do that then the threat is she'll have to go to bed at the same time as DS.

Good luck xx

iwouldgoouttonight · 05/08/2010 13:52

Our DS (nearly 4) is exactly the same as your DD at the moment - 'MUMMY not daddy (go away! Mummy mummy mummy!)' is just what he shouts and screams too.

DD is 18 months and we take it in turns to put them to bed, e.g. one night I'll do DS and DP will do DD, then next night we swap. DS will always say 'is it your turn to put me to bed mummy?' and if I say no it generally turns him into a screaming monster - he can be hitting out and screaming at DP for half an hour.

We didn't understand it for ages (especially as DP reads him loads of stories and lets him play in the bath for ages - I tend to do a quick wash in the bath and one story then bed!)

But we now think its a jealousy thing - it isn't so much that DS wants me to put him to bed - its more that he doesn't want me to put DD to bed. If I do go out and DP does them both he's absolutely fine.

So I would second the idea of pretending to go out and let your DH put them both to bed and seeing how that goes.

Flip